Perhaps I should get someone to run my blog for me while I focus on writing? Hmmm... That could work...
Stay tuned.
Friday, February 28, 2014
I've heard from a couple of people that posting is still a little 'glitchy.' (Yup, I made up that word. So sue me.)
Here is the process as I believe it to be:
If you want to comment and you have a Google profile, you can post using your profile. If you don't have a profile, you can EITHER: create one (your choice entirely) OR "Comment Anonymously"
I have the blog settings set to ALLOW ANONYMOUS posts. So, you should be able to post Anonymously (and many have - feel free to include your name if you want me to know it's you. Nicknames, code words, personal stories - it all works...)
ALSO:
Because I removed the Spambot protection using the Captcha images, I've been warned about spam if I don't maintain some control over the posts.
'Control' means: After you post a comment, either anonymously or through your profile - it comes to me labeled "Awaiting Moderation." That means I have three choices (if I remember correctly). I can either reject the post, publish the post, or edit the post. The only time I would ever edit a post would be to remove someone's name or identifiers if I was concerned about how they'd react to the post. So far, I have approved every post that has come in.
So, to review:
Comment (with or without profile)
You won't see your comments immediately
I check them each morning - in fact, I bound out of bed each morning hoping that someone, somewhere, has commented on the ideations of my foolish brain.
I am not a censor. You can ask my old 7th grade math class from John Glenn Middle School in Indio, CA. Their assignment was to conduct a survey, asking at least 30 of their fellow students a quantifiable question. (i.e. how many times a week do you go the mall, how many hours a week do you spend on facebook, etc.) Well, one student wanted to ask, "How many times a week do you poop?" I felt it was a statistically and biologically sound question with learning implications, so of course I let the kid ask that. He did. Then he presented his results as a pie chart - in a toilet bowl. Happened 6 years ago, but in my mind it was yesterday :)
Please hang in there with me as we work out these processes. I hate to say it, but most of us folk of a certain generation or two are not exactly the sharpest when it comes to technology. Or maybe it's just me?
I will be back. It's time to relax and watch my Netflix movie that came last week. I swear, those guys make a killing off me.
Here is the process as I believe it to be:
If you want to comment and you have a Google profile, you can post using your profile. If you don't have a profile, you can EITHER: create one (your choice entirely) OR "Comment Anonymously"
I have the blog settings set to ALLOW ANONYMOUS posts. So, you should be able to post Anonymously (and many have - feel free to include your name if you want me to know it's you. Nicknames, code words, personal stories - it all works...)
ALSO:
Because I removed the Spambot protection using the Captcha images, I've been warned about spam if I don't maintain some control over the posts.
'Control' means: After you post a comment, either anonymously or through your profile - it comes to me labeled "Awaiting Moderation." That means I have three choices (if I remember correctly). I can either reject the post, publish the post, or edit the post. The only time I would ever edit a post would be to remove someone's name or identifiers if I was concerned about how they'd react to the post. So far, I have approved every post that has come in.
So, to review:
Comment (with or without profile)
You won't see your comments immediately
I check them each morning - in fact, I bound out of bed each morning hoping that someone, somewhere, has commented on the ideations of my foolish brain.
I am not a censor. You can ask my old 7th grade math class from John Glenn Middle School in Indio, CA. Their assignment was to conduct a survey, asking at least 30 of their fellow students a quantifiable question. (i.e. how many times a week do you go the mall, how many hours a week do you spend on facebook, etc.) Well, one student wanted to ask, "How many times a week do you poop?" I felt it was a statistically and biologically sound question with learning implications, so of course I let the kid ask that. He did. Then he presented his results as a pie chart - in a toilet bowl. Happened 6 years ago, but in my mind it was yesterday :)
Please hang in there with me as we work out these processes. I hate to say it, but most of us folk of a certain generation or two are not exactly the sharpest when it comes to technology. Or maybe it's just me?
I will be back. It's time to relax and watch my Netflix movie that came last week. I swear, those guys make a killing off me.
So, I'm just going to say that it breaks my heart a little bit when I log on and their are no comments.
I suppose I'll just have to get over it.
Okay.
I'll be back later.
It wouldn't kill you to leave a post in the meantime, would it? You don't even have to enter the captcha image. All you have to do is care.
I suppose I'll just have to get over it.
Okay.
I'll be back later.
It wouldn't kill you to leave a post in the meantime, would it? You don't even have to enter the captcha image. All you have to do is care.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
RE: Last post
I should have at least given you the 'bottom line' regarding my doctor's appointment:
Decision: Surgery (I will detail the rationale tomorrow)
Time: Mid-May (They are currently scheduling 6-8 weeks out, which puts me in late April, but mid-May works better for me.)
Much, much, much, much, more to follow.
Good night.
I should have at least given you the 'bottom line' regarding my doctor's appointment:
Decision: Surgery (I will detail the rationale tomorrow)
Time: Mid-May (They are currently scheduling 6-8 weeks out, which puts me in late April, but mid-May works better for me.)
Much, much, much, much, more to follow.
Good night.
Cancer log, stardate: February 27, 2014. I saw the surgeon today. In fact, four very important things happened today. (Think about that - some days just sail by, spent in agony or ecstasy, alone or in a crowd, home or traveling, at work or play... etc, etc. But how many of those days - eventful as they might be - become truly memorable. Today was memorable for those four important things.)
Here's what happened, in order of significance:
1. I found out that one of my students got into rehab - and that they are doing great!!! That is the best news I have had in a long time! I admit I shed a few tears worrying about this one, but it appears that they are on the road to recovery. I am so relieved.
2. One of my reluctant learners called me tonight to let me know he was modifying an assignment I gave him. Mind? Heck, I'm glad you're doing it! I'm glad you're calling me! I'm glad that I could hear the excitement in your voice. Sure, the project is building an airplane out of soda cans, but at least you're doing it! I can't wait to see the final result tomorrow. Oh, and calling me back a second time to double check your appointment time? Very nice. See, what you don't know is I've been thinking about you quite a bit lately. About the fact that you're a smarty pants (gosh, I wanted to use a different term there!), and that you like to come around and hang out at school, but not produce work. I think you're a smart young man (with a killer handshake grip), but you will not get through 9th grade next year if you repeat your 8th grade performance. So, let's get this show on the road - tell me, how can I help you? I'm hoping this hands-on assignment is the beginning of better times...
[An aside: I suppose that all occupations think, "Nobody understands me but a fellow ___ insert occupation here ___ ." I've heard this speech before and - as it concerns your professional life - it may be true. But teachers or ___ insert occupation here ____ are not the only ones who have a hard time turning their brains off after they clock out. At any rate, one of the things that keeps teachers up at night is trying to figure out how to reach that one student. There is always at least that one student who we can't seem to reach... How can I get that one student to do work? How do I get that one student to become an independent thinker? How do I get that one student to learn????? Like anything else, sometimes it just takes time. And consistency. And patience. And persistence. And a small miracle... ]
3. A kind word from a well-placed source landed upon my ear. On most other days this year, this would have merited the number one mention. Seriously. I'll explain in a second. BRB. Okay. I'm back.
The top of the food chain at my school is a smart, creative, visionary man, who has built our charter school from one site three years ago to five sites and growing. He is passionate about giving students a quality, individualized education. Thankfully so, because this school serves a very important population, and has helped many of these young men and women on the road to self-reliance. Because he is so involved in growing the school and all the work that goes with it, I work directly with and for the person in charge of my particular site, and rarely do I see the big kahuna. Anyway... somehow I got it into my head that he doesn't like me. (It may have been because I called him a grandfather in public one day - long story.) But no, the genesis of this irrational fear predates that faux pas. Who knows why illusions and doubt seem to find such easy residence in my cranium?
For months, my peers, friends, family, acquaintances, students, the woman at the laundromat, etc. have talked about next year at school... I have assiduously avoided being taken in by their insistence, assurances, and affirmations. Until today. Until today, I only hoped that I'd get invited back to teach next year.
So? What happened today!??!
Today, we had a conversation that went like this:
Him: Hey, Ken - next year, would you like to do the BTSA program?
Me: (Hopefully only my inside voice: NEXT YEAR? NEXT YEAR! NEXT FREAKING YEAR!??! I'M COMING BACK NEXT YEAR????)
Me: (Aloud) I'd love to.
Me: (Inside again - BTSA! I get to mentor new teachers!??! Heck, ya! I relish the role of Old Pro/Elder Statesman/Sounding Board/Uncle).
Me: (HOPEFULLY inside my head - Ran around the school yelling, "She thinks I'm cuuuuude..." [Gratuitous Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference...]
Him: Cool.
Good stuff for this old pessimist. I always think I can do a better job - help more kids - get my paperwork done on time - come up with more creative assignments/lessons, etc. Self-doubt and I are never far apart.
All kidding aside, though, I am psyched to hear this news. This will help lower my blood pressure - which, by the way, was 118/77 today at the surgeon's office. Oh, yeah. Now, I can plan for some continuity. Although, I won't be able to ride to NY this summer because...
4. I met my Urologist/Surgeon today. It's already late and I could never do the entire appointment/discussion/prognosis/treatment choices/side effects/schedule, etc. justice in the time I have remaining.
Sorry about that. If you turned in to read about cancer, here you go: CANCER SUCKS. (We will certainly expound upon this theme tomorrow, I assure you...)
That is all.
Thank you, one and all for reading. I can't express how much it means to me.
Carpe Diem.
Here's what happened, in order of significance:
1. I found out that one of my students got into rehab - and that they are doing great!!! That is the best news I have had in a long time! I admit I shed a few tears worrying about this one, but it appears that they are on the road to recovery. I am so relieved.
2. One of my reluctant learners called me tonight to let me know he was modifying an assignment I gave him. Mind? Heck, I'm glad you're doing it! I'm glad you're calling me! I'm glad that I could hear the excitement in your voice. Sure, the project is building an airplane out of soda cans, but at least you're doing it! I can't wait to see the final result tomorrow. Oh, and calling me back a second time to double check your appointment time? Very nice. See, what you don't know is I've been thinking about you quite a bit lately. About the fact that you're a smarty pants (gosh, I wanted to use a different term there!), and that you like to come around and hang out at school, but not produce work. I think you're a smart young man (with a killer handshake grip), but you will not get through 9th grade next year if you repeat your 8th grade performance. So, let's get this show on the road - tell me, how can I help you? I'm hoping this hands-on assignment is the beginning of better times...
[An aside: I suppose that all occupations think, "Nobody understands me but a fellow ___ insert occupation here ___ ." I've heard this speech before and - as it concerns your professional life - it may be true. But teachers or ___ insert occupation here ____ are not the only ones who have a hard time turning their brains off after they clock out. At any rate, one of the things that keeps teachers up at night is trying to figure out how to reach that one student. There is always at least that one student who we can't seem to reach... How can I get that one student to do work? How do I get that one student to become an independent thinker? How do I get that one student to learn????? Like anything else, sometimes it just takes time. And consistency. And patience. And persistence. And a small miracle... ]
3. A kind word from a well-placed source landed upon my ear. On most other days this year, this would have merited the number one mention. Seriously. I'll explain in a second. BRB. Okay. I'm back.
The top of the food chain at my school is a smart, creative, visionary man, who has built our charter school from one site three years ago to five sites and growing. He is passionate about giving students a quality, individualized education. Thankfully so, because this school serves a very important population, and has helped many of these young men and women on the road to self-reliance. Because he is so involved in growing the school and all the work that goes with it, I work directly with and for the person in charge of my particular site, and rarely do I see the big kahuna. Anyway... somehow I got it into my head that he doesn't like me. (It may have been because I called him a grandfather in public one day - long story.) But no, the genesis of this irrational fear predates that faux pas. Who knows why illusions and doubt seem to find such easy residence in my cranium?
For months, my peers, friends, family, acquaintances, students, the woman at the laundromat, etc. have talked about next year at school... I have assiduously avoided being taken in by their insistence, assurances, and affirmations. Until today. Until today, I only hoped that I'd get invited back to teach next year.
So? What happened today!??!
Today, we had a conversation that went like this:
Him: Hey, Ken - next year, would you like to do the BTSA program?
Me: (Hopefully only my inside voice: NEXT YEAR? NEXT YEAR! NEXT FREAKING YEAR!??! I'M COMING BACK NEXT YEAR????)
Me: (Aloud) I'd love to.
Me: (Inside again - BTSA! I get to mentor new teachers!??! Heck, ya! I relish the role of Old Pro/Elder Statesman/Sounding Board/Uncle).
Me: (HOPEFULLY inside my head - Ran around the school yelling, "She thinks I'm cuuuuude..." [Gratuitous Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference...]
Him: Cool.
Good stuff for this old pessimist. I always think I can do a better job - help more kids - get my paperwork done on time - come up with more creative assignments/lessons, etc. Self-doubt and I are never far apart.
All kidding aside, though, I am psyched to hear this news. This will help lower my blood pressure - which, by the way, was 118/77 today at the surgeon's office. Oh, yeah. Now, I can plan for some continuity. Although, I won't be able to ride to NY this summer because...
4. I met my Urologist/Surgeon today. It's already late and I could never do the entire appointment/discussion/prognosis/treatment choices/side effects/schedule, etc. justice in the time I have remaining.
Sorry about that. If you turned in to read about cancer, here you go: CANCER SUCKS. (We will certainly expound upon this theme tomorrow, I assure you...)
That is all.
Thank you, one and all for reading. I can't express how much it means to me.
Carpe Diem.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
YOUR TURN!
In my 'absence' these next 48 hours or so, it's your turn to carry the momentum - let's get those comments posted!
I'm looking for stories, words of inspiration, feedback, ideas, poems, songs, anything and everything, with two minor caveats: Keep it clean, and keep it positive.
I look forward to reading sharing your posts with all the readers!!!!
Now, get cracking!
Peace, out.
In my 'absence' these next 48 hours or so, it's your turn to carry the momentum - let's get those comments posted!
I'm looking for stories, words of inspiration, feedback, ideas, poems, songs, anything and everything, with two minor caveats: Keep it clean, and keep it positive.
I look forward to reading sharing your posts with all the readers!!!!
Now, get cracking!
Peace, out.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
PS - Please know that I love hanging out sharing stories and observations with you. But... I can't afford to spend almost 4 hours with you. (Holy crap, I'm the worst editor and re-writer in history, I think.)
Anyway, the important this is that right now, I have to focus on preparing for my doctor's appointment on Thursday. You probably won't see much of me until after that appointment.
In the meantime, keep that positive energy flowing my way. It's much appreciated.
Peace.
Anyway, the important this is that right now, I have to focus on preparing for my doctor's appointment on Thursday. You probably won't see much of me until after that appointment.
In the meantime, keep that positive energy flowing my way. It's much appreciated.
Peace.
Last night was a very late one - with some self-inflicted delays as well. The reason I mention that is because this posting is probably a shade earlier than usual. That's because I will probably crash and burn by 8PM.
Why?
Well, let me review the activities of the past twenty-eight hours or so... [Insert flashback music and sound effects here]
Yesterday at work, we had an all day staff development meeting. Typically, these meetings adjourn between 1:45 and 2:15 to allow for reasonable commutes back to work sites or home. (Our school is comprised of 5 campuses presently - and growing - so many of the staff travel long miles.)
Yesterday's meeting followed a slightly different format. They did skip "Employee Recognition" and I was hoping it might be my turn this time... Apparently, I think more of myself than they do of me :( Although, from a positive standpoint, that represents a sea change in my attitude; normally, I'm fretting that I have no clue what the heck I'm doing, and fear they're going to can my ass at any moment. (I made sure that autospell didn't turn that into 'cane my ass,' that would have been a whole different connotation...)
Anyway, nice to see my confidence and comfort growing. Being a closet pessimist is difficult business. You have to ignore all the positive things surrounding you, then focus on some minute negative - often one invented in the deepest, darkest recesses of your own fears. But I know I'm doing a great job at work!! (Now, if I could only tame that paper dragon - administrivia is my kryptonite!)
Anyway, we were still going strong at 2:30 in a voluntary session. Unfortunately, sometimes 'voluntary' doesn't really mean 'voluntary', and this was likely one of those times. Normally, this would not be a big deal, but when is my life ever normal? {What the heck!!! Sorry - sirens are going off here - the hyperbole police just showed up and gave me a warning. Okay, okay, let me not be a drama queen (he said while rolling his eyes).}
No, I had decided that Monday would be a perfectly good day to leave early (at the typical end time of 2PMish) and head 'down the hill' to Palm Springs to get my medical records in advance of my visit with the surgeons on Thursday. I had picked this day and time because after swooping in for my records, I had to drive to San Bernardino to teach my 6PM class; and this schedule would have allowed me to get to my doctor's office before they closed, and then to SB by 5PM or so.
Well, I hung in there at the meeting until about 2:40, when I informed my boss that I was going to (in the words of my old pal, Snagglepuss) exit, stage left...
So, other than worrying that I was stepping out early on an 'optional' meeting, my plan was working flawlessly. (Cue the evil laugh... That's good, thank you.) Well, at least until driving approximately 8 miles to the west. Then stopping 8 miles to the west. Then standing outside my car 8 miles to the west. For one hour and fifteen minutes... 8 miles to the west. The problem was, I had to go more than 8 miles to the west. Now, let's be honest. This is California, after all. Traffic tie-ups like this are not only commonplace, they are expected - heck, they even have a name - a Sigalert! Well, this particular Sigalert (BTW: research the origin of Sigalert - especially if you live in LA and you hear it on AM radio every day and only know it means DANGER, DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!!) was the result of an accident in a very familiar place... The dreaded (brrrr) Morongo Grade.
Every California canyon has an outlet, and this one happens to occur near an oft-used left hand turn (North Indian Canyon). Add construction at that intersection, and you have a recipe for disaster (wait - go away! Damn hyperbole police again!). So, apparently someone failed to stop when the person in front of them had already concluded their forward progress, and you have - in the parlance - a TC (Traffic Collision, for the uniformed - puhlease, try to keep up, people). Don't make me eye-roll you again.
So, this particular TC shuffled my schedule a little bit. By the time it was cleared and traffic was free to move about the country, I had missed my window of opportunity to make it to the doctors office on time for my records. Given that I couldn't make this side trip, I was actually now ahead of schedule. Sooo... What did I do with that hour? Well, I gave in to the gambling Jones. I got a nice fat paycheck from UOP on Friday, and I felt a little 'flush' and decided that I could risk 100 bucks in the hopes of making more...
I pass Casinos all the time, 98% of those without incident. Yesterday was not one of those. Yesterday, there was an incident... or three.
When I have a limited budget (see: Anytime post-2006), I like to play Pai-Gow. Pai-Gow Poker is fun and your money can last a long time. The basic rules: You get 7 cards. You separate them into a 2 card hand and a 5 card hand. Your 5 card hand must beat your 2 card hand. That is the ONLY rule. Everything else is personal preference and interpreting the odds. Speaking of the odds, here is why the money lasts so long: You simply compare your 2 card hand the dealers (and the same with the 5 card hand). You beat both their hands = WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER. You then pay the house a 5% commission on your winnings (this is how the house maintains it's margin.) You lose both hands, the house takes the cash :( If you lose one, win one, it's a push. This is common. There is also a bonus bet ($1-$50) typically, which pays out based on the probability of drawing a certain hand (full house, flush, straight, etc.) The payouts for this small bet (I usually bet either 5 or 10 bucks) can be substantial. My best win ever was four of a kind, I think, and it paid over 400 scoots for a 5 dollah investment. [I start talking gambling and my lingo changes; interesting...]
Bottom line: I lose a hundred bucks in about 20 minutes. Out the door I go. But, wait... I have 30 dollars left in the wallet, I'm going to throw 20 in a slot machine - and then, I promise, that's it! (Every gambler has uttered those words with equal parts hope and conviction.) Well, I chose a machine near the traffic, and one with old-fashioned mechanical reels (the electronic ones are just, I don't know, weird...). I put in the 20 and switched the denomination from nickels to quarters. I tried to hit the "Max Bet" button, but I hadn't put in enough money. I had, however, put in all I was going to... [Max Bet is the only way to get progressive jackpots and the larger payouts. I try to Max Bet whenever I can, but slot machines are pretty damn complicated now.]
I fumbled around trying to figure out my bet, and I pressed the buttons indicating 40 lines and 2 quarters per line. So, that's 80 quarters (or 20 bucks); I'm all in. The tumblers go around and in a zig-zag pattern, linked with a 3X wild card and a 2X wild card, I had five 7's. The machine lit up and the payout counted up - I never have any idea how high it's going to go because, again, the machines are too darn complicated. Well, it stopped on 856 or some such and I said "Payout" and took that ticket with $214.00 printed on it right to the cashiers window. I took those two crisp (when did we redesign the Gallagher notes again?) I had dos one Hundred Dollar bills, a ten, and four ones, and I hightailed it out of there so glad I listened to my little voice...
I got to San Berdoo with enough time to take a nap, which was nice. I had a damn good statistics class and headed home about 9:50 (class is supposed to get out at 10, but...). At that hour, I calculated that I'd be home around 11:10 or so and hit the hay by 11:30. I felt good and ignored (most of) the idiots trying to race me down The Ten towards Beaumont. People, please - this is my home track!
I almost passed up the casino exit, but that little voice inside my head said, "Hey, pssst. Over here... You know that 300 dollars you need for those new struts? Yes. Yes, I do. Okay, well, you won a hundred of it already, you've got two crisp 100 dollar bills in your pocket, you are riding high, YOU CAN'T LOSE!
Next time, when they ask me big bills, or twenties, I'm going for the twenties. That feels like spending money. Real money. Useful money. I mean, what am I going to do with 2 one hundred dollar bills?
Gamble them.
And lose them, of course.
When I arrived home 2 minutes shy of midnight, the self-flagellation had tapered off, finally giving way to rationalization and even forgiveness. The adrenaline, however, still ebbed until 1AM or so, and my first alarm this morning (6AM) was greeted by a person already an hour awake. (Diuretics and an enlarged prostate do not make good bedfellows - any of my brethren diagnosed with PC, and also taking diuretics [in my case for hypertension], I urge you to get healthy and minimize the dosing of your diuretics. Thankfully, I was able to reduce my dose from 50mg/day down to 12.5mg/day - and the attendant bathroom visits by about the same ratio, 4:1)
So, that's a very long-winded (the hyperbole police snoozed through that understatement...) way of telling you why I'm tired tonight and this post will probably be brief... (Even though I started at 6:39PM and Mickey just pointed the big hand to the 12, and the little to the 8.)
Well, that's a blog entry.
I have to get something to eat. Hang on.
When next I write, I hope I remember to tell you why I'm so fortunate. The reasons are manifold, but there is one in particular that merits my attention next... [Here is a secret clue for me, should I forget tomorrow. Of course, I don't re-read these entries, so what good is a hint embedded here? Oh, bother...]
Think 'Christmas' [That's the hint]
Tonight, instead of students taking us to the close, I'm turning to Walt Whitman. Robin Williams brought these words to life for me in 'Dead Poets Society', and - even though Carpe Diem was seared so far into my subconsciousness that I got it tattooed on my arm (my only tattoo, mind you), it's as if I am hearing those words now for the first time.
Ladies, gentlemen, and others, may I present to you, Mr. Walt Whitman.
I'm sorry. I can't do justice to Whitman right now. All I can say to Mr. Whitman, and Mr. Williams, and Mr. Keating, is thank you. Thank you! THANK YOU for the passion you instilled in me just reading the title, O Me! O Life! let alone to hear the answer ringing my head:
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
The sound of those words in my ears sent me out under the incredible canopy of the stars and I dropped to my knees and soaked in the vastness, the stars, the air, the possibilities...
Forget the disclaimer above: No cliffhanger, here is the truth, writ large:
CANCER IS A GIFT
My bodies alarm clock just went off. I'm GLAD it's now. I'm GLAD it's me. I'm GLAD and I'm ready. I'm ready to contribute my verse!! And, there is no doubt that the healthy choices I am making now will prolong my life by years - perhaps decades. I'll take the jarring noise of that alarm clock to start this brand new day.
It's now 10:19PM. Blogging ain't always pretty.
Why?
Well, let me review the activities of the past twenty-eight hours or so... [Insert flashback music and sound effects here]
Yesterday at work, we had an all day staff development meeting. Typically, these meetings adjourn between 1:45 and 2:15 to allow for reasonable commutes back to work sites or home. (Our school is comprised of 5 campuses presently - and growing - so many of the staff travel long miles.)
Yesterday's meeting followed a slightly different format. They did skip "Employee Recognition" and I was hoping it might be my turn this time... Apparently, I think more of myself than they do of me :( Although, from a positive standpoint, that represents a sea change in my attitude; normally, I'm fretting that I have no clue what the heck I'm doing, and fear they're going to can my ass at any moment. (I made sure that autospell didn't turn that into 'cane my ass,' that would have been a whole different connotation...)
Anyway, nice to see my confidence and comfort growing. Being a closet pessimist is difficult business. You have to ignore all the positive things surrounding you, then focus on some minute negative - often one invented in the deepest, darkest recesses of your own fears. But I know I'm doing a great job at work!! (Now, if I could only tame that paper dragon - administrivia is my kryptonite!)
Anyway, we were still going strong at 2:30 in a voluntary session. Unfortunately, sometimes 'voluntary' doesn't really mean 'voluntary', and this was likely one of those times. Normally, this would not be a big deal, but when is my life ever normal? {What the heck!!! Sorry - sirens are going off here - the hyperbole police just showed up and gave me a warning. Okay, okay, let me not be a drama queen (he said while rolling his eyes).}
No, I had decided that Monday would be a perfectly good day to leave early (at the typical end time of 2PMish) and head 'down the hill' to Palm Springs to get my medical records in advance of my visit with the surgeons on Thursday. I had picked this day and time because after swooping in for my records, I had to drive to San Bernardino to teach my 6PM class; and this schedule would have allowed me to get to my doctor's office before they closed, and then to SB by 5PM or so.
Well, I hung in there at the meeting until about 2:40, when I informed my boss that I was going to (in the words of my old pal, Snagglepuss) exit, stage left...
So, other than worrying that I was stepping out early on an 'optional' meeting, my plan was working flawlessly. (Cue the evil laugh... That's good, thank you.) Well, at least until driving approximately 8 miles to the west. Then stopping 8 miles to the west. Then standing outside my car 8 miles to the west. For one hour and fifteen minutes... 8 miles to the west. The problem was, I had to go more than 8 miles to the west. Now, let's be honest. This is California, after all. Traffic tie-ups like this are not only commonplace, they are expected - heck, they even have a name - a Sigalert! Well, this particular Sigalert (BTW: research the origin of Sigalert - especially if you live in LA and you hear it on AM radio every day and only know it means DANGER, DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!!!) was the result of an accident in a very familiar place... The dreaded (brrrr) Morongo Grade.
Every California canyon has an outlet, and this one happens to occur near an oft-used left hand turn (North Indian Canyon). Add construction at that intersection, and you have a recipe for disaster (wait - go away! Damn hyperbole police again!). So, apparently someone failed to stop when the person in front of them had already concluded their forward progress, and you have - in the parlance - a TC (Traffic Collision, for the uniformed - puhlease, try to keep up, people). Don't make me eye-roll you again.
So, this particular TC shuffled my schedule a little bit. By the time it was cleared and traffic was free to move about the country, I had missed my window of opportunity to make it to the doctors office on time for my records. Given that I couldn't make this side trip, I was actually now ahead of schedule. Sooo... What did I do with that hour? Well, I gave in to the gambling Jones. I got a nice fat paycheck from UOP on Friday, and I felt a little 'flush' and decided that I could risk 100 bucks in the hopes of making more...
I pass Casinos all the time, 98% of those without incident. Yesterday was not one of those. Yesterday, there was an incident... or three.
When I have a limited budget (see: Anytime post-2006), I like to play Pai-Gow. Pai-Gow Poker is fun and your money can last a long time. The basic rules: You get 7 cards. You separate them into a 2 card hand and a 5 card hand. Your 5 card hand must beat your 2 card hand. That is the ONLY rule. Everything else is personal preference and interpreting the odds. Speaking of the odds, here is why the money lasts so long: You simply compare your 2 card hand the dealers (and the same with the 5 card hand). You beat both their hands = WINNER, WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER. You then pay the house a 5% commission on your winnings (this is how the house maintains it's margin.) You lose both hands, the house takes the cash :( If you lose one, win one, it's a push. This is common. There is also a bonus bet ($1-$50) typically, which pays out based on the probability of drawing a certain hand (full house, flush, straight, etc.) The payouts for this small bet (I usually bet either 5 or 10 bucks) can be substantial. My best win ever was four of a kind, I think, and it paid over 400 scoots for a 5 dollah investment. [I start talking gambling and my lingo changes; interesting...]
Bottom line: I lose a hundred bucks in about 20 minutes. Out the door I go. But, wait... I have 30 dollars left in the wallet, I'm going to throw 20 in a slot machine - and then, I promise, that's it! (Every gambler has uttered those words with equal parts hope and conviction.) Well, I chose a machine near the traffic, and one with old-fashioned mechanical reels (the electronic ones are just, I don't know, weird...). I put in the 20 and switched the denomination from nickels to quarters. I tried to hit the "Max Bet" button, but I hadn't put in enough money. I had, however, put in all I was going to... [Max Bet is the only way to get progressive jackpots and the larger payouts. I try to Max Bet whenever I can, but slot machines are pretty damn complicated now.]
I fumbled around trying to figure out my bet, and I pressed the buttons indicating 40 lines and 2 quarters per line. So, that's 80 quarters (or 20 bucks); I'm all in. The tumblers go around and in a zig-zag pattern, linked with a 3X wild card and a 2X wild card, I had five 7's. The machine lit up and the payout counted up - I never have any idea how high it's going to go because, again, the machines are too darn complicated. Well, it stopped on 856 or some such and I said "Payout" and took that ticket with $214.00 printed on it right to the cashiers window. I took those two crisp (when did we redesign the Gallagher notes again?) I had dos one Hundred Dollar bills, a ten, and four ones, and I hightailed it out of there so glad I listened to my little voice...
I got to San Berdoo with enough time to take a nap, which was nice. I had a damn good statistics class and headed home about 9:50 (class is supposed to get out at 10, but...). At that hour, I calculated that I'd be home around 11:10 or so and hit the hay by 11:30. I felt good and ignored (most of) the idiots trying to race me down The Ten towards Beaumont. People, please - this is my home track!
I almost passed up the casino exit, but that little voice inside my head said, "Hey, pssst. Over here... You know that 300 dollars you need for those new struts? Yes. Yes, I do. Okay, well, you won a hundred of it already, you've got two crisp 100 dollar bills in your pocket, you are riding high, YOU CAN'T LOSE!
Next time, when they ask me big bills, or twenties, I'm going for the twenties. That feels like spending money. Real money. Useful money. I mean, what am I going to do with 2 one hundred dollar bills?
Gamble them.
And lose them, of course.
When I arrived home 2 minutes shy of midnight, the self-flagellation had tapered off, finally giving way to rationalization and even forgiveness. The adrenaline, however, still ebbed until 1AM or so, and my first alarm this morning (6AM) was greeted by a person already an hour awake. (Diuretics and an enlarged prostate do not make good bedfellows - any of my brethren diagnosed with PC, and also taking diuretics [in my case for hypertension], I urge you to get healthy and minimize the dosing of your diuretics. Thankfully, I was able to reduce my dose from 50mg/day down to 12.5mg/day - and the attendant bathroom visits by about the same ratio, 4:1)
So, that's a very long-winded (the hyperbole police snoozed through that understatement...) way of telling you why I'm tired tonight and this post will probably be brief... (Even though I started at 6:39PM and Mickey just pointed the big hand to the 12, and the little to the 8.)
Well, that's a blog entry.
I have to get something to eat. Hang on.
When next I write, I hope I remember to tell you why I'm so fortunate. The reasons are manifold, but there is one in particular that merits my attention next... [Here is a secret clue for me, should I forget tomorrow. Of course, I don't re-read these entries, so what good is a hint embedded here? Oh, bother...]
Think 'Christmas' [That's the hint]
Tonight, instead of students taking us to the close, I'm turning to Walt Whitman. Robin Williams brought these words to life for me in 'Dead Poets Society', and - even though Carpe Diem was seared so far into my subconsciousness that I got it tattooed on my arm (my only tattoo, mind you), it's as if I am hearing those words now for the first time.
Ladies, gentlemen, and others, may I present to you, Mr. Walt Whitman.
I'm sorry. I can't do justice to Whitman right now. All I can say to Mr. Whitman, and Mr. Williams, and Mr. Keating, is thank you. Thank you! THANK YOU for the passion you instilled in me just reading the title, O Me! O Life! let alone to hear the answer ringing my head:
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
The sound of those words in my ears sent me out under the incredible canopy of the stars and I dropped to my knees and soaked in the vastness, the stars, the air, the possibilities...
Forget the disclaimer above: No cliffhanger, here is the truth, writ large:
CANCER IS A GIFT
My bodies alarm clock just went off. I'm GLAD it's now. I'm GLAD it's me. I'm GLAD and I'm ready. I'm ready to contribute my verse!! And, there is no doubt that the healthy choices I am making now will prolong my life by years - perhaps decades. I'll take the jarring noise of that alarm clock to start this brand new day.
It's now 10:19PM. Blogging ain't always pretty.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
It's late on Sunday evening, and I wanted to share just a few thoughts with you before I turn in for the evening...
Let's amend that last statement: I wanted to share one thought with you before I turn in this evening:
Please, please, please, don't be afraid to talk to people who are sick, suffering, different from you, in pain, or struggling to overcome ___________. We are human beings and we are all struggling with something.
Why am I sharing this now? Well, I recently visited with two dear friends, who I hadn't seen in a few months. Each knows of my cancer diagnosis, and I've tried hard to keep them updated on my status, invited them to read the blog, etc. When I saw each of them, there was an awkwardness to the conversations, until the issue finally came out. I suppose each conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey, how you doing?
Them: Great. What about you?
Me: I'm doing well. Saw my doctor the other day, and... 'blah, blah, blah'
Them: Good luck with all that.
Me: Thanks.
Them (and me): Hmmmm.... Hmmmmm...
Finally, me, after a seeming eternity: I feel great. I really do. I've changed my diet, lost some weight. I feel good about these positive changes I've made in my lifestyle!
Them (relieved): Oh, you look great! I wasn't sure if you were trying to lose weight on purpose (implying - but not saying - or if it's the cancer). Good for you!!!
[Resume normal conversation]
These are not acquaintances, but people I've know for many years and people with whom I've spent many hours.
Perhaps those of you who have experienced this same sort of thing are nodding your head right now. Hey, I get it. People don't know what to say. Worse yet, they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. So, instead, we get those awkward silences while the elephant takes up residence right in the room. There may come a day I look like crap. Please say so. "Ken, you look like you're really fighting the battle - keep it up!" is waaaaay better than stony silence. And if you don't know what to say to someone, say that! "Hey, I know you are really up against it. I don't know what to say..." Again, way better than nothing.
Honesty and sincerity go a long way. You may say the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time, but if it's delivered with sincerity and honesty (and a little tact), people will feel the sincerity and react to that, as opposed to being shocked, mortified, offended - or whatever other reaction you may have been fearing.
I'd like to offer a case in point, and them I'm off to the land of nod...
The scene is the hair salon where I've been getting my hair cut for the past 16 or 17 years. At the time, my stylist was the very lovely Darla. She and I would chat the time away whilst I got my locks trimmed, and many of these conversations also involved Darla's co-worker, the equally lovely Dawn, who was snipping away nearby... One day I came in to get my hair cut and Darla informed me that Dawn's husband had passed away unexpectedly. At this point in my life, Dawn and I lived in the same city in Orange County - Tustin. When I next saw Dawn, it had been only a few weeks since Steve's passing and I had no idea what to say to her. I knew I had to acknowledge her loss, but I didn't want to be treacly or maudlin about it. I couldn't say, for instance, that I was praying for her (I have a complicated relationship with God; don't get me started on that). For one thing, I didn't know if Dawn held any kind of religious beliefs. Finally, I plunged in and just spoke - from the heart - and I said, "Sorry to hear about your husband. If you ever need a pickle jar opened or something, I'm just a phone call away." Her reaction? Laughter. Gut-splitting laughter and a warm 'thank you'. About two weeks later, she called and said she had a pickle jar that needed opening and could I come over? We've been close friends ever since.
The bottom line is don't shy away from people in distress. That is when we need you the most. In Dawn's case, I think it was the first real laugh she'd allowed herself since burying her husband. Don't focus on your own fear of jamming your foot down your throat, focus on the needs and wants of those you care about.
That's really all I wanted to say. One last thing: Make it a point to say something nice to someone today; better yet, do it now.
Good night, friends. Thanks for your support all these years. And don't forget; I really need it now!
Let's amend that last statement: I wanted to share one thought with you before I turn in this evening:
Please, please, please, don't be afraid to talk to people who are sick, suffering, different from you, in pain, or struggling to overcome ___________. We are human beings and we are all struggling with something.
Why am I sharing this now? Well, I recently visited with two dear friends, who I hadn't seen in a few months. Each knows of my cancer diagnosis, and I've tried hard to keep them updated on my status, invited them to read the blog, etc. When I saw each of them, there was an awkwardness to the conversations, until the issue finally came out. I suppose each conversation went something like this:
Me: Hey, how you doing?
Them: Great. What about you?
Me: I'm doing well. Saw my doctor the other day, and... 'blah, blah, blah'
Them: Good luck with all that.
Me: Thanks.
Them (and me): Hmmmm.... Hmmmmm...
Finally, me, after a seeming eternity: I feel great. I really do. I've changed my diet, lost some weight. I feel good about these positive changes I've made in my lifestyle!
Them (relieved): Oh, you look great! I wasn't sure if you were trying to lose weight on purpose (implying - but not saying - or if it's the cancer). Good for you!!!
[Resume normal conversation]
These are not acquaintances, but people I've know for many years and people with whom I've spent many hours.
Perhaps those of you who have experienced this same sort of thing are nodding your head right now. Hey, I get it. People don't know what to say. Worse yet, they are afraid of saying the wrong thing. So, instead, we get those awkward silences while the elephant takes up residence right in the room. There may come a day I look like crap. Please say so. "Ken, you look like you're really fighting the battle - keep it up!" is waaaaay better than stony silence. And if you don't know what to say to someone, say that! "Hey, I know you are really up against it. I don't know what to say..." Again, way better than nothing.
Honesty and sincerity go a long way. You may say the absolute wrong thing at the wrong time, but if it's delivered with sincerity and honesty (and a little tact), people will feel the sincerity and react to that, as opposed to being shocked, mortified, offended - or whatever other reaction you may have been fearing.
I'd like to offer a case in point, and them I'm off to the land of nod...
The scene is the hair salon where I've been getting my hair cut for the past 16 or 17 years. At the time, my stylist was the very lovely Darla. She and I would chat the time away whilst I got my locks trimmed, and many of these conversations also involved Darla's co-worker, the equally lovely Dawn, who was snipping away nearby... One day I came in to get my hair cut and Darla informed me that Dawn's husband had passed away unexpectedly. At this point in my life, Dawn and I lived in the same city in Orange County - Tustin. When I next saw Dawn, it had been only a few weeks since Steve's passing and I had no idea what to say to her. I knew I had to acknowledge her loss, but I didn't want to be treacly or maudlin about it. I couldn't say, for instance, that I was praying for her (I have a complicated relationship with God; don't get me started on that). For one thing, I didn't know if Dawn held any kind of religious beliefs. Finally, I plunged in and just spoke - from the heart - and I said, "Sorry to hear about your husband. If you ever need a pickle jar opened or something, I'm just a phone call away." Her reaction? Laughter. Gut-splitting laughter and a warm 'thank you'. About two weeks later, she called and said she had a pickle jar that needed opening and could I come over? We've been close friends ever since.
The bottom line is don't shy away from people in distress. That is when we need you the most. In Dawn's case, I think it was the first real laugh she'd allowed herself since burying her husband. Don't focus on your own fear of jamming your foot down your throat, focus on the needs and wants of those you care about.
That's really all I wanted to say. One last thing: Make it a point to say something nice to someone today; better yet, do it now.
Good night, friends. Thanks for your support all these years. And don't forget; I really need it now!
Hi, all, In an ongoing attempt to encourage comments and remove barriers to same, I've changed a couple of settings here on my dashboard. The upshot is that comments should be easier to post (and without the 'Captchas'), but I will be asked to 'moderate' posts. If this means what I think it means, you will be able to post without restriction, then I get to look at your post before it goes public in the blog.
I'm hoping this will accomplish two things:
1. You will be able to comment much more easily (I've had perfectly intelligent, highly capable people tell me that the 'Captchas' are not working properly).
2. By requiring moderation, I am hoping to spare you all from the spam that may or may not result by removing the 'Captcha' defense to spambots.
Stay tuned for further developments! (In the meantime, write a comment to this post and let's see if we can't get the dialog flowing!!!)
Later.
I'm hoping this will accomplish two things:
1. You will be able to comment much more easily (I've had perfectly intelligent, highly capable people tell me that the 'Captchas' are not working properly).
2. By requiring moderation, I am hoping to spare you all from the spam that may or may not result by removing the 'Captcha' defense to spambots.
Stay tuned for further developments! (In the meantime, write a comment to this post and let's see if we can't get the dialog flowing!!!)
Later.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
SPECIAL BLOG ENTRY:
I've now been able to converse directly with a few people who have still experienced problems posting comments to the blog. From the little evidence I have, it appears the problem may be in entering the 'Captcha' code. I've also heard of some issues when attempting to post from devices like tablets.
I'll research it again. In the meantime, though, check carefully to see if your computer is asking for a CAPTCHA code. If it does, make sure and enter it into the appropriate box, and (hopefully) you're good to go!
I'm going to set up a new e-mail account dedicated to blog readers. That might be a short term solution to mitigating the comment 'challenge.'
Thanks for hanging in there with me, everybody. I think the good stuff is coming any day now ;)
Good night.
I've now been able to converse directly with a few people who have still experienced problems posting comments to the blog. From the little evidence I have, it appears the problem may be in entering the 'Captcha' code. I've also heard of some issues when attempting to post from devices like tablets.
I'll research it again. In the meantime, though, check carefully to see if your computer is asking for a CAPTCHA code. If it does, make sure and enter it into the appropriate box, and (hopefully) you're good to go!
I'm going to set up a new e-mail account dedicated to blog readers. That might be a short term solution to mitigating the comment 'challenge.'
Thanks for hanging in there with me, everybody. I think the good stuff is coming any day now ;)
Good night.
Zero Balance
Ode
Car
Rock
Horizon
Friends
Book
Help
Support
Denver
Professor
Doc
I'm sorry, folks, after 28 hours on the road for a quick 'Stella visit', I've got too many blog topics forcing their way to the head of the line. Hey! Hey! Stop shoving! This isn't Black Friday, control yourselves!!! To paraphrase the old TV commercial: Organizing and remembering ideas is like herding cats. It just doesn't turn out well. An important idea will pop into my head and I'll try to capture it with a mnemonic device of some kind. And I'll sit there in my car, passing the miles desperately trying to remember that Pumpkins=Squash=Racquetsports=Don't forget to tell that funny story about racquetball! And I'll do pretty well to be honest - until the next shiny object appears within my ken. (Ooooooh. I've always wanted to use that word in context! Ever since I was a kid, I thought it was cool that my name was in the dictionary.)
So... Off my brain goes chasing this new thought, idea, concept, reflection, etc. Or, perhaps the prevailing thought is, "How can I get a second look at the redhead that just passed me? Hmmmm... Did she smile at me? If I pull up next to her, should I try to get her attention? Should I just look over casually - on the off chance that she might be looking surreptitiously at me? [Editor's note: Normally, I just stroke my facial hair. I'm not sure why, but I discovered this some time ago. Now, if I pull alongside a nice looking lady, I drop my head slightly, avert my gaze discretely away from them, and then... run my fingers through my beard. It's become rather like deja vu. In that moment you realize, "I've lived this before, and I know exactly what's coming next", and you're absolutely powerless to reprogram the next 60 seconds or so... That, sadly, is me cruising by a cute chick... Hey, I never claimed to be a ladies man!]
The upshot is that when I try to access the appropriate RAM, I plug 'pumpkin' into the "Google Search" engine, I get a cross reference of 'pie.' Crap. Why was I thinking about pumpkin pie? Was it that one time we had the "Pie Toss" at John Glenn Middle School and that one student kept missing me, so he ran up and smashed a plate full of whipped cream in my face - darn near breaking my nose (again) in the process! That must be it. Tell that story.
In the meantime, dangling off into the deepest darkest recesses of my conscious, a great story drifts off...
Untold.
What a tragedy.
Thanks for giving me the night off. It was a quick run to SD and back and now my bed beckons. She is an irresistible siren...
Tomorrow is a true day off for me. I will be back with you then.
Peace and a can of hair grease (that one's for you, hoser!)
Much love.
Mr. P
CARPE DIEM
PS - Quick note here: I tried for several miles and exasperating minutes to get Siri to work while I was driving yesterday. I was going to send a text to my daughter, and write a quick reminder note so I didn't have to remember any silly (or even brilliant) mnemonic device... Unfortunately, my issues with technology are well documented. Finally, in the interest of my blood pressure (and a safe arrival in San Diego), I gave it up.
PPS - Tomorrow is a new day :)
Ode
Car
Rock
Horizon
Friends
Book
Help
Support
Denver
Professor
Doc
I'm sorry, folks, after 28 hours on the road for a quick 'Stella visit', I've got too many blog topics forcing their way to the head of the line. Hey! Hey! Stop shoving! This isn't Black Friday, control yourselves!!! To paraphrase the old TV commercial: Organizing and remembering ideas is like herding cats. It just doesn't turn out well. An important idea will pop into my head and I'll try to capture it with a mnemonic device of some kind. And I'll sit there in my car, passing the miles desperately trying to remember that Pumpkins=Squash=Racquetsports=Don't forget to tell that funny story about racquetball! And I'll do pretty well to be honest - until the next shiny object appears within my ken. (Ooooooh. I've always wanted to use that word in context! Ever since I was a kid, I thought it was cool that my name was in the dictionary.)
So... Off my brain goes chasing this new thought, idea, concept, reflection, etc. Or, perhaps the prevailing thought is, "How can I get a second look at the redhead that just passed me? Hmmmm... Did she smile at me? If I pull up next to her, should I try to get her attention? Should I just look over casually - on the off chance that she might be looking surreptitiously at me? [Editor's note: Normally, I just stroke my facial hair. I'm not sure why, but I discovered this some time ago. Now, if I pull alongside a nice looking lady, I drop my head slightly, avert my gaze discretely away from them, and then... run my fingers through my beard. It's become rather like deja vu. In that moment you realize, "I've lived this before, and I know exactly what's coming next", and you're absolutely powerless to reprogram the next 60 seconds or so... That, sadly, is me cruising by a cute chick... Hey, I never claimed to be a ladies man!]
The upshot is that when I try to access the appropriate RAM, I plug 'pumpkin' into the "Google Search" engine, I get a cross reference of 'pie.' Crap. Why was I thinking about pumpkin pie? Was it that one time we had the "Pie Toss" at John Glenn Middle School and that one student kept missing me, so he ran up and smashed a plate full of whipped cream in my face - darn near breaking my nose (again) in the process! That must be it. Tell that story.
In the meantime, dangling off into the deepest darkest recesses of my conscious, a great story drifts off...
Untold.
What a tragedy.
Thanks for giving me the night off. It was a quick run to SD and back and now my bed beckons. She is an irresistible siren...
Tomorrow is a true day off for me. I will be back with you then.
Peace and a can of hair grease (that one's for you, hoser!)
Much love.
Mr. P
CARPE DIEM
PS - Quick note here: I tried for several miles and exasperating minutes to get Siri to work while I was driving yesterday. I was going to send a text to my daughter, and write a quick reminder note so I didn't have to remember any silly (or even brilliant) mnemonic device... Unfortunately, my issues with technology are well documented. Finally, in the interest of my blood pressure (and a safe arrival in San Diego), I gave it up.
PPS - Tomorrow is a new day :)
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Hello, all. Seems it's been a while. A lot to get to today, and it's late, so I'm going to be all business. (Please. Keep the snickering to yourselves...)
First and foremost, I got my radiology results today. If you recall, I had a 'hot spot' on a rib that was flagged by the radiologist as a potential tumor when they looked at my bone scan. The rib was x-rayed last week, and the films were clear. (Yes, I know they haven't used film in eons, but let this ex-Kodaker enjoy a moment...)
So, bottom line is no metastases were detected anywhere in my body. The upshot is the cancer is confined to my prostate, as suggested by the Gleason score (6) and the stage the cancer was caught (T2). This leads to the best possible prognosis.
So, that's a relief.
Now, what's next? Or should I say, what else has been going on?
I'm so glad you asked. The answer - in a word - plenty.
I started my hormone therapy and had my first shot of Leuprolide Acetate (henceforth, 'Lupro') on Monday of this week. Among the side effects I was warned to anticipate, I have experienced a few - as well as one I didn't anticipate...
Here they are (in order of pain-in-the-assedness; if there were such a measure):
Headaches. I wasn't expecting to have headaches each morning for the past few days. Not entirely pleasant, I must say. It effected [Editor's note: Please don't parse my writing to the nth degree - I admit I get confused in the usage of effect and affect - but I suspect I'm not in the minority on this one...] my mood, for sure.
Which leads me to number two:
Mood swings. As we have already established, I can turn on a dime from uber-friendly to unbelievably sullen in about 7.5 nanoseconds on a good day. I'm not quite sure how to quantify the onset with the shot yet, but stay tuned. I'm certainly hoping that I can step back out of myself and reflect before I react, but...
Hot Flashes. I have to admit, I told the ladies in my Wednesday night Psychology 475 class (shout out! - now finish up those Powerpoints for next week...) that I can now empathize. Luckily for me, I dress to accommodate this particular affliction. The cure? The sleeveless sweater vest (yes, Kenny and April, that one is for you...). Lord knows, I love my sleeveless sweater vests (and I have positive evidence from at least one of my former college students who used to tell me, "Mr. P, sweater vests are hot!" Of course, I assumed she just had stock in wool companies...
Fatigue. This one is also rather irksome. I am having a very hard time keeping up with my usual schedule, and find myself needing to schedule more down time than normal. Now, regular readers (and perhaps those without enough fiber in their diet) will recall that down time is very important to me. And, sadly, illusive. I'm going to have to power through this, though, and I think my diet and weight control will help me in the long run. Again, stay tuned. This all just started three days ago.
I just want to acknowledge once again that this is an imminently curable form of cancer. I know that I will be healthy in no time flat, and hopefully on my Harley, eastbound, on the 10th of June... Further, I want to send love, energy, positivity, and great respect to those who are dealing with situations far worse than mine. Please, remember, that everyone you meet carries his or her burdens in their own way. Please, just be aware - and be good to each other.
One housekeeping item I'd like to talk about here: It's often been said to me that the blog is really best when enjoyed from the beginning. That one can see things unfolding or evolving. As you read my posts, you will notice a few randomly scattered admonitions to do just that - read the whole thing, and read it from the start - that sort of thing...
I'm curious, especially since the entries are becoming more numerous, how the readers feel? Tell me, did you pick up the thread from the early days, like my friend, Billy? Or are you someone who has only just come to the blog? [Editor's note: I started to list some notable new readers and the list was heartwarmingly long... Sorry if you read this and said, "What about me?" I just don't want to start that roster and leave someone off... I love all my readers!!!]
I'd like to hear from both camps: Those that stumbled in and read from September 2012 to present and those who wandered by and read a few entries, eventually reading backwards chronologically?
This is a long-winded way of saying, "Should I post the 'Read from the outset' reminder again?"
That is all my feeble brain can support tonight. I still have pent-up topics that I am dying to share with you...
Tomorrow night is "Stella night!!!!"
You shan't be hearing from me for a bit. Don't worry, though. All is right with the world.
Tonight, a word from a few of my adult students:
"I must tell you, the thought of 10 weeks College Mathematics gave me panic attacks. Thankfully, with a teacher like you, you made math tolerable (even 37 years later). Be well and don't ever stop teaching."
"Having you as my math teacher was great. I now feel more confident than I ever did in the past 10 years. U ROCK!"
"I am so thankful to have had you as my teacher for the my last 3 classes. You have made a huge difference in how I view math. Thank you for everything!"
"You are a very special teacher, with a gift. The methods, humor, & patience that you bestow upon your students is a talent that I have never witnessed before... especially in a math teacher :-)"
What more could I possibly add? Good night.
Carpe Diem.
Hang on. A quick post script here:
I have to mention my footwear. Most evenings, blogging is the last thing I do before I turn in for the evening. As such, the dress is quite, uh, casual. This evening, I wanted 'a little something' on my tootsies. Given that my slippers are already packed for the trip to "Stellaland" tomorrow, and socks just wouldn't quite do it, my mind began to search my RAM to see if I could come up with a solution. Just then, I remembered a find from my unpacking activities a week ago.
In one of the boxes I unpacked, I had found a veritable treasure. A true one-of-a-kind item. And tonight, they would serve me - and my feet - oh so well. I'm talking about yarn, crochet hooks, and my dear old grandmother, Alice Myers Petronis Kehoe. What a woman she was! My last direct link to my incredible grandmother is this pair of crocheted booties... I know many of you - including my ENTIRE family who are reading this - are nodding their heads up and down in appreciation. The annual Christmas gift was as big a hit in my family as any robot or Tonka truck.
Mine are now reserved for special occasions - which is, of course - anytime I put on my booties for a stroll down memory lane...
Sweet dreams, y'all.
First and foremost, I got my radiology results today. If you recall, I had a 'hot spot' on a rib that was flagged by the radiologist as a potential tumor when they looked at my bone scan. The rib was x-rayed last week, and the films were clear. (Yes, I know they haven't used film in eons, but let this ex-Kodaker enjoy a moment...)
So, bottom line is no metastases were detected anywhere in my body. The upshot is the cancer is confined to my prostate, as suggested by the Gleason score (6) and the stage the cancer was caught (T2). This leads to the best possible prognosis.
So, that's a relief.
Now, what's next? Or should I say, what else has been going on?
I'm so glad you asked. The answer - in a word - plenty.
I started my hormone therapy and had my first shot of Leuprolide Acetate (henceforth, 'Lupro') on Monday of this week. Among the side effects I was warned to anticipate, I have experienced a few - as well as one I didn't anticipate...
Here they are (in order of pain-in-the-assedness; if there were such a measure):
Headaches. I wasn't expecting to have headaches each morning for the past few days. Not entirely pleasant, I must say. It effected [Editor's note: Please don't parse my writing to the nth degree - I admit I get confused in the usage of effect and affect - but I suspect I'm not in the minority on this one...] my mood, for sure.
Which leads me to number two:
Mood swings. As we have already established, I can turn on a dime from uber-friendly to unbelievably sullen in about 7.5 nanoseconds on a good day. I'm not quite sure how to quantify the onset with the shot yet, but stay tuned. I'm certainly hoping that I can step back out of myself and reflect before I react, but...
Hot Flashes. I have to admit, I told the ladies in my Wednesday night Psychology 475 class (shout out! - now finish up those Powerpoints for next week...) that I can now empathize. Luckily for me, I dress to accommodate this particular affliction. The cure? The sleeveless sweater vest (yes, Kenny and April, that one is for you...). Lord knows, I love my sleeveless sweater vests (and I have positive evidence from at least one of my former college students who used to tell me, "Mr. P, sweater vests are hot!" Of course, I assumed she just had stock in wool companies...
Fatigue. This one is also rather irksome. I am having a very hard time keeping up with my usual schedule, and find myself needing to schedule more down time than normal. Now, regular readers (and perhaps those without enough fiber in their diet) will recall that down time is very important to me. And, sadly, illusive. I'm going to have to power through this, though, and I think my diet and weight control will help me in the long run. Again, stay tuned. This all just started three days ago.
I just want to acknowledge once again that this is an imminently curable form of cancer. I know that I will be healthy in no time flat, and hopefully on my Harley, eastbound, on the 10th of June... Further, I want to send love, energy, positivity, and great respect to those who are dealing with situations far worse than mine. Please, remember, that everyone you meet carries his or her burdens in their own way. Please, just be aware - and be good to each other.
One housekeeping item I'd like to talk about here: It's often been said to me that the blog is really best when enjoyed from the beginning. That one can see things unfolding or evolving. As you read my posts, you will notice a few randomly scattered admonitions to do just that - read the whole thing, and read it from the start - that sort of thing...
I'm curious, especially since the entries are becoming more numerous, how the readers feel? Tell me, did you pick up the thread from the early days, like my friend, Billy? Or are you someone who has only just come to the blog? [Editor's note: I started to list some notable new readers and the list was heartwarmingly long... Sorry if you read this and said, "What about me?" I just don't want to start that roster and leave someone off... I love all my readers!!!]
I'd like to hear from both camps: Those that stumbled in and read from September 2012 to present and those who wandered by and read a few entries, eventually reading backwards chronologically?
This is a long-winded way of saying, "Should I post the 'Read from the outset' reminder again?"
That is all my feeble brain can support tonight. I still have pent-up topics that I am dying to share with you...
Tomorrow night is "Stella night!!!!"
You shan't be hearing from me for a bit. Don't worry, though. All is right with the world.
Tonight, a word from a few of my adult students:
"I must tell you, the thought of 10 weeks College Mathematics gave me panic attacks. Thankfully, with a teacher like you, you made math tolerable (even 37 years later). Be well and don't ever stop teaching."
"Having you as my math teacher was great. I now feel more confident than I ever did in the past 10 years. U ROCK!"
"I am so thankful to have had you as my teacher for the my last 3 classes. You have made a huge difference in how I view math. Thank you for everything!"
"You are a very special teacher, with a gift. The methods, humor, & patience that you bestow upon your students is a talent that I have never witnessed before... especially in a math teacher :-)"
What more could I possibly add? Good night.
Carpe Diem.
Hang on. A quick post script here:
I have to mention my footwear. Most evenings, blogging is the last thing I do before I turn in for the evening. As such, the dress is quite, uh, casual. This evening, I wanted 'a little something' on my tootsies. Given that my slippers are already packed for the trip to "Stellaland" tomorrow, and socks just wouldn't quite do it, my mind began to search my RAM to see if I could come up with a solution. Just then, I remembered a find from my unpacking activities a week ago.
In one of the boxes I unpacked, I had found a veritable treasure. A true one-of-a-kind item. And tonight, they would serve me - and my feet - oh so well. I'm talking about yarn, crochet hooks, and my dear old grandmother, Alice Myers Petronis Kehoe. What a woman she was! My last direct link to my incredible grandmother is this pair of crocheted booties... I know many of you - including my ENTIRE family who are reading this - are nodding their heads up and down in appreciation. The annual Christmas gift was as big a hit in my family as any robot or Tonka truck.
Mine are now reserved for special occasions - which is, of course - anytime I put on my booties for a stroll down memory lane...
Sweet dreams, y'all.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Well, folks, looks like my time has run out for the day - and no, that doesn't mean I have to run around and look for spare change to plug into my laptop. It means I'm tired and it's time to hit the hay. I had hoped that by this late hour I'd have the new and improved blog site up and running... Unfortunately, that didn't happen.
In the meantime, I'm tying to figure out how to make the best of what we've got here. I've been learning about Google Circles, Google Plus, Profiles, Hangouts, etc. You've got to remember, I got along the first 40 years or so of my life without computers. All this stuff takes time for me. Too much time...
So, I suppose I'm off to bed now. I will catch you all tomorrow. Right here.
Good night.
Carpe Diem
In the meantime, I'm tying to figure out how to make the best of what we've got here. I've been learning about Google Circles, Google Plus, Profiles, Hangouts, etc. You've got to remember, I got along the first 40 years or so of my life without computers. All this stuff takes time for me. Too much time...
So, I suppose I'm off to bed now. I will catch you all tomorrow. Right here.
Good night.
Carpe Diem
I'm trying very hard to calm down right now. I have been trying to get some tech support from my new blog hosts since last Friday!
I thought this was 2014? Do some people just not 'get' customer service!??! I had an issue trying to set up a service appointment for my cell phone today - same damn thing. Nobody wants to tell you how to get help! Why???? Do these companies not want to help us? Do they assume that we are all 18 years old and need no help with our little gizmos? These are companies that happily take our money and then leave us high and dry? Nope. I was hoping we'd be up and running well before now... Grrrr...
Okay, here is the plan... I am going to go whip up some juice for dinner. Hopefully, when I return, I will be calm and I will share some thoughts.
If I can figure out how to allow easier posting of comments, I may not even need to move the blog.
We shall see.
I thought this was 2014? Do some people just not 'get' customer service!??! I had an issue trying to set up a service appointment for my cell phone today - same damn thing. Nobody wants to tell you how to get help! Why???? Do these companies not want to help us? Do they assume that we are all 18 years old and need no help with our little gizmos? These are companies that happily take our money and then leave us high and dry? Nope. I was hoping we'd be up and running well before now... Grrrr...
Okay, here is the plan... I am going to go whip up some juice for dinner. Hopefully, when I return, I will be calm and I will share some thoughts.
If I can figure out how to allow easier posting of comments, I may not even need to move the blog.
We shall see.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
I've decided to keep this very short this evening. It's not that I don't have a lot to talk about, or that there aren't things on my mind, or that my life is so boring that I've got no experiences to relate... No, no, no. Quite the opposite...
You can call this a 'teaser' or a 'promo' or the old bait-and-switch... Whatever you want to call it, the crux of the matter is this: Enough people have weighed in about encountering difficulties commenting on the blog. That just won't cut it. I've asked - nay, I've begged - readers to leave pithy comments (that ALMOST made it through spell check as 'pity' comments...). Any obstacles to doing so are impediments that ....
BLAH BLAH BLAH... Get to the dang point!!!
Effective tomorrow, I am moving this blog to a new location at another URL.
I will post a notice here of that location, as well as in a facebook posting on my homepage (Ken Petronis).
I'm really excited about the change, and I hope you will all make the hop with me.
Until then, enjoy life.
Carpe Diem.
I'll catch you on the flip side...
You can call this a 'teaser' or a 'promo' or the old bait-and-switch... Whatever you want to call it, the crux of the matter is this: Enough people have weighed in about encountering difficulties commenting on the blog. That just won't cut it. I've asked - nay, I've begged - readers to leave pithy comments (that ALMOST made it through spell check as 'pity' comments...). Any obstacles to doing so are impediments that ....
BLAH BLAH BLAH... Get to the dang point!!!
Effective tomorrow, I am moving this blog to a new location at another URL.
I will post a notice here of that location, as well as in a facebook posting on my homepage (Ken Petronis).
I'm really excited about the change, and I hope you will all make the hop with me.
Until then, enjoy life.
Carpe Diem.
I'll catch you on the flip side...
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Okay, I'm back. I still have a cold. I still have cancer. But - I did get rid of that shitty attitude I had yesterday, thankfully. [Special thanks to my wonderful daughter, April, for calling bullshit on that last post...]
Let's get back to talking about cancer treatments. My doctor has prescribed both Leuprolide Acetate and Casodex. The Leuprolide is in shot form and I get my first one on Monday. I'm actually taking a generic for the Casodex (Bicalutamide - 50mg).
According to my doctor, the two drugs are designed to put the cancer into remission until other treatments begin. Let's discuss these two drugs one at a time:
Leuprolide Acetate:
According to the Physician's Desk Reference (PDR) - not to be confused with my son's favorite beer, PBR - is a synthetic nonapeptide analog of naturally occurring gonadotropin-releasing hormone used in the palliative treatment of advanced prostate cancer. [Note: Palliative means that the treatment is not a cure; merely a means of minimizing the effects from, growth, or spread of a disease or condition...]
Basically, this is a hormone therapy, with several possible side effects too numerous to list here.
Casodex:
I started taking 50mg/day three days ago. There are also a litany of potential side effects with this drug. The drug is an 'Anti-Androgen, meaning it blocks the production of that male hormone.
According to WebMD, the two drugs work in conjunction to prevent the production of male hormones - the idea being that cancer cells feed on the hormones, and removing that food source arrests the growth of the cancer.
Yesterday, one of the few things I did accomplish (after 11 phone calls and much frustration) was getting an appointment with the Urology Department at Loma Linda University Medical Center. My appointment is scheduled for February 27. I will keep you posted, certainly.
Am I a little bit concerned about hormone therapy? Yes, I am. But this is not a long-term thing, just a stop-gap until the actual treatment begins. In my case, I'm fairly certain at this point that my 'treatment' will be a prostatectomy, or surgical removal of the prostate. (I have to laugh - whenever I hear the suffix 'ectomy' it reminds me of my drill sergeant from boot camp who used to regularly threaten us with an 'anal encephalectomy.' In his vernacular, this meant having your head surgically removed from your ass... Ah, memories.)
Well, this is a bit of a 'dry' post this evening, but this is where things are at. If you've stopped in to read about the prostate cancer treatments, etc. your doctor may have a different approach, so you may or may not find this information helpful, but there it is, nonetheless.
Tonight's final words go to Mani:
"Dear Mr. P.,
This year has been my favorite year of any school year I have ever had and it is all because of one reason: you. You have been the most kind, hilarious, warm-hearted, all around brilliant teacher I have ever had MY ENTIRE LIFE! It's no wonder every single one of your students love you. The highlight of my day this year was coming to your class. I have never seen a teacher connect with their students the you do. From you, I have learned how to be an all around better person and that's the true mark of an incredible teacher. You will be the teacher I will remember for the rest of my life and, hopefully, one day tell my kids about. You have left your mark on this school as the greatest teacher to have ever taught here. Mr. P, I love you very much and hope that one day I could be half the man you are. Please stay in touch.
PS - Who will I give my apples to now?"
Mani, you are already a fine young man, as evidenced by your incredibly kind and unselfish words. As for your apples, perhaps you should eat those yourself - an apple a day keeps the doctor away, right?
Good night, all. Be good humans.
Carpe Diem
Let's get back to talking about cancer treatments. My doctor has prescribed both Leuprolide Acetate and Casodex. The Leuprolide is in shot form and I get my first one on Monday. I'm actually taking a generic for the Casodex (Bicalutamide - 50mg).
According to my doctor, the two drugs are designed to put the cancer into remission until other treatments begin. Let's discuss these two drugs one at a time:
Leuprolide Acetate:
According to the Physician's Desk Reference (PDR) - not to be confused with my son's favorite beer, PBR - is a synthetic nonapeptide analog of naturally occurring gonadotropin-releasing hormone used in the palliative treatment of advanced prostate cancer. [Note: Palliative means that the treatment is not a cure; merely a means of minimizing the effects from, growth, or spread of a disease or condition...]
Basically, this is a hormone therapy, with several possible side effects too numerous to list here.
Casodex:
I started taking 50mg/day three days ago. There are also a litany of potential side effects with this drug. The drug is an 'Anti-Androgen, meaning it blocks the production of that male hormone.
According to WebMD, the two drugs work in conjunction to prevent the production of male hormones - the idea being that cancer cells feed on the hormones, and removing that food source arrests the growth of the cancer.
Yesterday, one of the few things I did accomplish (after 11 phone calls and much frustration) was getting an appointment with the Urology Department at Loma Linda University Medical Center. My appointment is scheduled for February 27. I will keep you posted, certainly.
Am I a little bit concerned about hormone therapy? Yes, I am. But this is not a long-term thing, just a stop-gap until the actual treatment begins. In my case, I'm fairly certain at this point that my 'treatment' will be a prostatectomy, or surgical removal of the prostate. (I have to laugh - whenever I hear the suffix 'ectomy' it reminds me of my drill sergeant from boot camp who used to regularly threaten us with an 'anal encephalectomy.' In his vernacular, this meant having your head surgically removed from your ass... Ah, memories.)
Well, this is a bit of a 'dry' post this evening, but this is where things are at. If you've stopped in to read about the prostate cancer treatments, etc. your doctor may have a different approach, so you may or may not find this information helpful, but there it is, nonetheless.
Tonight's final words go to Mani:
"Dear Mr. P.,
This year has been my favorite year of any school year I have ever had and it is all because of one reason: you. You have been the most kind, hilarious, warm-hearted, all around brilliant teacher I have ever had MY ENTIRE LIFE! It's no wonder every single one of your students love you. The highlight of my day this year was coming to your class. I have never seen a teacher connect with their students the you do. From you, I have learned how to be an all around better person and that's the true mark of an incredible teacher. You will be the teacher I will remember for the rest of my life and, hopefully, one day tell my kids about. You have left your mark on this school as the greatest teacher to have ever taught here. Mr. P, I love you very much and hope that one day I could be half the man you are. Please stay in touch.
PS - Who will I give my apples to now?"
Mani, you are already a fine young man, as evidenced by your incredibly kind and unselfish words. As for your apples, perhaps you should eat those yourself - an apple a day keeps the doctor away, right?
Good night, all. Be good humans.
Carpe Diem
Friday, February 14, 2014
Took the day off to rest and get some things done. Well, I accomplished a little bit today, but not as much as I would have liked. I did do a lot of sleeping, though. Nyquil chased with Crown Royal Black will do that, I suppose.
I'm still in a foul mood and trying to dig myself out of it, but... Oh, well, not every day can be a GREAT DAY. Oh, Happy Valentines Day to all the couples out there. It's beginning to look like I will never be in a relationship again. I am just going to stay out of the dating pool for the time being and focus on my health.
I mentioned last night that I was going to discuss my cancer treatments. I suppose I will do that now.
Nah, forget that. I don't have the energy or passion to share much of anything with you tonight. I'm feeling defeated again, and I don't know when this feeling will lift. I suppose I just have to hold on until it does.
I will share some kind words with you before I go, however:
Well, this message from Kalina is ironic...
"Dear Mr. P,
I would just like to say I am so happy that was in your class this year. You are one of the most most positive people I know and never cease to have a smile on your face, even if it is a rough day. I love coming into your class, hearing your jokes, and seeing how you interact with your class. You are also so eager to offer and help, and very understanding whenever anything is going on with a student. Thanks for being the best, Mr. P!!"
Thank you, so much, Kalina. I'd love to conjure up one of those smiles now...
Be well, all. I'm sorry. Sometimes depression is not pretty.
I'm still in a foul mood and trying to dig myself out of it, but... Oh, well, not every day can be a GREAT DAY. Oh, Happy Valentines Day to all the couples out there. It's beginning to look like I will never be in a relationship again. I am just going to stay out of the dating pool for the time being and focus on my health.
I mentioned last night that I was going to discuss my cancer treatments. I suppose I will do that now.
Nah, forget that. I don't have the energy or passion to share much of anything with you tonight. I'm feeling defeated again, and I don't know when this feeling will lift. I suppose I just have to hold on until it does.
I will share some kind words with you before I go, however:
Well, this message from Kalina is ironic...
"Dear Mr. P,
I would just like to say I am so happy that was in your class this year. You are one of the most most positive people I know and never cease to have a smile on your face, even if it is a rough day. I love coming into your class, hearing your jokes, and seeing how you interact with your class. You are also so eager to offer and help, and very understanding whenever anything is going on with a student. Thanks for being the best, Mr. P!!"
Thank you, so much, Kalina. I'd love to conjure up one of those smiles now...
Be well, all. I'm sorry. Sometimes depression is not pretty.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
My mind is racing right now, so hold on tight, I have no idea where this crazy thing is going to go.
First, an update on this morning's early post. I did try hard today, and I am in a better place right now than I was 15 hours ago.
It did, indeed, take a village, though. I had kind words from Mari, great advice from Kellan, warm sentiments from Lexi, Georgia, and Meghan, Naader entertained me, my sister listened to me, Tina and Bree honored me, Garrin reached out, Casey shared his prostate story with me, my boss supported me, Jenna took me into her confidence, Jake impressed me, Melissa encouraged me, Susan enlisted her students to inspire me, Doug endured, Patricia shone, Steve and I had a laugh, Jeneva's enthusiasm rubbed off on me, Stephanie shared healthy eating tips, Gioia educated me, my niece, Kelly provided tech support, Bella cared, Cullen was rock steady, Goodie held the fort, Ralph is my role model, Charlene made me chuckle; Kristen, Barbie, Markus, Belinda, Justin, and 'Mrs. Adams' were their usual awesome selves... Not to mention the countless students who shared their lives and time with me.
This appears to be a redundant theme in the blog, but thank you all! I am so humbled.
The conversation with my sister was a turning point for me today. My older sister is the type every brother wishes he could have. She is solid, consistent, open, curious, ethical, wise, encouraging, and a most excellent listener (among many traits)... An hour on the phone with her tonight and I'm seeing things in a whole different light. She reminded me that I am sick. I have cancer. She reminded me that I am in charge of getting myself better. Not my doctors. Not my family. Not my friends. She reminded me that my friends, colleagues, family, and students may be gracious, kind, and considerate, but that I must choose a selfish existence for a time.
When does a man outgrow the advice of his older sister? I'd say never :) Thank you, Sissy, you always cut through the crap and get to the heart of the matter.
So, with all of that said, where does that leave me? Reflecting and thinking. I was just thinking, actually, about a handful of my students who still don't seem to want my help (let me rephrase that: they haven't allowed me to help them - yet). I will find a way. Speaking of helping students, I cannot even begin to tell you what an incredible staff Hope has assembled.
I love working with them and helping our kids. That's what it's all about.
Oh, crap. Does anyone else have the Hokey-Pokey going through their head now?
How about now? Ugh. As my mom would say, "Ken, make him stop!"
So, I'm over this particular entry. I want to get technical with you now regarding my prostate cancer treatment and what's next on the agenda. I'll do that in my next posting - and that will likely be tomorrow. That being the case, the final word goes to Lexi Picard:
"Mr. Petronis,
Wow, what a year this has been! I must say hands-down that you are my favorite teacher through-out my whole high school career. From your down-to-earth personality, to simply your genuine care for students & (the school) in general... Mr. P, you have definitely left an impact on my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason & that you are about to adventure into a whole new & exciting chapter of your life. Some with as big a heart as you deserves the best, and I truly mean that! I will definitely miss having your class next year... Remember: "God doesn't give us anything more than what we can handle." I hope you make an impact on everyone's lives, like you did with mine. You are much appreciated by the class of 2012."
Thank you, Lexi. I miss your wonderful smile, your exceptional posture, and your incredible dance routines. You are one of a kind, and please don't forget that...
Carpe Diem, Lexi, and all my friends.
First, an update on this morning's early post. I did try hard today, and I am in a better place right now than I was 15 hours ago.
It did, indeed, take a village, though. I had kind words from Mari, great advice from Kellan, warm sentiments from Lexi, Georgia, and Meghan, Naader entertained me, my sister listened to me, Tina and Bree honored me, Garrin reached out, Casey shared his prostate story with me, my boss supported me, Jenna took me into her confidence, Jake impressed me, Melissa encouraged me, Susan enlisted her students to inspire me, Doug endured, Patricia shone, Steve and I had a laugh, Jeneva's enthusiasm rubbed off on me, Stephanie shared healthy eating tips, Gioia educated me, my niece, Kelly provided tech support, Bella cared, Cullen was rock steady, Goodie held the fort, Ralph is my role model, Charlene made me chuckle; Kristen, Barbie, Markus, Belinda, Justin, and 'Mrs. Adams' were their usual awesome selves... Not to mention the countless students who shared their lives and time with me.
This appears to be a redundant theme in the blog, but thank you all! I am so humbled.
The conversation with my sister was a turning point for me today. My older sister is the type every brother wishes he could have. She is solid, consistent, open, curious, ethical, wise, encouraging, and a most excellent listener (among many traits)... An hour on the phone with her tonight and I'm seeing things in a whole different light. She reminded me that I am sick. I have cancer. She reminded me that I am in charge of getting myself better. Not my doctors. Not my family. Not my friends. She reminded me that my friends, colleagues, family, and students may be gracious, kind, and considerate, but that I must choose a selfish existence for a time.
When does a man outgrow the advice of his older sister? I'd say never :) Thank you, Sissy, you always cut through the crap and get to the heart of the matter.
So, with all of that said, where does that leave me? Reflecting and thinking. I was just thinking, actually, about a handful of my students who still don't seem to want my help (let me rephrase that: they haven't allowed me to help them - yet). I will find a way. Speaking of helping students, I cannot even begin to tell you what an incredible staff Hope has assembled.
I love working with them and helping our kids. That's what it's all about.
Oh, crap. Does anyone else have the Hokey-Pokey going through their head now?
How about now? Ugh. As my mom would say, "Ken, make him stop!"
So, I'm over this particular entry. I want to get technical with you now regarding my prostate cancer treatment and what's next on the agenda. I'll do that in my next posting - and that will likely be tomorrow. That being the case, the final word goes to Lexi Picard:
"Mr. Petronis,
Wow, what a year this has been! I must say hands-down that you are my favorite teacher through-out my whole high school career. From your down-to-earth personality, to simply your genuine care for students & (the school) in general... Mr. P, you have definitely left an impact on my life. I believe that everything happens for a reason & that you are about to adventure into a whole new & exciting chapter of your life. Some with as big a heart as you deserves the best, and I truly mean that! I will definitely miss having your class next year... Remember: "God doesn't give us anything more than what we can handle." I hope you make an impact on everyone's lives, like you did with mine. You are much appreciated by the class of 2012."
Thank you, Lexi. I miss your wonderful smile, your exceptional posture, and your incredible dance routines. You are one of a kind, and please don't forget that...
Carpe Diem, Lexi, and all my friends.
I'm sorry, folks. I seem to be in a negative spiral of late. I do think that people only have so much energy to give. The majority of mine is going to the school and my students. It's a tough job, 'parenting' 31 adolescents... I'm learning that maintaining a patient, up-beat attitude takes lots of energy... I'm at the point that I need a mental health day. I don't know how people go their whole career chasing that gold watch and never miss a day of work. To me, there is so much value in stepping away - fully, with the brain disengaged from that work - for a day every now and then. Just a day. One to call your own. What would you do if you had a day? Let's say we name it after you... What would be the agenda on _____________ Day??? I'm smiling just picturing the inventive and awesome ideas that would populate that line. Go ahead!!! Sit back for a moment and think about that day. What would you do? Golf? Swim? Hike? Read? Watch TV? Sleep? Lay out in the sun? Go bowling? Go see a sick relative? Bring meals to a homeless shelter? Go out and smile at every person you meet? Meditate? Visit friends and family at the cemetery? The point is that there are an infinite number of ways to spend a REAL DAY OFF. So, what would you do? Share your thoughts in the comments...
I've got to find a way to get my thoughts on paper here...
Two days ago, I was riding an incredible high - things going good at work, a nice 3 day weekend behind me, a good class Monday night, etc. I was optimistic and upbeat.
Tonight, not so much. I've been fighting headaches these past two days. I'm not eating as well as I was. I have zero energy. I can't get out of bed in the morning. My attention span is shot. I've lost interest in ______... My hands have been poised above the keys for the past few moments while I came to grips with what I have to type. I may, indeed, be bi-polar. I think it's time to do some serious research on this. I will do that tomorrow night. (Unless, of course, this depression still has me within its clutches.)
I am going to find an affirmation for us before I close. Perhaps ending that way will help send me off to sleep swiftly and deeply...
"Mr. P:
Oh man, what a year. You made AP Stats fun with your joyful personality, witty jokes, and infectious smile. Most teachers worry about getting the material taught and learned. You did that, but you cared about your students as well. Every time I had a bad day, a smile and a pat on the back always made my day. You inspire me to have fun and make the best out of everything. I thank you for being such an amazing teacher AND person. There needs to be more people in the world like you! I'm going to miss you a ton, and I hope your future brings great things."
Thank you, David. Thank you.
Good night, everyone.
Peace.
Carpe Diem.
I've got to find a way to get my thoughts on paper here...
Two days ago, I was riding an incredible high - things going good at work, a nice 3 day weekend behind me, a good class Monday night, etc. I was optimistic and upbeat.
Tonight, not so much. I've been fighting headaches these past two days. I'm not eating as well as I was. I have zero energy. I can't get out of bed in the morning. My attention span is shot. I've lost interest in ______... My hands have been poised above the keys for the past few moments while I came to grips with what I have to type. I may, indeed, be bi-polar. I think it's time to do some serious research on this. I will do that tomorrow night. (Unless, of course, this depression still has me within its clutches.)
I am going to find an affirmation for us before I close. Perhaps ending that way will help send me off to sleep swiftly and deeply...
"Mr. P:
Oh man, what a year. You made AP Stats fun with your joyful personality, witty jokes, and infectious smile. Most teachers worry about getting the material taught and learned. You did that, but you cared about your students as well. Every time I had a bad day, a smile and a pat on the back always made my day. You inspire me to have fun and make the best out of everything. I thank you for being such an amazing teacher AND person. There needs to be more people in the world like you! I'm going to miss you a ton, and I hope your future brings great things."
Thank you, David. Thank you.
Good night, everyone.
Peace.
Carpe Diem.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I wanted to follow up with a brief note on my recent blogging history: Yesterday, I was hiking and then teaching class (with a detour for an attempted x-ray).
Tonight, with my aunt's passing, I didn't want to muddle that post honoring my family with my 'issues.' My short story, tonight, is that I'm tired. I'm not attacking the day, I'm having a hard time dragging myself out of bed, and the feeling seems to pervade the rest of the day as well...
Tonight's solution is to go to bed - now. And to go to sleep - now.
I will catch up with you soon, and we can brainstorm other solutions then...
I have been an ardent blogger on my 'up' days. You deserve to hear something from me on the others as well...
Good night.
Tonight, with my aunt's passing, I didn't want to muddle that post honoring my family with my 'issues.' My short story, tonight, is that I'm tired. I'm not attacking the day, I'm having a hard time dragging myself out of bed, and the feeling seems to pervade the rest of the day as well...
Tonight's solution is to go to bed - now. And to go to sleep - now.
I will catch up with you soon, and we can brainstorm other solutions then...
I have been an ardent blogger on my 'up' days. You deserve to hear something from me on the others as well...
Good night.
I went in for my follow up x-rays today. I will share more about that tomorrow.
My aunt, Kathy (Maloney) Peltier passed away today. She was an incredible lady. She was also part of an incredible duo. My uncle, Ted Peltier, DBB (that's doctorate in ball-busting, for the uninitiated) was a demi-god to my generation. He was an old-school marine who could scare the shit out of you with one word or one withering stare - and he'd actually mean it about 3% of the time. He had actual tattoos - way before everybody got a tattoo. He was fit as a fiddle, and usually the coolest guy in the room. He may have been the greatest actor I have ever known. How many people could call their own family members - multiple times over decades - with different accents and sales pitches and tall tales and spiels of every kind, and not get caught once!??! Oh, he had the best needle, ever. He was deadly accurate and stone-cold in his delivery. Once he set the hook and reeled you in, his hearty laugh completed the tableau... I loved that man.
My aunt was - in a word - elegant. She seemed forever young and almost stylish. She was so loving and sincere and very interested in everything happening in your life. Many people ask the question, "What's new?" and so very few meant it. If she asked, she wanted to know. And that, God love her, usually meant a lengthy conversation :) I can spin a yarn on occasion, but my Aunt Kathy was a master conversationalist. Her smoking seemed to add to her 'cool factor' as well, honestly. She was a singer, a pianist, an accordion player(!), she was the pied piper calling everyone together around the piano for a sing-along. I can remember many occasions when we young-uns were supposed to be in bed, but we could still hear them singing and carrying on. Irish wakes are legendary for a reason! My Aunt Kathy was awesome. I loved her dearly.
To my Aunt Connie and Uncle Bill, and my mother and father: I am so sorry that you have lost one third of the 'traveling six-pack.' It was always so much fun to join you momentarily on your adventures. The Maloney family is a very special one, and your loyalty to one another is inspiring. Cherish each of those old memories; even while creating new ones.
With undying love and admiration,
Your Godson, Kenny
Your son, Kenny
To my cousins, Kim, Teddy, and Danny and all of your families:
I am so sorry that you have suffered the loss of both your mother and father in such a short time span. I relished every moment spent with your mom and dad, whether it was kibitzing over breakfast in Las Vegas, eating hotdogs in the backyard of your beautiful home in Clifton Park, or enjoying Spiaks pizza in Maplewood. I am comforted knowing your mom and dad's strength and resilience exists in abundance with each of you. God bless you all. I will pray for a swift reunion for your mom and dad.
I love you now, and always.
Your cousin,
Kenny
My aunt, Kathy (Maloney) Peltier passed away today. She was an incredible lady. She was also part of an incredible duo. My uncle, Ted Peltier, DBB (that's doctorate in ball-busting, for the uninitiated) was a demi-god to my generation. He was an old-school marine who could scare the shit out of you with one word or one withering stare - and he'd actually mean it about 3% of the time. He had actual tattoos - way before everybody got a tattoo. He was fit as a fiddle, and usually the coolest guy in the room. He may have been the greatest actor I have ever known. How many people could call their own family members - multiple times over decades - with different accents and sales pitches and tall tales and spiels of every kind, and not get caught once!??! Oh, he had the best needle, ever. He was deadly accurate and stone-cold in his delivery. Once he set the hook and reeled you in, his hearty laugh completed the tableau... I loved that man.
My aunt was - in a word - elegant. She seemed forever young and almost stylish. She was so loving and sincere and very interested in everything happening in your life. Many people ask the question, "What's new?" and so very few meant it. If she asked, she wanted to know. And that, God love her, usually meant a lengthy conversation :) I can spin a yarn on occasion, but my Aunt Kathy was a master conversationalist. Her smoking seemed to add to her 'cool factor' as well, honestly. She was a singer, a pianist, an accordion player(!), she was the pied piper calling everyone together around the piano for a sing-along. I can remember many occasions when we young-uns were supposed to be in bed, but we could still hear them singing and carrying on. Irish wakes are legendary for a reason! My Aunt Kathy was awesome. I loved her dearly.
To my Aunt Connie and Uncle Bill, and my mother and father: I am so sorry that you have lost one third of the 'traveling six-pack.' It was always so much fun to join you momentarily on your adventures. The Maloney family is a very special one, and your loyalty to one another is inspiring. Cherish each of those old memories; even while creating new ones.
With undying love and admiration,
Your Godson, Kenny
Your son, Kenny
To my cousins, Kim, Teddy, and Danny and all of your families:
I am so sorry that you have suffered the loss of both your mother and father in such a short time span. I relished every moment spent with your mom and dad, whether it was kibitzing over breakfast in Las Vegas, eating hotdogs in the backyard of your beautiful home in Clifton Park, or enjoying Spiaks pizza in Maplewood. I am comforted knowing your mom and dad's strength and resilience exists in abundance with each of you. God bless you all. I will pray for a swift reunion for your mom and dad.
I love you now, and always.
Your cousin,
Kenny
Sunday, February 9, 2014
I have to admit - and I couldn't pinpoint the genesis of this 'cranial preoccupation' - but, I've been wondering about my legacy of late. Perhaps it was all that talk about Peyton Manning heading into last week's Super Bowl? Or the wonderful ode that my friend, Jimmy Spear, penned for his late father? Maybe it's the wake-up call attendant to a cancer diagnosis?
Whatever the reason, it's an interesting exercise - examining your own life and decisions. Decisions. Oh, how easy it is to look back on myriad decisions with perfect hindsight. That is a harsh lens. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up too much over some of those decisions. I'd give anything to rescind some of them, but most were learning opportunities in the end.
Time and space...
There is no escaping time and space. Those first two paragraphs were written a good 4 or 5 hours and three mood swings ago. Ironic that I'd choose the adjective (please, let that be correct! - Mrs. Krause, help me out here, would ya?) 'good' to describe those 5 hours. It was meant in the colloquial sense of a 'good, strong' 4-5 hours, which translates to "It was at least five hours ago, but I can't commit to six..." Of course, that's easy for men - supposedly we can't commit to anything.
Okay, low blow.
My point is that those 5-6 hours between second and third paragraphs contain a certain number of important mind shifts. Let me recall them in somewhat chronological order...
Whatever the reason, it's an interesting exercise - examining your own life and decisions. Decisions. Oh, how easy it is to look back on myriad decisions with perfect hindsight. That is a harsh lens. I'm trying hard not to beat myself up too much over some of those decisions. I'd give anything to rescind some of them, but most were learning opportunities in the end.
Time and space...
There is no escaping time and space. Those first two paragraphs were written a good 4 or 5 hours and three mood swings ago. Ironic that I'd choose the adjective (please, let that be correct! - Mrs. Krause, help me out here, would ya?) 'good' to describe those 5 hours. It was meant in the colloquial sense of a 'good, strong' 4-5 hours, which translates to "It was at least five hours ago, but I can't commit to six..." Of course, that's easy for men - supposedly we can't commit to anything.
Okay, low blow.
My point is that those 5-6 hours between second and third paragraphs contain a certain number of important mind shifts. Let me recall them in somewhat chronological order...
- I watched the Syracuse Men's Basketball team beat a game Clemson squad at home. That was fun; I don't get to see too many Syracuse games.
- I went for a stout hike. I left empty-handed seeking to meet my daily goal of moving for at least 30 minutes. I returned the conqueror of not just 2 miles of loose desert terrain, but with memories of a different perspective on sunset - and also with a bundle of kindling wood, and a roll of chicken wire. No, I do not know as of this moment how I will use the wire, but I know something will come up... As for the kindling, I'm down to logs inappropriate for kindling, and need to make a trip to the nursery for firewood. In the interim, I did the most logical thing - I've been bringing home firewood from my hikes - small, quick starting stuff mostly, but today was a nice bundle of sticks (I've used the term 'bundle of sticks' when trying to educate kids, but never in this context..)
- I read a couple of chapters in my "Promoting Wellness" book. Good stuff. I am really energized that I've already made some of the lifestyle changes they recommend.
- I made a tofu stir-fry with vegetables for dinner. [Side note: I have had that tofu in my fridge since Tina was here at New Years. I was reluctant to tackle the stir-fry, and it came out okay - it needs more variety of vegetables and seasoning, but it was a good start. I will make it again for sure.]
- I watched about 30 minutes of news and then about 30 minutes of Olympic coverage. Too much 'packaging and fluff' in the Olympics for my taste these days. [OMG: I have turned into a curmudgeon - the old guy who begins every sentence, "Back in my day..." Crap. Great news, huh?]
- I spent some time discussing life and living with my friend, Kellan.
- I had a nice soak in the tub.
So, yes, my mind is in a decidedly different place now.
And I don't want to talk about legacy right now, thank you very much... No, I want to talk about empowerment and strength and separating what's right from wrong.
I'm trying to take my responsibility to myself seriously. I'm learning how to be more in charge of my own life, and it feels good. Will it help me fight cancer? Absolutely. Will it change my life in other ways, as well? You bet. I'm seeing some of those changes now, but I can't let my guard down. Good habits are a 24-7/365 operation. That doesn't mean I'm applying for sainthood - in fact, according to my book, I'm allowed 1-2 glasses of red wine per evening... My doctor, unfortunately, sees it another way and has proscribed alcohol... Hmmm... I may need to find some tie-breaking advice on that one.
While I am on this subject, I would like to say a few words of advice, regarding, well... advice.
- Do continue to approach me with news articles, ideas, research findings, best wishes, prayers, etc.
- Don't be insulted or hurt if I choose another option or direction from the one you espoused. Please understand, in the end I have to make the decision with which I am comfortable, and that means I've got to be doing my own research, too.
- Do ask me how I'm doing.
- Don't appear to be disinterested if I happen to tell you exactly how I'm doing at the moment in time, or how I'd felt for the past two weeks.... If you are disinterested, feign an important engagement and withdraw... Just know, if you are a friend of mine, and you ask, I will share. (Yes, you may all feign shock at this startling revelation...)
- Do maintain our routines.
- Don't get squeamish around me now. If we're friends, we are friends for a reason, and no topic is off the table.
- Do be direct.
- Don't be disrespectful about it, but let's not ignore the elephant...
As I'm writing these suggestions, I'm cognizant that I am writing these things not necessarily for myself and my friends, but as general advice for dealing with anyone who is going through a difficult time. Why? Because I write this blog so that it will be read, and it's important to me that it is. Why? (Geez, you're kinda pushy...) Because I hope that others will benefit from - or at least be amused by - my pithy observations and incredible insight (damn marketing people are always interjecting!) slightly skewed viewpoints on cancer and other matters of weighty importance; such as selecting just the right adverb...
So, please be good humans. You can help me by continuing to read this blog; and you can help a friend who might benefit from that idiosyncratic (#%&ing marketers!) enjoy a chuckle. Pass on the link to them along with your personal endorsement. And be specific about it! Saying, "Here is something you might want to check out when you get a minute..." is different than saying, "Dude (or Dudette)! This guy is nuts! Check out what he said about spearfishing in Spearfish, MT, with a spear and a fish!" Of course, I have never mentioned (to the best of my recollection, your honor) Spearfish, MT in my blog previously... The bottom line is you read this stuff for a reason, when you share, share! Share the link and the reason you are doing so... (Thank you, marketeers...)
For now, I'm tired, I've had a very good day, and tomorrow AM, I am headed to the mountains for a stout hike. Later, all.
Carpe Diem... (For the first time, I am learning just what that means for me - and to me.)
Tonight's closing belongs to me:
"I can do this. Not just cancer, but become a more evolved human being. It is within my ability to make it happen. No excuses."
That is all.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
I am a very, very, lucky man.
I got to ride my Harley today and it was good... Such a beautiful day, and I live in such a beautiful place... Woke up early and sat outside enjoying the sunrise. Ate a wonderful breakfast, including some peppered bacon. Probably a good thing I ate that this morning, because this evening I got down to business reading the book my doctor gave me regarding prostate health.
The book is "Promoting Wellness for Prostate Cancer Patients" by Dr. Mark A. Moyad. I read the first chapter, and the emphasis is clearly on the 'Wellness' part of the title right off the bat. I now know why my doctor has encouraged me to lose weight - even though I failed to see the connection initially regarding prostate cancer specifically...
I see it now. Overall health is part of the recipe for success in dealing with illness. In my case, decisions made regarding diet and exercise can translate not only into prostate health, but promote my overall well-being, too. I'd been saying for years that I needed to change my eating habits. Ironically, it took cancer to help me make that leap...
The book also talks about heart-healthy foods and eating, recommending the Mediterranean diet - essentially lots of meat substitutes and little red meat, plenty of fish and other lean meats. I've not really focused too much on what foods I'm eating as much as I'm trying to follow some simple guidelines:
1. Minimal processed foods
2. Juicing regularly
3. Avoid caffeine
4. Reduced alcohol consumption
5. Avoid junk food and fast food.
6. Try to eat organic as much as possible.
7. Maintain portion control
8. Savor each bite of what I do eat.
These are in no special order, but I'd place number 8 high on the importance scale. I find that going slow and really enjoying my food is the best way for me to treat food as delicious and healthy fuel - as opposed to something you shove in your pie-hole anytime you're hungry and craving something. One of my old Weight Watcher tips stays with me... Much of the time, when we think our body is telling us it's hungry, it is simply telling us it's are thirsty. So, start by having a glass of water and then see if it satisfies the urge. Good advice.
Speaking of advice, I've got to give a shout out to my 'team' - all my friends who have given me such excellent and heartfelt help, advice, and encouragement. I couldn't begin to tell you how much it helps.
Now I'm off to enjoy an exceptional night's sleep... (I hope)
Tonight's closing quote comes from Walt Whitman... I enjoy the Whitman quotes from "Dead Poets Society" and this one showed up in an unlikely place, but it really spoke to me:
"To its own impulse
every creature stirs.
Live by thy light,
and Earth will live by hers."
I really love this quote. It's own impulse... Live by thy light...
I have to remember this. Follow your own muse; live life in a way that is fulfilling to me.
I'm trying. I really am.
Be well all.
Carpe Diem...
I got to ride my Harley today and it was good... Such a beautiful day, and I live in such a beautiful place... Woke up early and sat outside enjoying the sunrise. Ate a wonderful breakfast, including some peppered bacon. Probably a good thing I ate that this morning, because this evening I got down to business reading the book my doctor gave me regarding prostate health.
The book is "Promoting Wellness for Prostate Cancer Patients" by Dr. Mark A. Moyad. I read the first chapter, and the emphasis is clearly on the 'Wellness' part of the title right off the bat. I now know why my doctor has encouraged me to lose weight - even though I failed to see the connection initially regarding prostate cancer specifically...
I see it now. Overall health is part of the recipe for success in dealing with illness. In my case, decisions made regarding diet and exercise can translate not only into prostate health, but promote my overall well-being, too. I'd been saying for years that I needed to change my eating habits. Ironically, it took cancer to help me make that leap...
The book also talks about heart-healthy foods and eating, recommending the Mediterranean diet - essentially lots of meat substitutes and little red meat, plenty of fish and other lean meats. I've not really focused too much on what foods I'm eating as much as I'm trying to follow some simple guidelines:
1. Minimal processed foods
2. Juicing regularly
3. Avoid caffeine
4. Reduced alcohol consumption
5. Avoid junk food and fast food.
6. Try to eat organic as much as possible.
7. Maintain portion control
8. Savor each bite of what I do eat.
These are in no special order, but I'd place number 8 high on the importance scale. I find that going slow and really enjoying my food is the best way for me to treat food as delicious and healthy fuel - as opposed to something you shove in your pie-hole anytime you're hungry and craving something. One of my old Weight Watcher tips stays with me... Much of the time, when we think our body is telling us it's hungry, it is simply telling us it's are thirsty. So, start by having a glass of water and then see if it satisfies the urge. Good advice.
Speaking of advice, I've got to give a shout out to my 'team' - all my friends who have given me such excellent and heartfelt help, advice, and encouragement. I couldn't begin to tell you how much it helps.
Now I'm off to enjoy an exceptional night's sleep... (I hope)
Tonight's closing quote comes from Walt Whitman... I enjoy the Whitman quotes from "Dead Poets Society" and this one showed up in an unlikely place, but it really spoke to me:
"To its own impulse
every creature stirs.
Live by thy light,
and Earth will live by hers."
I really love this quote. It's own impulse... Live by thy light...
I have to remember this. Follow your own muse; live life in a way that is fulfilling to me.
I'm trying. I really am.
Be well all.
Carpe Diem...
Thursday, February 6, 2014
I was talking with a friend tonight about his prostate surgery and told me that he returned to work within 4 weeks of his surgery. He reminded me of something that I should have said here some time ago...
Each of us is different.
This may seem patently obvious, but I felt compelled to say it, nonetheless.
I'm approaching and dealing with my cancer in my own way. My decisions are my own. You must make the choices that you feel are best for you.
This applies to every aspect of living. Your decisions are your own.
This blog is meant to entertain. To induce reflection. To invite comment. To spur action. And, on occasion, to inform. But, be your own advocate, your own researcher, your own dietitian, your own personal trainer.
Listen to that little voice inside you. Especially when it is giving you sound advice :)
Before I go tonight, I want to reiterate something. I am a very, very, lucky man. I love life and hope to enjoy it for a long time to come. I've had a good couple of days of late. I am learning to relish those good days when they present themselves...
Priority tonight is to get some rest. I'm learning that good sleep is almost synonymous with good days...
Good night, all.
Hold the phone. Sorry about that 'false close.'
I was actually sitting here, trying to access the important findings I had squirreled away in the recesses of my cranium. I was reading a message that I had exchanged with a former student - and cancer survivor - regarding the importance of a positive outlook. These words reminded me what I wanted to share with you: "I know words can't describe what you're going through..."
That was the essence of my observation...
I'm learning that words are failing me in trying to explain my emotions and feelings regarding cancer. Specifically, when I left my doctor's office on Tuesday, I felt strangely adrenalized. I've been trying to put my finger on exactly why. I think it's because I had a clear idea of which direction I was going with respect to treatment. That's the best I can do. Sorry. It is an odd sensation, though. So much so, that I couldn't go to sleep; it was even rumored that I posted in the blog shortly after midnight :)
So, yes, Jimmy, words really can't describe it...
But! I'll try it again tomorrow :)
No affirmation tonight, I'm afraid. The past two nights my bed was empty until well past 11:30. This nagging headache tells me it's time for sleep.
Good night.
Each of us is different.
This may seem patently obvious, but I felt compelled to say it, nonetheless.
I'm approaching and dealing with my cancer in my own way. My decisions are my own. You must make the choices that you feel are best for you.
This applies to every aspect of living. Your decisions are your own.
This blog is meant to entertain. To induce reflection. To invite comment. To spur action. And, on occasion, to inform. But, be your own advocate, your own researcher, your own dietitian, your own personal trainer.
Listen to that little voice inside you. Especially when it is giving you sound advice :)
Before I go tonight, I want to reiterate something. I am a very, very, lucky man. I love life and hope to enjoy it for a long time to come. I've had a good couple of days of late. I am learning to relish those good days when they present themselves...
Priority tonight is to get some rest. I'm learning that good sleep is almost synonymous with good days...
Good night, all.
Hold the phone. Sorry about that 'false close.'
I was actually sitting here, trying to access the important findings I had squirreled away in the recesses of my cranium. I was reading a message that I had exchanged with a former student - and cancer survivor - regarding the importance of a positive outlook. These words reminded me what I wanted to share with you: "I know words can't describe what you're going through..."
That was the essence of my observation...
I'm learning that words are failing me in trying to explain my emotions and feelings regarding cancer. Specifically, when I left my doctor's office on Tuesday, I felt strangely adrenalized. I've been trying to put my finger on exactly why. I think it's because I had a clear idea of which direction I was going with respect to treatment. That's the best I can do. Sorry. It is an odd sensation, though. So much so, that I couldn't go to sleep; it was even rumored that I posted in the blog shortly after midnight :)
So, yes, Jimmy, words really can't describe it...
But! I'll try it again tomorrow :)
No affirmation tonight, I'm afraid. The past two nights my bed was empty until well past 11:30. This nagging headache tells me it's time for sleep.
Good night.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Okay, I can't sleep tonight. So, sue me.
Anyway... I'm a mental midget when it comes to social networking... Does anyone have any ideas that might help me increase readership for the blog? I mean, this is good stuff, right? Well, not this particular post - or that sentence in particular, but - you know - generally. Right?
Wow - that was like fishing for compliments using toenails for bait. Not very effective.
Let's try this one more time:
If you have ideas about how to boost the readership of the blog; either with or without social media, hmu.
Okay, I've never typed 'hmu' before... I actually typed 'hum' first because that is an actual word...
So, Inbox me. (Again, a first, I believe, for me...) Inbox me? What about, "Send me a note"? Too vague?
Luddites everywhere - rise up!
Peace, out.
Anyway... I'm a mental midget when it comes to social networking... Does anyone have any ideas that might help me increase readership for the blog? I mean, this is good stuff, right? Well, not this particular post - or that sentence in particular, but - you know - generally. Right?
Wow - that was like fishing for compliments using toenails for bait. Not very effective.
Let's try this one more time:
If you have ideas about how to boost the readership of the blog; either with or without social media, hmu.
Okay, I've never typed 'hmu' before... I actually typed 'hum' first because that is an actual word...
So, Inbox me. (Again, a first, I believe, for me...) Inbox me? What about, "Send me a note"? Too vague?
Luddites everywhere - rise up!
Peace, out.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
This entire post is a transcript of a text I received tonight from a former student (I'm withholding their name until I have their permission to use it):
"You, Mr. P have been so inspirational to me. Way more than you would think. Knowing you for the past 4 years of my life has been the best 4 years ever. You give me the courage to push through things that are difficult, you give me the confidence to do things that I never thought I would be able to do, and the strength to take life's situations head on and not let them kick me in the ass. If it wasn't for you and meeting you 4 years ago, I don't think I would be where I am to this day. That senior year was the best ever. I learned so much from you and was able to trust someone and know that they cared for me. You inspired me to go to college because I was honestly thinking about not going because I didn't think it was for me. I admire your strength and commitment to people and to get through life's situations. You are a true inspiration to me, Mr. P. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a friend like you who supports me, cares about me, pushes me, and shows me it's okay to struggle and be depressed but it's about if you are going to let it control you or if you are going to fight through it and come out stronger. I have wanted to give up so many times but you have taught me to fight through it and that I will come out stronger in the end. I love you Mr. P."
Who wouldn't cry at receiving such a text? To be honest, most of the affirmations I've quoted here end with those words, I love you, Mr. P. Or, "We love you, Mr. P." I usually leave those out of the quotes, but I just couldn't this time...
I love you, too ___________ (insert student name here). I love all my students...
Good night.
"You, Mr. P have been so inspirational to me. Way more than you would think. Knowing you for the past 4 years of my life has been the best 4 years ever. You give me the courage to push through things that are difficult, you give me the confidence to do things that I never thought I would be able to do, and the strength to take life's situations head on and not let them kick me in the ass. If it wasn't for you and meeting you 4 years ago, I don't think I would be where I am to this day. That senior year was the best ever. I learned so much from you and was able to trust someone and know that they cared for me. You inspired me to go to college because I was honestly thinking about not going because I didn't think it was for me. I admire your strength and commitment to people and to get through life's situations. You are a true inspiration to me, Mr. P. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a friend like you who supports me, cares about me, pushes me, and shows me it's okay to struggle and be depressed but it's about if you are going to let it control you or if you are going to fight through it and come out stronger. I have wanted to give up so many times but you have taught me to fight through it and that I will come out stronger in the end. I love you Mr. P."
Who wouldn't cry at receiving such a text? To be honest, most of the affirmations I've quoted here end with those words, I love you, Mr. P. Or, "We love you, Mr. P." I usually leave those out of the quotes, but I just couldn't this time...
I love you, too ___________ (insert student name here). I love all my students...
Good night.
So, let's be honest. This blog may have started as a man searching for balance and a healthy mental outlook, but it has clearly morphed into a blog about cancer - specifically prostate cancer - and the tests, treatments, outcomes, decisions, prognoses, emotions, fears, etc. that accompany a diagnosis of prostate cancer. I suppose some of these questions, feelings, concerns, assumptions, etc. accompany any kind of cancer, but I can't suppose that because I haven't walked a mile in those shoes.
These, however, are the shoes I'm in right now. I'm a 55 year old male living in the seclusion of the California high desert, I have prostate cancer, I love my job, I hate working my second job, my retirement is far from secure, I'm single, I'm not sure I want to be single, I love my family, I hate having to rely on the kindness of strangers, I'm agood great guy! How about that? I list all these things and I end with "I'm a great guy!??! Hell, ya! I am a great guy. I'm funny, loyal, energetic, generous, kind, outgoing, smart, an excellent kisser, a good friend, and a great educator. (I'm not saying great teacher because my classroom management skills aren't the best, but I am passionate about helping my students; I can tell you that much. But a great teacher? Not so much...)
So, it's hard for me to write those words -"I'm a great guy." Why? Why is it so hard to say that I think I'm awesome? Why do I have to employ self-deprecating humor and false humility? Why? Is it my strict Irish Catholic upbringing? Is it that I detest braggarts, blow-hards, and insincerity in all forms?
Or is the problem deeper than that? Do I feel somehow unworthy of praise and exultation, adulation???
Of course, I know the answer to that question. I've never felt worthy of that kind of praise. It feels good, hell, it feels really good... But only on my most confident, self-assured days do I let myself think for even a moment that I am something special.
I remember one time at Kodak (Dean Smith, you could make a killing right now...), the CEO was visiting the department I managed, the Assembly Wet Lab for Ektachem 700 and 400 Blood Analyzers. I was to guide him and his entourage through the lab. While he was visiting, I called him by his first name and my boss was shocked - shocked, I say! How could anyone have the temerity to call this revered figure by his first name!??! I said to my boss, Harry, "I'm no better than anyone else; and no one else is any better than me..." It's been my mantra, I suppose, for many years.
So, do I feel 'justified' in jumping up and down (why, oh why, did I just get an image of Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch????) and saying "look at me! I'm great!" NO. HELL, NO. It's just not done that way....
Unfortunately, it's late, I'm tired, and I haven't had any kind of dinner yet... What does that mean for you? It means that I'll be wrapping this installment up shortly.
Before I do, however, some quick news from my doctor's visit today. I saw my Urologist, Dr. Wolfson, to get the results of my recent Nuclear Bone Scan. The good news is that the scan was pretty clean. There was one spot on my eighth posterior rib that I'm going to have to get checked out with x-rays to make sure it is not cancerous... My doc is fairly certain it is not, but an x-ray will confirm that. My doc thinks it's an old injury - this would not surprise me, since I've broken several ribs in the past - and bruised the remainder for good measure.
So, I'm thinking positive thoughts.
I promise I'll touch base with you tomorrow night, but it's late and I need to eat something. This is a good time for juicing :)
Tonight's final words go to Ethan.
"I appreciate how honest you are with your students and with me. You are the only person at this school I can really talk about Hockey with. This year would have been incomplete without you. It sucks that you are leaving, because I have a little brother who you could have taught. Stay up, Mr. P. Life is mysterious, and sometimes inexplicable, but in the end, those who work at it will get what they deserve. You deserve a lot. I see big things in your future."
Thank you, Ethan. The words I am going to latch onto are, "... those who work at it will get what they deserve."
It takes work. Whatever it is - it takes work.
Thanks for the reminder.
Be well, all.
Carpe Diem...
These, however, are the shoes I'm in right now. I'm a 55 year old male living in the seclusion of the California high desert, I have prostate cancer, I love my job, I hate working my second job, my retirement is far from secure, I'm single, I'm not sure I want to be single, I love my family, I hate having to rely on the kindness of strangers, I'm a
So, it's hard for me to write those words -"I'm a great guy." Why? Why is it so hard to say that I think I'm awesome? Why do I have to employ self-deprecating humor and false humility? Why? Is it my strict Irish Catholic upbringing? Is it that I detest braggarts, blow-hards, and insincerity in all forms?
Or is the problem deeper than that? Do I feel somehow unworthy of praise and exultation, adulation???
Of course, I know the answer to that question. I've never felt worthy of that kind of praise. It feels good, hell, it feels really good... But only on my most confident, self-assured days do I let myself think for even a moment that I am something special.
I remember one time at Kodak (Dean Smith, you could make a killing right now...), the CEO was visiting the department I managed, the Assembly Wet Lab for Ektachem 700 and 400 Blood Analyzers. I was to guide him and his entourage through the lab. While he was visiting, I called him by his first name and my boss was shocked - shocked, I say! How could anyone have the temerity to call this revered figure by his first name!??! I said to my boss, Harry, "I'm no better than anyone else; and no one else is any better than me..." It's been my mantra, I suppose, for many years.
So, do I feel 'justified' in jumping up and down (why, oh why, did I just get an image of Tom Cruise on Oprah's couch????) and saying "look at me! I'm great!" NO. HELL, NO. It's just not done that way....
Unfortunately, it's late, I'm tired, and I haven't had any kind of dinner yet... What does that mean for you? It means that I'll be wrapping this installment up shortly.
Before I do, however, some quick news from my doctor's visit today. I saw my Urologist, Dr. Wolfson, to get the results of my recent Nuclear Bone Scan. The good news is that the scan was pretty clean. There was one spot on my eighth posterior rib that I'm going to have to get checked out with x-rays to make sure it is not cancerous... My doc is fairly certain it is not, but an x-ray will confirm that. My doc thinks it's an old injury - this would not surprise me, since I've broken several ribs in the past - and bruised the remainder for good measure.
So, I'm thinking positive thoughts.
I promise I'll touch base with you tomorrow night, but it's late and I need to eat something. This is a good time for juicing :)
Tonight's final words go to Ethan.
"I appreciate how honest you are with your students and with me. You are the only person at this school I can really talk about Hockey with. This year would have been incomplete without you. It sucks that you are leaving, because I have a little brother who you could have taught. Stay up, Mr. P. Life is mysterious, and sometimes inexplicable, but in the end, those who work at it will get what they deserve. You deserve a lot. I see big things in your future."
Thank you, Ethan. The words I am going to latch onto are, "... those who work at it will get what they deserve."
It takes work. Whatever it is - it takes work.
Thanks for the reminder.
Be well, all.
Carpe Diem...
Monday, February 3, 2014
Dear readers: I was remiss in my last post for not mentioning something really important: I really missed blogging yesterday. That's good for me to know. I've got to figure out a better way of posting from the road - especially before I head out this summer to Idaho, Montana, North, and South Dakota. After that loop, the only state I'll have left on my bucket list is Alaska. Someday...
How about short entry, short affirmation?
"You have shown me that you are not only a strong man, but a strong father, friend, professor, and person. Know and believe that. You diagnosis will NOT get the best of you."
Thank you, Shaala. This is such high praise coming from one of the strongest people I know. Your support continues to lift me up...
Humbly,
Goodnight.
How about short entry, short affirmation?
"You have shown me that you are not only a strong man, but a strong father, friend, professor, and person. Know and believe that. You diagnosis will NOT get the best of you."
Thank you, Shaala. This is such high praise coming from one of the strongest people I know. Your support continues to lift me up...
Humbly,
Goodnight.
Today went by quickly. I suppose that was a good thing. Tomorrow, I get the results from my Nuclear Bone Scan. As I shared previously, my doc says that only 2 percent of these show any problem. Of course, that doesn't prevent the nascent hypochondriac from conjuring up unaccounted for aches and pains too numerous to enumerate here by number (or letter, symbol, hieroglyphics, etc.) - I'm sure you get the point by now. It's - let's just say unnerving - to know that any verdict received tomorrow is life-altering, although one road would be decidedly more perilous than the other.
Found in the early stages (like mine), the prognosis for prostate cancer sufferers is excellent. The cancer is slow-growing, and generally contained within the organ itself.
On the other hand, the presence of any metastases is unwelcome news. This involves a whole 'nother treatment protocol that I'm not even prepared to research at this point. Call me a linear thinker if you will, but my brain just seems to work best when I connect one dot to the next one, and don't try to get too fancy in the process.
I really wasn't nervous about the cancer diagnosis - as I mentioned previously - but this decision has my attention. Back when I was wrestling in high school, I (what? what was that you said? weight class? what do you mean, what weight class?) As I was saying, when I was (what? you really want to know? you just want to point at me and laugh? okay. 126 pounds junior year; 132 senior year. In fact, I have my senior year weight loss schedule in my possession - it's written on my creative writing folder from high school. Yes, I still have my creative writing folder, and yes, it has poetry in it - in fact, [stay tuned, nostalgia buffs!] I have some mimeographed copies... If you know what I am talking about, you are sniffing the air right now... You can never - ever - forget the smell of a mimeograph...)
Holy segue, Batman - what a detour! Sorry, boy wonder...
What I'm trying so hard not to say is that I'm waiting on the referee's decision. Which way does my future go tomorrow? I'm thinking positively - and, by the way - thank you to all of you who continue to send prayers, best wishes, kind thoughts, and positive energy my way. I feel ALL OF IT. Thank you so very, very much.
I hope you'll keep reading the, and comment here or on my facebook page... (Ken Petronis)
Be well!
Tonight's inspirational message comes from my friend Imani:
"Honestly you were the most humble, most fun, sweetest, most fun teacher EVER. I love the way you live your life with sooo much free will. You're not afraid to surpass limits and break the rules. I'll miss you sooooooooooooooooooooo much. You are an amazing individual, and don't you forget it! Thank you for all you have done for me, Mr. P."
Again, I have to tell you, I just pick these messages at random, and Imani, did I ever need to hear that tonight - I've (I want to say always, but I can't) generally liked myself and who I am, but I've had more than my moments of doubt. Messages like yours remind me that what I do is important and worthwhile, and that I AM a good person. You mentioned humble, so I can't claim to be an 'amazing individual,' but it is still nice to hear it, especially from someone so aware and tuned in.
In closing, however, I feel compelled to point out that you mentioned 'fun' twice. That's the good stuff, right there.
Good night all.
Carpe diem...
Found in the early stages (like mine), the prognosis for prostate cancer sufferers is excellent. The cancer is slow-growing, and generally contained within the organ itself.
On the other hand, the presence of any metastases is unwelcome news. This involves a whole 'nother treatment protocol that I'm not even prepared to research at this point. Call me a linear thinker if you will, but my brain just seems to work best when I connect one dot to the next one, and don't try to get too fancy in the process.
I really wasn't nervous about the cancer diagnosis - as I mentioned previously - but this decision has my attention. Back when I was wrestling in high school, I (what? what was that you said? weight class? what do you mean, what weight class?) As I was saying, when I was (what? you really want to know? you just want to point at me and laugh? okay. 126 pounds junior year; 132 senior year. In fact, I have my senior year weight loss schedule in my possession - it's written on my creative writing folder from high school. Yes, I still have my creative writing folder, and yes, it has poetry in it - in fact, [stay tuned, nostalgia buffs!] I have some mimeographed copies... If you know what I am talking about, you are sniffing the air right now... You can never - ever - forget the smell of a mimeograph...)
Holy segue, Batman - what a detour! Sorry, boy wonder...
What I'm trying so hard not to say is that I'm waiting on the referee's decision. Which way does my future go tomorrow? I'm thinking positively - and, by the way - thank you to all of you who continue to send prayers, best wishes, kind thoughts, and positive energy my way. I feel ALL OF IT. Thank you so very, very much.
I hope you'll keep reading the, and comment here or on my facebook page... (Ken Petronis)
Be well!
Tonight's inspirational message comes from my friend Imani:
"Honestly you were the most humble, most fun, sweetest, most fun teacher EVER. I love the way you live your life with sooo much free will. You're not afraid to surpass limits and break the rules. I'll miss you sooooooooooooooooooooo much. You are an amazing individual, and don't you forget it! Thank you for all you have done for me, Mr. P."
Again, I have to tell you, I just pick these messages at random, and Imani, did I ever need to hear that tonight - I've (I want to say always, but I can't) generally liked myself and who I am, but I've had more than my moments of doubt. Messages like yours remind me that what I do is important and worthwhile, and that I AM a good person. You mentioned humble, so I can't claim to be an 'amazing individual,' but it is still nice to hear it, especially from someone so aware and tuned in.
In closing, however, I feel compelled to point out that you mentioned 'fun' twice. That's the good stuff, right there.
Good night all.
Carpe diem...
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Good morning, all. Well, I'm declaring the great experiment "Operation Med Dump" an official failure! My blood pressure reading last night before bed was 131/74, but it took me a few minutes of sustained breathing/relaxation to get that reading after 3 higher ones. Similar story this morning; BP was 142/86 after three tries. So, back on the meds. I'm going to go take them now.
Done.
I'll keep you posted on the BP readings. I also get to weigh myself tomorrow at Tina's to see how much weight I've lost. Very curious. Very curious, indeed. (It may sound odd that I'm excited to check my weight at Tina's, but that's my standard scale and I've used it a dozen times or more, so I know I'm getting a consistent read...) My statistics students will know that there is no validity without reliability.
So, in 30 minutes - give or take - I'll be rolling out of My Little House in the Desert to head down the hill. But first, a stop at work to do some - you guessed it - paperwork!
Now that I've turned my attention away from obsessing about my blood pressure, I can focus my energy and attention on other matters...
I'm hearing from many of you in different forums. That's great!!! Don't get my wrong, I love it, but I'd like to see more posts here on the blog. It sounds from the feedback I'm getting that people are still having a difficult time doing that, even though I changed settings for comments. Okay, that is something I will look into next week. It is going on the to-do list right now. Part of my new daily routine is creating and tackling to-do lists. What works best for me is specific, small tasks. For instance, 'clean the living room' might be best listed: Put away CDs and jewel cases, organize photos, clear off the top of the file cabinet. Well, you get the picture.
So, I see today as a transition day; a working day if you will. Working on myself that is. A person cannot exist in the euphoria of Thursday nor in the doldrums of Friday. A person (okay, me - I!) need to learn how to stay more consistent - consistently positive would be nice, but let's be realistic. Hopefully it will be a bounce-back kind of day. And I do have a date at 4:30, so that's cool, too.
So, I'll end this session with you now. I know it's not earth-shattering or gut-wrenching (nor vomit-inducing, I hope), but it is what it is. A few average comments from an average man starting out on an average day... What???? Why did I write that like that??? That sounds damn depressing - I don't want to be average! I don't want to have an average day! I want to be awesome and I want my day to be awesome, too!
So, I don't know. Consistent is good. But consistently great is better... I'm going to ponder on that one for a while. Let's let Leigh have the last word this morning since I cut her off last night...
"One of the things you said in your graduation speech is to always be true to yourself and I really think you demonstrate just that. You are not afraid to be silly, laugh with yourself or at yourself or share your stories - you are one of a kind, Mr. P! ... I know whatever you do it will be whole-heartedly because that's the type of person you are! Thank you so much for your endless compassion this year..."
Thank you, Leigh. More tears for Mr. P this morning.
As Phil Porter once said to me in 10th grade, "Off to the showers!!!' I mean, seriously, how many people get kicked out of a baseball game before it even starts?
Be well.
Carpe Diem. I hope to get in a post or two from the road this weekend...
Done.
I'll keep you posted on the BP readings. I also get to weigh myself tomorrow at Tina's to see how much weight I've lost. Very curious. Very curious, indeed. (It may sound odd that I'm excited to check my weight at Tina's, but that's my standard scale and I've used it a dozen times or more, so I know I'm getting a consistent read...) My statistics students will know that there is no validity without reliability.
So, in 30 minutes - give or take - I'll be rolling out of My Little House in the Desert to head down the hill. But first, a stop at work to do some - you guessed it - paperwork!
Now that I've turned my attention away from obsessing about my blood pressure, I can focus my energy and attention on other matters...
I'm hearing from many of you in different forums. That's great!!! Don't get my wrong, I love it, but I'd like to see more posts here on the blog. It sounds from the feedback I'm getting that people are still having a difficult time doing that, even though I changed settings for comments. Okay, that is something I will look into next week. It is going on the to-do list right now. Part of my new daily routine is creating and tackling to-do lists. What works best for me is specific, small tasks. For instance, 'clean the living room' might be best listed: Put away CDs and jewel cases, organize photos, clear off the top of the file cabinet. Well, you get the picture.
So, I see today as a transition day; a working day if you will. Working on myself that is. A person cannot exist in the euphoria of Thursday nor in the doldrums of Friday. A person (okay, me - I!) need to learn how to stay more consistent - consistently positive would be nice, but let's be realistic. Hopefully it will be a bounce-back kind of day. And I do have a date at 4:30, so that's cool, too.
So, I'll end this session with you now. I know it's not earth-shattering or gut-wrenching (nor vomit-inducing, I hope), but it is what it is. A few average comments from an average man starting out on an average day... What???? Why did I write that like that??? That sounds damn depressing - I don't want to be average! I don't want to have an average day! I want to be awesome and I want my day to be awesome, too!
So, I don't know. Consistent is good. But consistently great is better... I'm going to ponder on that one for a while. Let's let Leigh have the last word this morning since I cut her off last night...
"One of the things you said in your graduation speech is to always be true to yourself and I really think you demonstrate just that. You are not afraid to be silly, laugh with yourself or at yourself or share your stories - you are one of a kind, Mr. P! ... I know whatever you do it will be whole-heartedly because that's the type of person you are! Thank you so much for your endless compassion this year..."
Thank you, Leigh. More tears for Mr. P this morning.
As Phil Porter once said to me in 10th grade, "Off to the showers!!!' I mean, seriously, how many people get kicked out of a baseball game before it even starts?
Be well.
Carpe Diem. I hope to get in a post or two from the road this weekend...
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