I was reflecting on just how tired I was this week.  The analogy I finally settled on was that making it to the finish line of a school term/break/summer vacation/four day weekend/three day weekend - heck, sometimes just to Friday was that of a runner.  You know your objective is to give all your energy to get to the finish line with nothing left in the tank and your best effort behind you.  So, you happily make it to that point, but realize all of your energy is behind you.  This calls for serious down time.

Now, please let me be clear, I'm talking not just about teachers, but all working folk out there who give their best effort each day (don't know about you, bur for me, some days are better than others - I freely admit this...) powering through and doing incredible things while managing your gas tank to the finish...

Whew...  Made it.  Nice...  Now, give me a day or two to recoup, then a few to go, go, go, enjoy, live, experience, laugh, live, love, be...

Then, a day to work.  One good, solid day with no distractions and total concentration.  For me, I have targeted this Friday as my productive schoolwork day.  I have a lot to catch up on.

So, today was supposed to be a road trip up to Santa Barbara, but I just couldn't muster the energy.  Yesterday, a power outage at my house (the third in two days - that's what you have tolerate living in the middle of nowhere...) threw me off whack, but it did impel me to the laundromat, where I took care of my business and I now have about 30 pairs of underwear and 60 pairs of socks after my latest spending spree - socks and unders at La Target.  Stella helped me pick them out, but all she seemed interested in were the Beats headphones.  Good times whenever Stella and Poppy are on the loose!!

So, I found an extra day in this week's schedule to do some work, watch some football, enjoy a fire in my woodburning stove (yep - it's that time of the year in the desert, and, if you recall, I have no heat, just the stove - which, by the way is awesome!!!!  I am going to have to move some furniture because the stove and file cabinet are a little too cozy for my taste.  Luckily, Tina is cruising out this coming weekend.  This is good - and bad.  Good, cuz I get to hang out with my dear friend, Tina.  Secondly, because she is an excellent interior decorator type, while I am, well, hmmm...  Let's just not go there, okay?

The bad?  Now I have to clean this place up.  That was a plan for one of these vacation days, but now the cheese is a little more binding.... Which, I think means that things are getting a little more serious - especially for those living in Wisconsin.  Ooh.  That reminds me - I need to call my uncle Jack.

See you tomorrow, Mark, and Gioia.  Can't wait!

This is also the first time I've written since the passing of my friend, Waldo.  I just realized that as I put up the other post.  I've got a lot more to say about Waldo - and I promise I will, but now a nice fire awaits me.  I am looking at a picture of Waldo, my brother Dan, and I enjoying just such an event down in 'the valley.'

See you soon, I hope.

So, I haven't written in a while, and not sure what I would have had I done so...  See?  This is the kind of pithy stuff that you stop by to read, isn't it?

Today was a bad day.  Just a lot of things going on.  Working too many hours/jobs. Trying find time to visit April/Grant/Stella.  Trying to find time to date.  Trying to find time to relax.  Trying to visit friends and not be a hermit.  Trying to figure out how to deal with cancer.  It's all so... trying.

So, why was today so bad among all these other days?  I'm not sure, but I know one thing in particular is bugging me...  I'm not sure what kind of person I am.  I am not sure if I am the friend who is there when needed or if I am more the loner who sequesters himself away from friends and family and humanity.  So, maybe I'm just getting a dose of karma from those who I consider friends.  I know, I know, get to the point! I will!!!

This is a health-related diatribe... Approx. 4 years ago, I had an elevated PSA and my prostate biopsy showed some 'suspicious' cells.  I've been monitoring my PSA levels on and off for the past few years and my PSA has spiked to 8 times the acceptable level, and a recent ultrasound showed that my prostate is enlarged.  Soooo...  I'm told by the experts that I have prostate cancer and now I'm awaiting  a visit with the specialist (thank you HMO referral process!).  My doctor (who I've yet to see) has also put me on a strict diet called the CAPA diet (the acronym refers to NO Caffeine, NO Acids/Citrus, NO Peppers/Spices, and NO Alcohol).  Well, any way you slice it, this just sucks. I've also been put on antibiotics and my pharmacist has warned my off any kind of dairy during the week's course of Cipro 500mg.  Yuck.  Not sure what's left I can eat.

Sooo...  This is all contributing to my funk today, but the real reason I'm down is that I've called a couple of friends who have been through this process already and I really wanted to get some advice... The problem is, they haven't called me back.  So, this is where I wonder again if I'm a poor friend, a nuisance, not worth the time, or what.  These are people I know, love, respect, and trust.  A conversation with them would do wonders to help me know what's ahead and the things I should/shouldn't do, questions I should ask, warning signs, etc.

I don't know, maybe they will call someday.  In the meantime, I'm trying (and for the most part I've been successful) at keeping depression at bay.  I love my job - although I have more energy some days than others.  They know about my health situation at work, so that's good, and my co-workers are phenomenal; as is my boss.  As for HER boss, well that's another story for another time...

For now, I'm heading out to the 'yard' to have a fire and a mental health break.  Wish me luck.