Hi, everyone. It's been a while, so this feels a little - I don't know - awkward?? Why, you ask? Well. I don't know how to put it into words - and I suppose that's what makes it a little awkward.
A few theories regarding my recent malaise:
1. Unplug technology
2. Didn't 'need' it
3. Obsess much?
4. I'm on vacation
5. I had nothing to say...
Now, let's tackle theorem #5 first:
As a blogger, or someone with designs on writing regularly, the biggest fear we face (IMHO) is that we will run out of things to say. (The second fear is that no one will read one word of it - not even our self-ordained masterpiece!) I suppose this means that having an audience - heck, having a conversation with anyone - takes effort and attention if it is to be done properly.... I suppose I could have posted daily travelogues in 5 minute cell-phone dispatches, but that format doesn't seem to suit my writing style. So, no, I didn't. I supposed I'd write ravenously as soon as I espied my 'home' keyboard, but, no I didn't. I supposed that after I'd rested up a day, meditated, reflected, hiked, did my taxes, submitted college grades, etc. that I'd be chomping at the bit to share something with you. Something of substance... Um, no?
So, let's hope it's not number 5.
Let's segue to nombre trois... I was getting to the point where every post became a sort of wrestling match in my own head - ideas were fighting other ideas, stories were trumping each other, every word was trying to be, well - the last word... I've been complimented often for choosing 'just the right word' but it does take time. On any given day, if I knew I wouldn't be home to blog, I fretted about perhaps squeezing one in at UOP or trying to bang out a quick one over breakfast...
No, I just can't write these posts in a 'confined space' like that... Holy crap - I'm a hippie! Confined space, indeed! I was just sitting under a canopy of stars that would make Cleopatra blush... (Hippie!)
This leads me directly without further ado right immediately and without passing go and collecting 200 dollars back to Numero Uno... Okay, maybe not so directly, but c'mon, people, I mean, I'm not trying to talk myself out of a blog audience, I'm just kinda sorta saying that I think I might need to really unplug for a while. I have found myself obsessing over Facebook posts, updating statuses, checking in, saying Happy Birthday, or sharing some deep or pithy memes (or perhaps the ubiquitous cat video).
No, I am really sensing it's time to retrench, to reclaim my own life.
That leaves my two more likely candidates - after all, as my friend the Duker would say, "I'm on vacation!" Sorry, that's a Petronis family inside joke... I am enjoying the slower pace of my vacation; although I did enjoy the 5 days on the road, too. Along with that enjoyment and relaxation, I didn't do a whole lot of deep thinking. Not consciously, at least... No deep thinking equals not much to say in blog - returning us, I suppose back to number 5 once again.
Sigh... Oh, well.
I want to give a special shout-out to all my friends who shared their time and energy with me last week: Charlene, my Monday night stats class, 'Little Davy' Lagerson, Shelly King, Big Jim Hertel, the Party Oak in Santiago Canyon, Tom and Dee Hemingway, Dawn Smith, Shaala Brown, Lily, Tina Ustation, Isa Mercado, Julian Bueno, Emily Belaguer, Oscar at CBTL, and countless friends from Santa Monica High School (Veronica, Coach Hecht, Berkely Blatz, John Harris, Stephanie Dew, Lois Thrower, Nate Hodges, Dana Bart-Bell, Ms. Bates, Ms. Springer, Karen the copier queen, etc... Excluding my Monday night stats class, I probably saw - and hugged - over two dozen of the finest people in the world last week. [P.S. The list is in chronological order as best as I can remember...]
How lucky am I?
Here's a few words from Mariah:
"Aye Yo P!
It's been so great having you as a teacher this year. You caught me on my last year and I'm so glad you did. I can honestly say that I looked forward to your class every day. You're the super homie and you did a really good job your first year. I'm definitely looking forward to visiting you next year. (Keep in mind that I'm not going to visit a lot my teachers, probably only like 5 out of all 4 years, so that means you're cool :)
<3 U Bunches"
It's cool being 'cool'.
Good night, friends.
Carpe Diem.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Monday, March 17, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
One of my best days in forever! Hyperbole much? Well, let's review; I:
1. Talked to my mom and dad. Not like, "Hi, mom, I'm busy right now, can I call you back in 10 minutes?" Sure, honey. And.... of course, you forget because you are tied up with some other minutiae. I got a chance to really TALK to my mom and dad tonight. In fact, I even had to give my mom a 'yellow card' because I could hear her in the background tying to get a couple more smoke signals through from NY to CA. She's a pip! I told her tonight how proud I was that she still goes to Curves twice a week, even though her workout partner, confidante, traveling companion, best friend and sister passed away a couple of weeks ago. I know I am going to live to be a hundred. There is not an ounce of doubt in my mind about that now. Again, thank you, cancer...
No, this conversation was real, with depth, energy, and communication. I emphasize that last part because, at times, we go through the motions of these conversations. I mean, I can easily remember times when my mom would call me an amount which may have seemed, I don't know, excessive, but then again, I'm certain my kids feel the same way. No, I'll try so very hard not to take those phone calls for granted, mom. You are the absolute best, Rose Petronis.
Many phone calls home are punctuated by a quick 'hey dad' relayed through my mom. Fathers and sons don't 'talk' as often, but we don't have to. We just know that things are good - or at the very least that things are tolerable. Hey, it ain't always pretty, but we always know who is going to emerge at the end...
But moms, moms need constant reassurance. Are you sure you're okay? [This inquiry is sometimes delivered with no other identifying information as to why I might not be okay... At other times, the plea is a tad more direct, "I'm worried you're doing too much..." or "I'm worried that you're not getting enough..." or "O wish you wouldn't ride that motorcycle..." or... You get the picture.
My dad and I - unless it's talking about sports quickly - usually get right to the heart of the matter. Tonight, we talked about diet, weight loss, the overall health impact of losing weight, the stress on the body, etc. Sorry if I sound like a zealot. I'm not hear to preach. I just know how I feel and how much of that is attributable to eating better.
So, it sounded like my dad has decided against knee replacement on his other knee, and is adopting a healthier lifestyle.
Very cool.
I love you very much, mom and dad. Be well.
So, in retrospect, all the other cool shiznet that happened to me today? Yeah, no. They don't make the list with "TALKED ON THE PHONE WITH MY MOM AND DAD."
Peace, out!
Tonight, someone who is not only a student and a friend, but a future educator as well. Sylvana, this one's all you, kid:
"P-dawg! (yes, I just went there)
Well... what can I say? You've been such a fantastic person year-round, and I really appreciate how kind and sympathetic you've been to me. I really hope good luck stays with you, and that things will turn out well!!!
P.S. EXCREMENT!"
Sylvana, yes, things turned out quite well. I am one very happy camper.
This happy camper is about to reward himself with "Office Space" That's my stapler... Yeah, you're gonna have to come in on Saturday... Yeah...
Later, folks!
Now get out there and Carpe that Diem!!!!
Much, much, much love...
1. Talked to my mom and dad. Not like, "Hi, mom, I'm busy right now, can I call you back in 10 minutes?" Sure, honey. And.... of course, you forget because you are tied up with some other minutiae. I got a chance to really TALK to my mom and dad tonight. In fact, I even had to give my mom a 'yellow card' because I could hear her in the background tying to get a couple more smoke signals through from NY to CA. She's a pip! I told her tonight how proud I was that she still goes to Curves twice a week, even though her workout partner, confidante, traveling companion, best friend and sister passed away a couple of weeks ago. I know I am going to live to be a hundred. There is not an ounce of doubt in my mind about that now. Again, thank you, cancer...
No, this conversation was real, with depth, energy, and communication. I emphasize that last part because, at times, we go through the motions of these conversations. I mean, I can easily remember times when my mom would call me an amount which may have seemed, I don't know, excessive, but then again, I'm certain my kids feel the same way. No, I'll try so very hard not to take those phone calls for granted, mom. You are the absolute best, Rose Petronis.
Many phone calls home are punctuated by a quick 'hey dad' relayed through my mom. Fathers and sons don't 'talk' as often, but we don't have to. We just know that things are good - or at the very least that things are tolerable. Hey, it ain't always pretty, but we always know who is going to emerge at the end...
But moms, moms need constant reassurance. Are you sure you're okay? [This inquiry is sometimes delivered with no other identifying information as to why I might not be okay... At other times, the plea is a tad more direct, "I'm worried you're doing too much..." or "I'm worried that you're not getting enough..." or "O wish you wouldn't ride that motorcycle..." or... You get the picture.
My dad and I - unless it's talking about sports quickly - usually get right to the heart of the matter. Tonight, we talked about diet, weight loss, the overall health impact of losing weight, the stress on the body, etc. Sorry if I sound like a zealot. I'm not hear to preach. I just know how I feel and how much of that is attributable to eating better.
So, it sounded like my dad has decided against knee replacement on his other knee, and is adopting a healthier lifestyle.
Very cool.
I love you very much, mom and dad. Be well.
So, in retrospect, all the other cool shiznet that happened to me today? Yeah, no. They don't make the list with "TALKED ON THE PHONE WITH MY MOM AND DAD."
Peace, out!
Tonight, someone who is not only a student and a friend, but a future educator as well. Sylvana, this one's all you, kid:
"P-dawg! (yes, I just went there)
Well... what can I say? You've been such a fantastic person year-round, and I really appreciate how kind and sympathetic you've been to me. I really hope good luck stays with you, and that things will turn out well!!!
P.S. EXCREMENT!"
Sylvana, yes, things turned out quite well. I am one very happy camper.
This happy camper is about to reward himself with "Office Space" That's my stapler... Yeah, you're gonna have to come in on Saturday... Yeah...
Later, folks!
Now get out there and Carpe that Diem!!!!
Much, much, much love...
Thursday, March 13, 2014
It's an interesting evening over here at Chez Petronis... For the first time in a long time, I did not obsess about whether I'd get a chance to blog, or if I'd lose readers if I zoned out for a night... No, I just took care of business, quite honestly.
Okay, now I have to explain. I had a very productive day at work today - for many reasons. I'm hitting my spring break with just the right mindset, I think. So, when I got home after work today, I weighed my options carefully. I really wanted to walk out to the mailbox and it looked like it may rain, and it would be so cool to get caught out on a short hike in a rainstorm (would have been the second time this year for me...). But, I was determined to do some house work. I have been whipping my place into shape. In fact, I am going to make up a new phrase - deep shape. What the heck does that mean? Well, it means that my normal method of cleaning house is to round up a bunch of loose odds and ends and then stuff them in a sack. Next, find an out of the way place to hide the sack, and... voila! Clutter gone! Only until the next time you start moving stuff around and you find that 'sack'. And inevitably, within said sack, the mortgage papers you spent an hour looking for, the remote control, and the cell phone charger...
Nope. That kind of "Ken Clean" would not do for this renewal. Every drawer in the dresser was emptied and restocked. All the boxes were consolidated. Bike gear got put in the bike bag. "Winter" clothes got put into a storage bin. In short, this is the real deal. No stuffing pizza boxes under the arm chair. No rounding up all of the loose CDs and putting them into overlapping newspaper since the jewel cases seem to have run off and jumped over the moon with my missing socks!!!
I'm very happy that I am taking this on, and I know that this energy boost can be attributed directly to three things: 1. I've said it before, I'll say it again - cancer has reawakened me and forced me to look at my life through a different lens. I didn't really like the life I was leading, but we can always change. Always. 2 and 3 are direct descendants of 1... I have more energy because I'm eating better. And I choose to be happy. I know those words are easy to type, but I believe them - and I hope my actions show them.
Ding. Okay, sorry folks. A bell just went off in my head. I'm reminded of the affirmations I share with you night after night. In the majority, my students state that I was almost always smiling. I was almost always smiling... Wow. I had no idea. I'm serious. I mean, c'mon, I've shared some dark moments - some very low moments - with you... Is it possible to 'stuff'' all of that and still be (of should I say 'appear') happy? I guess it is, if my students' lasting impression is that of a supportive, caring, and positive teacher; I'll take that 11 times out of 10 as my buddy, Dean Smith, would say. No, not that Dean Smith...
So, while I'm on a roll, I'm going to throw it out there: Legacy. If my legacy as a teacher even approaches those three words (supportive, caring, positive), then I will have made a difference. I'm sorry. I have to wallow in these words for a moment. I will have made a difference. I will have made a difference. I will have made a difference. I. Will. Have. Made. A. Difference.
Oh, my. What better emotion could any human being ever experience? To help your fellow man? To leave him better than when you found him? That is absolutely priceless.
Again, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm belaboring this point, but - seriously - this is not the way I normally think... I am usually too busy trying put one foot in front of the other, plodding tirelessly from point A to point B to stop and think of the big picture.
I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to help people. I know that this feeling can sustain me for another 10 years in the classroom. It's going to be fun!
Okay, it's late, and my computer just rebooted - thankfully I have the blog set up to auto-save... Anyway, it's time...
Callie sends this edition to the presses:
"P-dawg -
You are the kindest, most understanding teacher I've ever had. I really love how I've felt comfortable sharing my life stories with you. Thank you for being such an awesome listener and an amazing teacher. Don't let anything get you down, because as you can see, we all LOVE you and wish you were coming back next year. Have an amazing, fun trip this summer/year and stay safe :) We're going to miss you."
Words to help me sleep soundly. Good night everyone. Thank you for sharing in my joy.
Carpe Diem.
Okay, now I have to explain. I had a very productive day at work today - for many reasons. I'm hitting my spring break with just the right mindset, I think. So, when I got home after work today, I weighed my options carefully. I really wanted to walk out to the mailbox and it looked like it may rain, and it would be so cool to get caught out on a short hike in a rainstorm (would have been the second time this year for me...). But, I was determined to do some house work. I have been whipping my place into shape. In fact, I am going to make up a new phrase - deep shape. What the heck does that mean? Well, it means that my normal method of cleaning house is to round up a bunch of loose odds and ends and then stuff them in a sack. Next, find an out of the way place to hide the sack, and... voila! Clutter gone! Only until the next time you start moving stuff around and you find that 'sack'. And inevitably, within said sack, the mortgage papers you spent an hour looking for, the remote control, and the cell phone charger...
Nope. That kind of "Ken Clean" would not do for this renewal. Every drawer in the dresser was emptied and restocked. All the boxes were consolidated. Bike gear got put in the bike bag. "Winter" clothes got put into a storage bin. In short, this is the real deal. No stuffing pizza boxes under the arm chair. No rounding up all of the loose CDs and putting them into overlapping newspaper since the jewel cases seem to have run off and jumped over the moon with my missing socks!!!
I'm very happy that I am taking this on, and I know that this energy boost can be attributed directly to three things: 1. I've said it before, I'll say it again - cancer has reawakened me and forced me to look at my life through a different lens. I didn't really like the life I was leading, but we can always change. Always. 2 and 3 are direct descendants of 1... I have more energy because I'm eating better. And I choose to be happy. I know those words are easy to type, but I believe them - and I hope my actions show them.
Ding. Okay, sorry folks. A bell just went off in my head. I'm reminded of the affirmations I share with you night after night. In the majority, my students state that I was almost always smiling. I was almost always smiling... Wow. I had no idea. I'm serious. I mean, c'mon, I've shared some dark moments - some very low moments - with you... Is it possible to 'stuff'' all of that and still be (of should I say 'appear') happy? I guess it is, if my students' lasting impression is that of a supportive, caring, and positive teacher; I'll take that 11 times out of 10 as my buddy, Dean Smith, would say. No, not that Dean Smith...
So, while I'm on a roll, I'm going to throw it out there: Legacy. If my legacy as a teacher even approaches those three words (supportive, caring, positive), then I will have made a difference. I'm sorry. I have to wallow in these words for a moment. I will have made a difference. I will have made a difference. I will have made a difference. I. Will. Have. Made. A. Difference.
Oh, my. What better emotion could any human being ever experience? To help your fellow man? To leave him better than when you found him? That is absolutely priceless.
Again, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm belaboring this point, but - seriously - this is not the way I normally think... I am usually too busy trying put one foot in front of the other, plodding tirelessly from point A to point B to stop and think of the big picture.
I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to help people. I know that this feeling can sustain me for another 10 years in the classroom. It's going to be fun!
Okay, it's late, and my computer just rebooted - thankfully I have the blog set up to auto-save... Anyway, it's time...
Callie sends this edition to the presses:
"P-dawg -
You are the kindest, most understanding teacher I've ever had. I really love how I've felt comfortable sharing my life stories with you. Thank you for being such an awesome listener and an amazing teacher. Don't let anything get you down, because as you can see, we all LOVE you and wish you were coming back next year. Have an amazing, fun trip this summer/year and stay safe :) We're going to miss you."
Words to help me sleep soundly. Good night everyone. Thank you for sharing in my joy.
Carpe Diem.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Alright, it's time to get back to business! I just got back from getting the mail, and the walk did me a world of good. I always enjoy retrieving my mail by foot, and today the payoff was worth the trek: my HOG magazine, and a Netflix envelope (Oh, Office Space!). Oh, I forgot, I was getting OFFICE SPACE! Oh, I can't wait to watch that bad boy!
It's impossible to be in a bad mood after watching that movie :) While I'm on the subject of moods, I have to admit my last few posts have been riddled with timid, tepid, tales. I am sure that new readers are looking at the past few efforts saying, "What the heck is this? I spent 10 minutes reading this drivel?" I'm afraid so, I mean - not all of Picasso's paintings were Picasso's. Well, technically, they were, but you know what I mean, right? Speaking of/to new readers: You may have to read a few more posts to understand the allure of a trip the mailbox. Just sayin.
So, the walk was an excellent opportunity to do a little reflecting, and the result was unambiguous. I know this doesn't sound earth-shattering in the great big scheme of things, but it represents a significant departure in my own personal philosophy, vis-a-viz the blog. Geez, it sounds like a need a drum roll up in here, or something... Okay, okay, without further ado...
I've decided that now is the time for me to read the blog.
Hey, I told you it wasn't earth-shattering! Cut me some slack...
Of course, this 'startling revelation' begs the question: Why haven't you read it up until now?
Well, since you asked... I am not sure. Here are a few theories:
1. I can be hard on myself sometimes. (Duh) Perhaps I worried that re-reading would lead to second-guessing or Monday morning quarterbacking... I know that when I read it I'm going to cringe occasionally wishing I'd chosen a different word, or analogy, or allegory, or... Whatever. I know that I'll see errors in punctuation and spelling, and grammar. Oh, well. I'm sure I'll read whiny-ass posts that make me want to puke or yell out, "Just grow a pair!" So be it.
2. I know I'm going to read something and say, "Oh, crap. I introduced something here and never finished the thread..." I fancy myself a storyteller, and storytellers don't 'weave and leave' (Naader - I made that one up on the fly!). No, it's the absolute nadir of 'being a tease' for an author to start spinning a yarn - and then not finish it! How unsatisfying! How lame! No cigarettes here, please, none of us are satisfied... So, why didn't I just add this to list number 1 above? Because the above issues will not compel me to print corrections - yes, I will cringe, yes, I will wince, but, no, I don't think the above issues will send me screaming to a re-write... Finding loose ends will make mecrazy crazier! I will feel compelled to retell stories and tie up loose ends and explain lapses ad nauseum... Or not. I will just have to wince and squirm and laugh my way through those errors. (Unless, of course, it's something really important. And, I know that on at least once I've left myself a list of topics to address, so...). Time to suck it up, buttercup.
3. I might be bored to death. Naaaah. What was I thinking? I'm gonna laugh my ass off.
I can't see what I'm going to learn from the 'me' of 18 months ago.
This should be good.
Tonight, let's close with some thoughts from Jessica.
"Mr. P!!!
You have been such a GREAT teacher. I was lucky to have you as a teacher for two years. You have a very fun personality and always seem to have a smile on your face. You have been a great help, and I can honestly say that you have been the best teacher I've had in high school. I have so much to say that I can go on and on, but to keep it short, I wish you nothing but the best, try to keep in touch... Good luck with everything. Thanks for all you've done."
Thanks, Jessica - you were a great TA, too :)
Be well, everyone. Lots to do before I turn in tonight! See you again soon.
Carpe Diem!
It's impossible to be in a bad mood after watching that movie :) While I'm on the subject of moods, I have to admit my last few posts have been riddled with timid, tepid, tales. I am sure that new readers are looking at the past few efforts saying, "What the heck is this? I spent 10 minutes reading this drivel?" I'm afraid so, I mean - not all of Picasso's paintings were Picasso's. Well, technically, they were, but you know what I mean, right? Speaking of/to new readers: You may have to read a few more posts to understand the allure of a trip the mailbox. Just sayin.
So, the walk was an excellent opportunity to do a little reflecting, and the result was unambiguous. I know this doesn't sound earth-shattering in the great big scheme of things, but it represents a significant departure in my own personal philosophy, vis-a-viz the blog. Geez, it sounds like a need a drum roll up in here, or something... Okay, okay, without further ado...
I've decided that now is the time for me to read the blog.
Hey, I told you it wasn't earth-shattering! Cut me some slack...
Of course, this 'startling revelation' begs the question: Why haven't you read it up until now?
Well, since you asked... I am not sure. Here are a few theories:
1. I can be hard on myself sometimes. (Duh) Perhaps I worried that re-reading would lead to second-guessing or Monday morning quarterbacking... I know that when I read it I'm going to cringe occasionally wishing I'd chosen a different word, or analogy, or allegory, or... Whatever. I know that I'll see errors in punctuation and spelling, and grammar. Oh, well. I'm sure I'll read whiny-ass posts that make me want to puke or yell out, "Just grow a pair!" So be it.
2. I know I'm going to read something and say, "Oh, crap. I introduced something here and never finished the thread..." I fancy myself a storyteller, and storytellers don't 'weave and leave' (Naader - I made that one up on the fly!). No, it's the absolute nadir of 'being a tease' for an author to start spinning a yarn - and then not finish it! How unsatisfying! How lame! No cigarettes here, please, none of us are satisfied... So, why didn't I just add this to list number 1 above? Because the above issues will not compel me to print corrections - yes, I will cringe, yes, I will wince, but, no, I don't think the above issues will send me screaming to a re-write... Finding loose ends will make me
3. I might be bored to death. Naaaah. What was I thinking? I'm gonna laugh my ass off.
I can't see what I'm going to learn from the 'me' of 18 months ago.
This should be good.
Tonight, let's close with some thoughts from Jessica.
"Mr. P!!!
You have been such a GREAT teacher. I was lucky to have you as a teacher for two years. You have a very fun personality and always seem to have a smile on your face. You have been a great help, and I can honestly say that you have been the best teacher I've had in high school. I have so much to say that I can go on and on, but to keep it short, I wish you nothing but the best, try to keep in touch... Good luck with everything. Thanks for all you've done."
Thanks, Jessica - you were a great TA, too :)
Be well, everyone. Lots to do before I turn in tonight! See you again soon.
Carpe Diem!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
The pre-op tour continued today. I mentioned previously that there are a lot of appointments coming up before surgery. I had an EKG (electrocardiogram) today, and it showed an abnormality in my heartbeat. So, the next step in that process will be a Stress Echogram at a cardiologist's office.
I'll keep you posted.
Oh, the abnormality? A potential problem with the electrical impulses at the 'AV Node.' The AV node (Atrioventricular node) sets the rhythm of the heartbeats. Apparently, there is a delay in the conductance of the signals at that node.
I think that the stress test will prove that this is nothing serious. We shall see.
Good night.
I'll keep you posted.
Oh, the abnormality? A potential problem with the electrical impulses at the 'AV Node.' The AV node (Atrioventricular node) sets the rhythm of the heartbeats. Apparently, there is a delay in the conductance of the signals at that node.
I think that the stress test will prove that this is nothing serious. We shall see.
Good night.
Tonight's message is a simple one. I just want to acknowledge that I have found some peace of mind within the past few days. This may not be what readers want to read when they tune in to a blog, but it is the truth.
The truth is - and I embrace this 100% - I am writing this blog for ME. Yes, I have an idea that people can benefit from reading about my experiences, or from laughing at stupid things that may happen to me, or from things that I may write about, BUT...
What this blog really represents to me is a place to sit, with a blank page in front of me, and to share with you whatever happens to be on my mind at that moment. That's really about it. Yes, there are times that I'm at work and I think "I really want to write about this..." or when something really significant happens and it can't be ignored, or there is something time-sensitive, etc. But, at it's heart, this blog shall remain a stream of consciousness exercise - and a personal conversation between me and you.
So, this obsessing I've been doing about growing the blog audience? Not going to invest time and energy on that at this point. Wanting to create a website that people can access to read about uplifting stories, share advice, learn about treatment options, etc? Not now. Creating original content for my YouTube channel? It can wait. Establishing a foundation to help celebrate the eye-opener that is cancer? Not just yet...
I make no apologies for any of the above. I have my priorities right now. Number one is protecting my health and improving my quality of life. It has to be. Number two is documenting my story, through the blog and other outlets. A distant third is completing my doctorate. There is time for that yet...
So, if you enjoy what you read here, please keep coming back. I don't know what you'll read day-in and day-out, but I can assure you that it is similar to what you've already seen - without the pleading, high-pressure, whiny growth-oriented perspective. It will be, quite simply, whatever my brain chooses to share on a given day.
So, thanks for stopping by. I will see you again tomorrow. Life is good.
Take us home, Ian...
"P-tron!
Lame! No more room in your yearbook. But that won't stop me. You are my favorite teacher. SAMO is losing their diamond. I don't like you because you are hilarious & kind & one of the most genuine people I know, but simply because you treat me like a person - a true human being - not just as a student. Have fun on the Harley riding x-country! I'll be at Cal Poly SLO :) Architecture baby! Love you Trons..."
Thank you, Ian. I love San Luis Obispo - and I hope you are, too...
Peace, all.
Carpe Diem.
The truth is - and I embrace this 100% - I am writing this blog for ME. Yes, I have an idea that people can benefit from reading about my experiences, or from laughing at stupid things that may happen to me, or from things that I may write about, BUT...
What this blog really represents to me is a place to sit, with a blank page in front of me, and to share with you whatever happens to be on my mind at that moment. That's really about it. Yes, there are times that I'm at work and I think "I really want to write about this..." or when something really significant happens and it can't be ignored, or there is something time-sensitive, etc. But, at it's heart, this blog shall remain a stream of consciousness exercise - and a personal conversation between me and you.
So, this obsessing I've been doing about growing the blog audience? Not going to invest time and energy on that at this point. Wanting to create a website that people can access to read about uplifting stories, share advice, learn about treatment options, etc? Not now. Creating original content for my YouTube channel? It can wait. Establishing a foundation to help celebrate the eye-opener that is cancer? Not just yet...
I make no apologies for any of the above. I have my priorities right now. Number one is protecting my health and improving my quality of life. It has to be. Number two is documenting my story, through the blog and other outlets. A distant third is completing my doctorate. There is time for that yet...
So, if you enjoy what you read here, please keep coming back. I don't know what you'll read day-in and day-out, but I can assure you that it is similar to what you've already seen - without the pleading, high-pressure, whiny growth-oriented perspective. It will be, quite simply, whatever my brain chooses to share on a given day.
So, thanks for stopping by. I will see you again tomorrow. Life is good.
Take us home, Ian...
"P-tron!
Lame! No more room in your yearbook. But that won't stop me. You are my favorite teacher. SAMO is losing their diamond. I don't like you because you are hilarious & kind & one of the most genuine people I know, but simply because you treat me like a person - a true human being - not just as a student. Have fun on the Harley riding x-country! I'll be at Cal Poly SLO :) Architecture baby! Love you Trons..."
Thank you, Ian. I love San Luis Obispo - and I hope you are, too...
Peace, all.
Carpe Diem.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
The next phase of the prostate cancer fight is preparing for surgery. I want to prepare the best possible way for the best possible result, including watching my diet, exercising, doing my kegels, and completing all of the pre-op requirements.
Here are the pre-operative checks to be completed before the surgery in May:
1. Chest x-ray. As I understand it, this is a requirement for anesthesia to assure that the lungs are clear.
2. Full blood and urine work-up. Looking for unexpected readings that may indicate medical problems that may need to be addressed before surgery.
3. EKG. Check to make sure there are no cardiac irregularities which could show up during surgery.
4. Preoperative appointment with the surgeon. Go over the surgery prep, surgery, post-op, recovery, rehab, etc.
5. Pre-surgical evaluation with anesthesiologist. To evaluate potential complications during surgery - in my case, discussing my sleep apnea will be an important part of this meeting.
In the meantime, my oncologist took me off the ADT, which is great! I have also taken advantage of the opportunity of the EKG to get a cardiac stress test at the same time. The goal is to get off of blood pressure medication! Wish me luck.
"Thank you for being such a kind teacher to us. Although it is a pity you will not be at this school anymore I hope that you can continue to teach and care for others like you did for us this year. You were one of my favorite teacher this year because you were also one of the kindest. You helped those that asked for it and I could see that you were sincere to us with your feelings. I hope you can continue to be this kind of person in the future."
I am trying. I promise, I am trying.
Here are the pre-operative checks to be completed before the surgery in May:
1. Chest x-ray. As I understand it, this is a requirement for anesthesia to assure that the lungs are clear.
2. Full blood and urine work-up. Looking for unexpected readings that may indicate medical problems that may need to be addressed before surgery.
3. EKG. Check to make sure there are no cardiac irregularities which could show up during surgery.
4. Preoperative appointment with the surgeon. Go over the surgery prep, surgery, post-op, recovery, rehab, etc.
5. Pre-surgical evaluation with anesthesiologist. To evaluate potential complications during surgery - in my case, discussing my sleep apnea will be an important part of this meeting.
In the meantime, my oncologist took me off the ADT, which is great! I have also taken advantage of the opportunity of the EKG to get a cardiac stress test at the same time. The goal is to get off of blood pressure medication! Wish me luck.
"Thank you for being such a kind teacher to us. Although it is a pity you will not be at this school anymore I hope that you can continue to teach and care for others like you did for us this year. You were one of my favorite teacher this year because you were also one of the kindest. You helped those that asked for it and I could see that you were sincere to us with your feelings. I hope you can continue to be this kind of person in the future."
I am trying. I promise, I am trying.
I just realized something here. I'm in a bit of a catch-22 regarding this blog. As I've stated before, I feed off the energy that comes from 'page views' and 'comments' here on the blog. Last weekend, more people than ever read more pages, subsequently, I was posting feverishly - spending as much as 3 hours writing and editing posts. I am not sure spending 3 hours per night writing and editing is the be best use of my limited energy bucket. This weekend, page views were only one-third what they were last weekend. I can only assume that people read an entry or two, then decided not to come back. Not exactly confidence-building.
Added to these facts is the disappointing response I got on my call for help. I was hoping to get some creative ideas and leads from that request, but the response was underwhelming - and demoralizing. (Thank you to the three people who did share my blog link on Facebook.)
In the face of these facts, I'm going to retrench and seek the energy and motivation needed to continue. In honor of the other prostate cancer sufferers who may be reading these posts, I will be entering one more post tonight regarding pre-operative procedures. I will continue to post regarding my disease, but the entries may be a touch on the 'dry' side until my muse returns.
Comments like the following certainly do help, but they are far too often trumped by silence.
"[I read your blog] everyday, first thing when I get to work, usually puts a smile on my face because I can go back and actually see you talking to me like you used to. Not happy about the journey you now face, but somehow deep in my gut I know the outcome is positive. It sure seems as if you have great support, which is key. Myself, I don't know how you live in the desert all by yourself, but your blog put it a little into perspective, I guess???"
Be well.
Added to these facts is the disappointing response I got on my call for help. I was hoping to get some creative ideas and leads from that request, but the response was underwhelming - and demoralizing. (Thank you to the three people who did share my blog link on Facebook.)
In the face of these facts, I'm going to retrench and seek the energy and motivation needed to continue. In honor of the other prostate cancer sufferers who may be reading these posts, I will be entering one more post tonight regarding pre-operative procedures. I will continue to post regarding my disease, but the entries may be a touch on the 'dry' side until my muse returns.
Comments like the following certainly do help, but they are far too often trumped by silence.
"[I read your blog] everyday, first thing when I get to work, usually puts a smile on my face because I can go back and actually see you talking to me like you used to. Not happy about the journey you now face, but somehow deep in my gut I know the outcome is positive. It sure seems as if you have great support, which is key. Myself, I don't know how you live in the desert all by yourself, but your blog put it a little into perspective, I guess???"
Be well.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Hi, all. A very productive day for me today. I got at it right from the jump. I accomplished a lot of things, and I learned something.
You see, I learned that, no matter how much support and assistance you might receive, the fight is always fought alone. I knew that going in. I just thought, well...
Thank you, Jackie, for re-posting my last blog entry.
I'm going to retrench and try to figure out a new way to get from Point A to Point B. Matt is going to close the proceedings:
"Grand Master P!
You've been one of the most enjoyable teachers I've ever had. A truly genuine guy and I've been privileged to have a seat in your class. Thank for always having faith and motivating me, and don't think I forgot you helped me make my resume. Now I have a job!! YOU ARE THA MAN!!!!! Seriously a chill dude, don't lose touch."
Good night. See you again tomorrow.
You see, I learned that, no matter how much support and assistance you might receive, the fight is always fought alone. I knew that going in. I just thought, well...
Thank you, Jackie, for re-posting my last blog entry.
I'm going to retrench and try to figure out a new way to get from Point A to Point B. Matt is going to close the proceedings:
"Grand Master P!
You've been one of the most enjoyable teachers I've ever had. A truly genuine guy and I've been privileged to have a seat in your class. Thank for always having faith and motivating me, and don't think I forgot you helped me make my resume. Now I have a job!! YOU ARE THA MAN!!!!! Seriously a chill dude, don't lose touch."
Good night. See you again tomorrow.
Friday, March 7, 2014
The post this evening is very personal. The truth of the matter is, I need your help. I'm going to be very direct. While most of my posts come straight from the brain onto the screen, this one comes straight from the heart.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
I believe that cancer has delivered my opportunity to 'contribute a verse' as Walt Whitman said.
Please, help me write that verse:
I need a webmaster to help me get my website(s) up and running.
Do you know anyone in college looking to get some experience, a recent graduate, or someone who may consider pro bono work? Perhaps even a retired dot.com person who is bored and looking for a good cause? You get the picture...
I need a project manager to help me organize the various pieces of this new endeavor.
I was thinking perhaps a recently (or not so recently) retired person who is meticulous and likes to keep things 'squared away' 'to a t'? Or a young engineering/accountant/industrial engineer? You know the type...
I need help increasing traffic to the blog and the websites.
Where are my tech-savvy, plugged into the marketplace friends who can sell ice cream in December? (hmmm... Doesn't translate as well in California!) Where are my college students working on real-world application type problems that may or may not pertain to their major but you joined anyway because there was that cute chick or guy in the group? Or perhaps you have a 'regular' job, but like a good challenge outside of work? I know these types exist out there, but I don't see one when I look in the mirror!!!
I need the energy and hope - that comes from sharing my story, and the love and energy people have shared with me... I have the audacity to believe that there are people out there struggling who can gain relief in knowing they are not alone, in laughing at a well placed joke, or even crying over elicited memories.
But, I need your help.
Let's start here: Everyone please share this blog with at least one other person. If you are reading it now, I hope you find it worthwhile enough to do so.
If you can help, or know someone who can, please leave a comment below. I can keep the comment private by not 'publishing' it if need be.
Thank you for reading. And, thank you for your help.
I NEED YOUR HELP.
I believe that cancer has delivered my opportunity to 'contribute a verse' as Walt Whitman said.
Please, help me write that verse:
I need a webmaster to help me get my website(s) up and running.
Do you know anyone in college looking to get some experience, a recent graduate, or someone who may consider pro bono work? Perhaps even a retired dot.com person who is bored and looking for a good cause? You get the picture...
I need a project manager to help me organize the various pieces of this new endeavor.
I was thinking perhaps a recently (or not so recently) retired person who is meticulous and likes to keep things 'squared away' 'to a t'? Or a young engineering/accountant/industrial engineer? You know the type...
I need help increasing traffic to the blog and the websites.
Where are my tech-savvy, plugged into the marketplace friends who can sell ice cream in December? (hmmm... Doesn't translate as well in California!) Where are my college students working on real-world application type problems that may or may not pertain to their major but you joined anyway because there was that cute chick or guy in the group? Or perhaps you have a 'regular' job, but like a good challenge outside of work? I know these types exist out there, but I don't see one when I look in the mirror!!!
I need the energy and hope - that comes from sharing my story, and the love and energy people have shared with me... I have the audacity to believe that there are people out there struggling who can gain relief in knowing they are not alone, in laughing at a well placed joke, or even crying over elicited memories.
But, I need your help.
Let's start here: Everyone please share this blog with at least one other person. If you are reading it now, I hope you find it worthwhile enough to do so.
If you can help, or know someone who can, please leave a comment below. I can keep the comment private by not 'publishing' it if need be.
Thank you for reading. And, thank you for your help.
Confidential to my friend with whom I'm playing "10 Questions" - I posted a new question after the old one... You can find it on my February 28, 2014 post.
Be well! I awoke feeling refreshed and ready to go! So glad I went to bed early.
Now, I'm going to use my Magic Bullet to make myself some Cream of Asparagus soup for lunch!
Later!
Oh, heck. I know this is a quick post, how about a quick affirmation...
"Mr. P,
I wish I had met you before this year. You are a great teacher, you always took the extra time to help me understand what we were learning. I love your NY humor and your "My Cousin Vinny" references [Breakfast $1.50 / Lunch $2.50 / Dinner $3.50] You were also a great mentor and I know that all your students always felt comfortable talking to you because of your genuine compassion for the people around you. Good luck on everything in the future!"
Thank you, Harmony. It was my pleasure teaching you and your cohorts. You're the best!
Have a great day, y'all.
Oh, and Elaine, I hope you had a spectacularly wonderful birthday yesterday. I will always have a special place in my heart for you...
Also - DB - how wonderful it was to hear your voice last night... It has been toooooo long.
CARPE DIEM! It's Friiiiiiiday!!!!!!
Be well! I awoke feeling refreshed and ready to go! So glad I went to bed early.
Now, I'm going to use my Magic Bullet to make myself some Cream of Asparagus soup for lunch!
Later!
Oh, heck. I know this is a quick post, how about a quick affirmation...
"Mr. P,
I wish I had met you before this year. You are a great teacher, you always took the extra time to help me understand what we were learning. I love your NY humor and your "My Cousin Vinny" references [Breakfast $1.50 / Lunch $2.50 / Dinner $3.50] You were also a great mentor and I know that all your students always felt comfortable talking to you because of your genuine compassion for the people around you. Good luck on everything in the future!"
Thank you, Harmony. It was my pleasure teaching you and your cohorts. You're the best!
Have a great day, y'all.
Oh, and Elaine, I hope you had a spectacularly wonderful birthday yesterday. I will always have a special place in my heart for you...
Also - DB - how wonderful it was to hear your voice last night... It has been toooooo long.
CARPE DIEM! It's Friiiiiiiday!!!!!!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
I got great news today from my oncologist - I'm completely off the Casodex now, in addition to no more Lupron shots!!! I can hardly wait for my hormones to regulate (it may be a while, the Lupron shots were scheduled quarterly, so I am sure that there is still some 'active ingredient' floating around in my body).
Today was one of the bad ones - the weird head feeling was strong, and the energy was low. I plan to be in bed by 8PM, so this will be a brief visit tonight.
I suppose fatigue is as good a topic as any for tonight. Fatigue and fortitude.
Regarding fatigue, I know that I am often my own worst enemy - staying up too late writing, teaching several nights a week, not getting restful sleep, etc. So, tonight begins a new experiment. Hang on, I'll be right back... I just set up my CPAP machine. (Prescribed for my sleep apnea; I know I've talked about it here previously, but the CPAP - Continuous Positive Airway Pressure - machine is designed to force air into the nasal passages. This prevents the breathing interruptions that are the primary symptom of sleep apnea). I'm going to commit to using it for one week and see if it helps my energy.
While I'm on the topic of energy, it's time for a candid conversation. One of these days I will do some networking with other bloggers and ask them if their experience was similar to mine...
The ebb and flow of a blogger's day:
1. Think
2. Write
3. Get really into the writing process (picture Ralphie with his decoder ring in A Christmas Carol - until he discovers it's just a commercial). I'm writing, editing, thinking, carefully selecting my words, smiling, frowning, sometimes crying, working feverishly, until...
4. Put the post up
5. Feel satisfied
6. Feel anxious waiting to see if anyone will read the post - or even comment on it!
7. Go to bed (I'm usually blogging late in the evening)
8. Wake up and check computer to see how many page views I had on the new post
9. Here's where my day goes in one of two ways - If there has been significant traffic and a couple of comments, I am beside myself with delight! If, on the other hand... Few readers, no comments, no energy = bummed author. I've said it before, I'll say it again, we are having a conversation here. Conversations are not one way affairs - comments, responses, feedback, suggestions, etc. Are necessary to move the conversation forward.
10. Obsess over readership stats
11. Go to work
12. Get home
13. Eat
14. Blog
15. Promote blog on Facebook
16. Begin obsessing all over again.
There you have it, folks... My life in a nutshell. Of course, add in working, commuting, teaching, living...
The bottom line is that a vibrant, active blog is a joy - a serious mood elevator! A dormant, no-buzz blog is the opposite. I am trying to focus on me, my health, my journey, my immediate surroundings, but - for better or worse - what I am right now is a blogger. I would like to be a good one. One who cares about what he writes - and who cares very deeply about maintaining that healthy dialogue.
So, I hope you will take a page from my dear friend, Debbie's book... She shared the blog link with her facebook friends - along with a personal note encouraging them to read it - and predicting that they'd enjoy it. Thank you, Debbie!!
So, I'm going to ask each of my readers who has a facebook account to do the exact same thing. If you are reading, and you like what you see, please share. I look forward to tapping into that flow of positive energy! THANK YOU!!!
It's time to go - I may not even make it until 8PM...
Good night, everyone. Mari, take us home, please...
"Mr. P
Thank you for being not only an amazing stats teacher, but also one of the most genuinely kind and positive people I know. You make me laugh whenever you shout "Excrement!" or make funny puns. Here's one - what's a Grecian Urn? ... 5 dollars! Romans make about 10! I thought you'd like that one, so cheesy. I loved watching your video (from motorcycle riding) and I just want you to pleeeease stay safe? You have truly made this year bearable with your humor and support. I can always count on you! Love, Mari"
Mari, you can still count on my support! Be well!
Carpe Diem, all...
Today was one of the bad ones - the weird head feeling was strong, and the energy was low. I plan to be in bed by 8PM, so this will be a brief visit tonight.
I suppose fatigue is as good a topic as any for tonight. Fatigue and fortitude.
Regarding fatigue, I know that I am often my own worst enemy - staying up too late writing, teaching several nights a week, not getting restful sleep, etc. So, tonight begins a new experiment. Hang on, I'll be right back... I just set up my CPAP machine. (Prescribed for my sleep apnea; I know I've talked about it here previously, but the CPAP - Continuous Positive Airway Pressure - machine is designed to force air into the nasal passages. This prevents the breathing interruptions that are the primary symptom of sleep apnea). I'm going to commit to using it for one week and see if it helps my energy.
While I'm on the topic of energy, it's time for a candid conversation. One of these days I will do some networking with other bloggers and ask them if their experience was similar to mine...
The ebb and flow of a blogger's day:
1. Think
2. Write
3. Get really into the writing process (picture Ralphie with his decoder ring in A Christmas Carol - until he discovers it's just a commercial). I'm writing, editing, thinking, carefully selecting my words, smiling, frowning, sometimes crying, working feverishly, until...
4. Put the post up
5. Feel satisfied
6. Feel anxious waiting to see if anyone will read the post - or even comment on it!
7. Go to bed (I'm usually blogging late in the evening)
8. Wake up and check computer to see how many page views I had on the new post
9. Here's where my day goes in one of two ways - If there has been significant traffic and a couple of comments, I am beside myself with delight! If, on the other hand... Few readers, no comments, no energy = bummed author. I've said it before, I'll say it again, we are having a conversation here. Conversations are not one way affairs - comments, responses, feedback, suggestions, etc. Are necessary to move the conversation forward.
10. Obsess over readership stats
11. Go to work
12. Get home
13. Eat
14. Blog
15. Promote blog on Facebook
16. Begin obsessing all over again.
There you have it, folks... My life in a nutshell. Of course, add in working, commuting, teaching, living...
The bottom line is that a vibrant, active blog is a joy - a serious mood elevator! A dormant, no-buzz blog is the opposite. I am trying to focus on me, my health, my journey, my immediate surroundings, but - for better or worse - what I am right now is a blogger. I would like to be a good one. One who cares about what he writes - and who cares very deeply about maintaining that healthy dialogue.
So, I hope you will take a page from my dear friend, Debbie's book... She shared the blog link with her facebook friends - along with a personal note encouraging them to read it - and predicting that they'd enjoy it. Thank you, Debbie!!
So, I'm going to ask each of my readers who has a facebook account to do the exact same thing. If you are reading, and you like what you see, please share. I look forward to tapping into that flow of positive energy! THANK YOU!!!
It's time to go - I may not even make it until 8PM...
Good night, everyone. Mari, take us home, please...
"Mr. P
Thank you for being not only an amazing stats teacher, but also one of the most genuinely kind and positive people I know. You make me laugh whenever you shout "Excrement!" or make funny puns. Here's one - what's a Grecian Urn? ... 5 dollars! Romans make about 10! I thought you'd like that one, so cheesy. I loved watching your video (from motorcycle riding) and I just want you to pleeeease stay safe? You have truly made this year bearable with your humor and support. I can always count on you! Love, Mari"
Mari, you can still count on my support! Be well!
Carpe Diem, all...
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Regarding hormone therapy and side effects (remember, Androgen Deprivation Treatment - or ADT - halts the production of the male hormone, Androgen, thereby reducing testosterone, thereby removing 'fuel' from the cancer):
I have been regularly experiencing two rather significant side effects from my hormone therapy. Thankfully, man boobs is not yet one of them! No, the two seem to operate in tandem, and they are: Headaches, and 'disorientation.' I use the quotes here because I don't know quite what to call the feeling. I can describe the feeling, but the appropriate word remains just out of the grasp of my conscious being... All I can say is it feels like my head is under water.
I don't know how many people are reading this blog who have also been on this type of therapy, but I'd love to know your experience. Please leave a comment below - especially if you found relief in some way; heck, even if it was just minimizing that feeling of weirdness, I'd be happy :)
As for the headaches, well, I keep trying different things. Staying hydrated, eating regularly, monitoring my blood pressure... Today, I tried a cup of coffee mid-day to see if caffeine might help. It didn't.
Well, I suppose I'll just muddle through on trial and error... My surgeon wants me to discontinue Androgen Deprivation Treatment, and I agree with him 100%. Think about it - I don't want 'Deprivation' treatment - what fun is it to deprive yourself?
SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS AND PATIENTS (OF ANY KIND):
Wait, we're going to do this as a sideline reporter at a college basketball game, talking to the coach at halftime:
Reporter: "Hey, coach, how do you feel after that first half?"
Coach: "Well, my bladder is acting up, and my blood pressure meds are killing me - I gotta pee!"
Reporter: "No, coach - I meant how did you feel about the way your team played?"
Coach: "My back teeth are floating over here, but I can say we went in with a good mindset, and we felt prepared."
R: "What did you do to prepare, coach?"
C: "Well, I read my book on prostate health, and I read about the treatment options, and I wrote down a bunch of questions for my doctor..."
R: "You were ready for these guys, weren't you?"
C: "Oh, yeah. We felt really comfortable in our game plan."
R: "If that's the case, what happened there right at the end of the half? Why did you have to call back the doctor's office?"
C: "Well, I'll take full responsibility for that blunder... You see, I was ready to discuss treatments, side effects, long-term prognoses, etc. I mean, I had notes!"
R: "And then?"
C: "And then, that sneaky son-of-a-gun pulled an audible."
R: "Who? The other coach?"
C: "NO! This whole basketball thing is just a metaphor for my visit to the surgeon... When he said he wanted my off of EDT, I assumed he meant the shots - and before you ask, yes, I know what assume makes!"
R: "So, basically you froze up like a deer in the headlights and didn't follow-through, just like on your putting stroke."
C: "Cripes, stop mixing metaphors on me - we're not talking about golf! We are talking about basketball - I mean cancer, dang it!!! Stop trying to confuse me with your tricks, your high-fallutin' education, and your perfume, and that hair spray..."
R: "Okay, coach. Fair enough. How would you describe your performance at the end?"
C: "Just like a deer in the headlights..."
R: "Back to you in the booth...."
Okay, so prepared is good, but don't be afraid to relax and LISTEN to your doctor when next you visit. If I had asked that simple follow-up, "Cool. No more 'lupron' shots. What about the Casodex?" Unfortunately, I will not know the answer to that question until Thursday, when my doctor returns to his lair - I mean, office! In the meantime, I'm shopping online for a bro - or is it a manziere? I hear Victor's Secrets has a sale this month on minimizers... Now, where did I put that credit card?
Please, save us, Kat!
"Mr. P! You are my favorite teacher, by far! Everything you have done this year means so much. You have one of the most caring hearts and you honestly deserve the best. One chapter of your life is ending, but a new one is just beginning, just like the rest of us. Keep in touch! <3 Kat!!!"
Wow, three exclamation marks - the Russian judge only gave me two :(
It's after midnight, and I'm thinking sleep is good for preventing headaches, too.
Good night.
I have been regularly experiencing two rather significant side effects from my hormone therapy. Thankfully, man boobs is not yet one of them! No, the two seem to operate in tandem, and they are: Headaches, and 'disorientation.' I use the quotes here because I don't know quite what to call the feeling. I can describe the feeling, but the appropriate word remains just out of the grasp of my conscious being... All I can say is it feels like my head is under water.
I don't know how many people are reading this blog who have also been on this type of therapy, but I'd love to know your experience. Please leave a comment below - especially if you found relief in some way; heck, even if it was just minimizing that feeling of weirdness, I'd be happy :)
As for the headaches, well, I keep trying different things. Staying hydrated, eating regularly, monitoring my blood pressure... Today, I tried a cup of coffee mid-day to see if caffeine might help. It didn't.
Well, I suppose I'll just muddle through on trial and error... My surgeon wants me to discontinue Androgen Deprivation Treatment, and I agree with him 100%. Think about it - I don't want 'Deprivation' treatment - what fun is it to deprive yourself?
SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS AND PATIENTS (OF ANY KIND):
Wait, we're going to do this as a sideline reporter at a college basketball game, talking to the coach at halftime:
Reporter: "Hey, coach, how do you feel after that first half?"
Coach: "Well, my bladder is acting up, and my blood pressure meds are killing me - I gotta pee!"
Reporter: "No, coach - I meant how did you feel about the way your team played?"
Coach: "My back teeth are floating over here, but I can say we went in with a good mindset, and we felt prepared."
R: "What did you do to prepare, coach?"
C: "Well, I read my book on prostate health, and I read about the treatment options, and I wrote down a bunch of questions for my doctor..."
R: "You were ready for these guys, weren't you?"
C: "Oh, yeah. We felt really comfortable in our game plan."
R: "If that's the case, what happened there right at the end of the half? Why did you have to call back the doctor's office?"
C: "Well, I'll take full responsibility for that blunder... You see, I was ready to discuss treatments, side effects, long-term prognoses, etc. I mean, I had notes!"
R: "And then?"
C: "And then, that sneaky son-of-a-gun pulled an audible."
R: "Who? The other coach?"
C: "NO! This whole basketball thing is just a metaphor for my visit to the surgeon... When he said he wanted my off of EDT, I assumed he meant the shots - and before you ask, yes, I know what assume makes!"
R: "So, basically you froze up like a deer in the headlights and didn't follow-through, just like on your putting stroke."
C: "Cripes, stop mixing metaphors on me - we're not talking about golf! We are talking about basketball - I mean cancer, dang it!!! Stop trying to confuse me with your tricks, your high-fallutin' education, and your perfume, and that hair spray..."
R: "Okay, coach. Fair enough. How would you describe your performance at the end?"
C: "Just like a deer in the headlights..."
R: "Back to you in the booth...."
Okay, so prepared is good, but don't be afraid to relax and LISTEN to your doctor when next you visit. If I had asked that simple follow-up, "Cool. No more 'lupron' shots. What about the Casodex?" Unfortunately, I will not know the answer to that question until Thursday, when my doctor returns to his lair - I mean, office! In the meantime, I'm shopping online for a bro - or is it a manziere? I hear Victor's Secrets has a sale this month on minimizers... Now, where did I put that credit card?
Please, save us, Kat!
"Mr. P! You are my favorite teacher, by far! Everything you have done this year means so much. You have one of the most caring hearts and you honestly deserve the best. One chapter of your life is ending, but a new one is just beginning, just like the rest of us. Keep in touch! <3 Kat!!!"
Wow, three exclamation marks - the Russian judge only gave me two :(
It's after midnight, and I'm thinking sleep is good for preventing headaches, too.
Good night.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Two words. That's all the big boss had to say to me last week to turn my life around. Two words...
"Next year..."
How I longed to hear those words! To think, for months, I was the King of Self-flagellation; my inner voice railed at me for any perceived misstep. In retrospect, I will have to admit that my non-tenure experience had left me scarred. I poured my heart and soul into helping those students the best way I knew. But, at the end of the day, I was told (tacitly), we don't want you. Go away. Our students are better off without you...
... So, yeah, 'next year' beats the heck out of 'get lost.'
But, forget all that: Just focus on the two words for one second... all it took to turn hope into reality... two words.
Two little words, but with such a profound impact!
How many words per day do you speak?
How many of those words changed someone's life?
How many lives may you have changed; without even knowing it?
I haven't spoken much in this forum about my current state of spirituality. The beginning of this blog was populated with entries based on my reading of The Celestine Prophecy. One of it's tenets that I truly believe is this: Put positive energy out into the universe - and allow the universe to return it to you. With interest. And, honesty, in my case, it feels like compound interest. I am humbled by the energy bestowed upon me - each and every day.
So, for the sake of science, sociology, lively dinner-party conversation, and just plain fun, I've devised the following assessment to help you determine the type of energy you are putting out into the universe...
Please note that I am a trained statistician, with professional training and a Masters Degree and all that sort of business - PLEASE do not try this at home! Creating imaginative scientific surveys and getting people into fun, philosophical discussions is best left to the professionals! You've been warned! You have no idea what you may learn about your neighbor, friend, co-worker, bowling teammate, UPS deliveryman, or - gasp! - your own child(!!) if you actually sit down and communicate with them. The horrors!
So, as a public service (as much as anything else, I suppose), I present to you a quick quiz so that you may self-assess your 'karma quotient.' [heretofore known as KQ - patent pending, insert fast-talking legal disclaimer-reader-person listing possible side effects]
Scenario Number One!
You're in the checkout line at the grocery store. There are two frazzled checkers taking care of a dozen customers... You're currently third in line behind the last person on the planet who actually writes a check for milk, and the couple heading out rock climbing for the weekend. It appears that the couple is quite fond of granola; their entire basket consists of 23 different varieties culled from the bulk bins on aisle five...
Do you:
A. Sigh loudly and say, why isn't the express lane open? (Disclaimer: I actually said this about two weeks ago while purchasing yogurt and granola for breakfast... In fact, I'm certain I've used this one a number of times, along with "Are you ever going to get self-checkouts?")
B. Notice the exasperated single mother behind you clinging to twins with one hand, a two-year old in the other, and a ginormous variety pack with the other (yes, I know that makes three hands - we are talking about mothers here, people, you dig? I mean, they can to sprout appendages as needed - they're like the Swiss Army knife of the household! You know? Alright, back to business...). You not only let her go in front of you, you politely usher her past the climbers - employing the subtle, yet-effective eyebrow raise indicating nappys trump snackies any day of the week...
C. You complain loudly that the couple in front of you used all red zip-ties on their baggies, when clearly some of these bags came from the more expensive blue tag bins. The instant the couple returns to aisle to correct their mistake, you swoop past the sexagenarian when he reaches for his checkbook. Or was he simply adjusting his prosthetic hip?
Scenario Number Two!
You find yourself at a traffic light in West LA. Ahead of you is a carload of tourists - you know this because they pause in front of every tree on the street, heads out the windows snapping 'palmies.' Meanwhile, the driver is snapping selfies, and uploading instagrams, all the while texting his buddies back in North Dakota, "We made it to LA; you betcha!"
In the lane to the right are a couple of local students. At least you surmise they are students by their roof-top surfboards, the Lambda Lambda Lambda bumper sticker, and their total lack of awareness to their surroundings. Their motto appears to be, "Drive it like you stole it!" Or perhaps it was just, "Puff, puff, give!" For the past two miles, they set a world record for 'turtle hunting', hitting every one of Mr. Botts' inventions which supposedly separate your lane from theirs...
Do you:
A. Rediscover your inner New Yorker, administering firm, consistent pressure on your car horn exactly 17.2 nanoseconds after the light turns green.
B. Realize you're enjoying the wonderful California sunshine, and back off a few metres (shoutout, Canada!) [tweet! That's it! That's two minutes in the penalty box for pandering to our brothers up North!! Meaning: I don't have any readers from the provinces yet... So, help me oot, eh, you hosers?]
C. Drive on the sidewalk, ego-manically yelling, "These stuntmen are the worst I've ever seen! I'll see to it that they'll never work again!"
Scenario Number Three!
You find yourself at the emergency room, having stubbed your toe getting out of the shower when you recognized that American Idol was about to start... Ahead of you in the queue (shoutout, chaps!) are an assortment of characters, including one gentleman who appears to be cradling his right kneecap - under his left armpit, two teenage 'scientists' who seemed to have discovered that firecrackers were not meant to be held quite that way, at least one hypochondriac clutching the latest issue of Lancet, and three men wearing golf shoes - and the look that says both, "I really crushed that one, didn't I?" and ""If my back spasm let's go, I'm gonna destroy that back nine...
Do you:
A. Disingenuously mention to the nurse that you have chest pains (knowing full well that two bags of Hot Chili Cheetos chased with a 24 ounce Monster might have more to do with it than angina).
B. Patiently sit in the hallway allowing your companion to watch "Jerry Springer" while you busy yourself with a People magazine from circa 2010. "Oh, that little Hannah Montana is just so cute and wholesome" you tell your companion. Of course, they shush you, and you hear, "The DNA test revealed..."
C. Announce loudly that the morphine truck just overturned in the parking lot - then wade through the teeming masses like a spawning salmon, settling comfortably into Examining Room number 2. (Escape returning blood-thirsty horde by donning scrubs, shades, and surgical mask.)
SCORING: All A answers 10 points. B answers are worth 25 points. And C answers are worth Negative 75 points.
Interpreting your results:
Karma Quotient (KQ): 50 -75 points: You are putting out so much positive energy, three nuclear power plants have been decommissioned.
KQ of 0 - 49 points: Meh. We all have our days.
Negative KQ points: I'm sorry, Senator, next time we will grade on the curve...
There you have it, folks. I statistically valid self-assessment from a valid statistician...
I hope you enjoyed this test. Next time you're faced with a scenario requiring grace, tact, patience, consideration, re-consideration, level-headedness, etc. I hope you'll think of this quiz - and try at least not to go negative, like Mister C above. Hey, that's a start...
Good night, all.
Tonight, Christine gets the final word:
" Mr. P
I love your personality and the way you connected with us so well. You are without a doubt my favorite teacher period!!! Your such a personable person and I've definitely made many memories in this classroom and having you as a teacher. This school really missed out on having you a teacher for a long time. You have truly influenced me in so many ways to become a better person. Thank you Mr. P for teaching me so many lessons in life and always being here for us students. I can' thank you enough. I hope you have a terrific summer and a great future Mr. P. Thank you for everything."
No, thank you, Christine. Stay strong - and stay true to yourself.
Carpe Diem.
"Next year..."
How I longed to hear those words! To think, for months, I was the King of Self-flagellation; my inner voice railed at me for any perceived misstep. In retrospect, I will have to admit that my non-tenure experience had left me scarred. I poured my heart and soul into helping those students the best way I knew. But, at the end of the day, I was told (tacitly), we don't want you. Go away. Our students are better off without you...
... So, yeah, 'next year' beats the heck out of 'get lost.'
But, forget all that: Just focus on the two words for one second... all it took to turn hope into reality... two words.
Two little words, but with such a profound impact!
How many words per day do you speak?
How many of those words changed someone's life?
How many lives may you have changed; without even knowing it?
I haven't spoken much in this forum about my current state of spirituality. The beginning of this blog was populated with entries based on my reading of The Celestine Prophecy. One of it's tenets that I truly believe is this: Put positive energy out into the universe - and allow the universe to return it to you. With interest. And, honesty, in my case, it feels like compound interest. I am humbled by the energy bestowed upon me - each and every day.
So, for the sake of science, sociology, lively dinner-party conversation, and just plain fun, I've devised the following assessment to help you determine the type of energy you are putting out into the universe...
Please note that I am a trained statistician, with professional training and a Masters Degree and all that sort of business - PLEASE do not try this at home! Creating imaginative scientific surveys and getting people into fun, philosophical discussions is best left to the professionals! You've been warned! You have no idea what you may learn about your neighbor, friend, co-worker, bowling teammate, UPS deliveryman, or - gasp! - your own child(!!) if you actually sit down and communicate with them. The horrors!
So, as a public service (as much as anything else, I suppose), I present to you a quick quiz so that you may self-assess your 'karma quotient.' [heretofore known as KQ - patent pending, insert fast-talking legal disclaimer-reader-person listing possible side effects]
Scenario Number One!
You're in the checkout line at the grocery store. There are two frazzled checkers taking care of a dozen customers... You're currently third in line behind the last person on the planet who actually writes a check for milk, and the couple heading out rock climbing for the weekend. It appears that the couple is quite fond of granola; their entire basket consists of 23 different varieties culled from the bulk bins on aisle five...
Do you:
A. Sigh loudly and say, why isn't the express lane open? (Disclaimer: I actually said this about two weeks ago while purchasing yogurt and granola for breakfast... In fact, I'm certain I've used this one a number of times, along with "Are you ever going to get self-checkouts?")
B. Notice the exasperated single mother behind you clinging to twins with one hand, a two-year old in the other, and a ginormous variety pack with the other (yes, I know that makes three hands - we are talking about mothers here, people, you dig? I mean, they can to sprout appendages as needed - they're like the Swiss Army knife of the household! You know? Alright, back to business...). You not only let her go in front of you, you politely usher her past the climbers - employing the subtle, yet-effective eyebrow raise indicating nappys trump snackies any day of the week...
C. You complain loudly that the couple in front of you used all red zip-ties on their baggies, when clearly some of these bags came from the more expensive blue tag bins. The instant the couple returns to aisle to correct their mistake, you swoop past the sexagenarian when he reaches for his checkbook. Or was he simply adjusting his prosthetic hip?
Scenario Number Two!
You find yourself at a traffic light in West LA. Ahead of you is a carload of tourists - you know this because they pause in front of every tree on the street, heads out the windows snapping 'palmies.' Meanwhile, the driver is snapping selfies, and uploading instagrams, all the while texting his buddies back in North Dakota, "We made it to LA; you betcha!"
In the lane to the right are a couple of local students. At least you surmise they are students by their roof-top surfboards, the Lambda Lambda Lambda bumper sticker, and their total lack of awareness to their surroundings. Their motto appears to be, "Drive it like you stole it!" Or perhaps it was just, "Puff, puff, give!" For the past two miles, they set a world record for 'turtle hunting', hitting every one of Mr. Botts' inventions which supposedly separate your lane from theirs...
Do you:
A. Rediscover your inner New Yorker, administering firm, consistent pressure on your car horn exactly 17.2 nanoseconds after the light turns green.
B. Realize you're enjoying the wonderful California sunshine, and back off a few metres (shoutout, Canada!) [tweet! That's it! That's two minutes in the penalty box for pandering to our brothers up North!! Meaning: I don't have any readers from the provinces yet... So, help me oot, eh, you hosers?]
C. Drive on the sidewalk, ego-manically yelling, "These stuntmen are the worst I've ever seen! I'll see to it that they'll never work again!"
Scenario Number Three!
You find yourself at the emergency room, having stubbed your toe getting out of the shower when you recognized that American Idol was about to start... Ahead of you in the queue (shoutout, chaps!) are an assortment of characters, including one gentleman who appears to be cradling his right kneecap - under his left armpit, two teenage 'scientists' who seemed to have discovered that firecrackers were not meant to be held quite that way, at least one hypochondriac clutching the latest issue of Lancet, and three men wearing golf shoes - and the look that says both, "I really crushed that one, didn't I?" and ""If my back spasm let's go, I'm gonna destroy that back nine...
Do you:
A. Disingenuously mention to the nurse that you have chest pains (knowing full well that two bags of Hot Chili Cheetos chased with a 24 ounce Monster might have more to do with it than angina).
B. Patiently sit in the hallway allowing your companion to watch "Jerry Springer" while you busy yourself with a People magazine from circa 2010. "Oh, that little Hannah Montana is just so cute and wholesome" you tell your companion. Of course, they shush you, and you hear, "The DNA test revealed..."
C. Announce loudly that the morphine truck just overturned in the parking lot - then wade through the teeming masses like a spawning salmon, settling comfortably into Examining Room number 2. (Escape returning blood-thirsty horde by donning scrubs, shades, and surgical mask.)
SCORING: All A answers 10 points. B answers are worth 25 points. And C answers are worth Negative 75 points.
Interpreting your results:
Karma Quotient (KQ): 50 -75 points: You are putting out so much positive energy, three nuclear power plants have been decommissioned.
KQ of 0 - 49 points: Meh. We all have our days.
Negative KQ points: I'm sorry, Senator, next time we will grade on the curve...
There you have it, folks. I statistically valid self-assessment from a valid statistician...
I hope you enjoyed this test. Next time you're faced with a scenario requiring grace, tact, patience, consideration, re-consideration, level-headedness, etc. I hope you'll think of this quiz - and try at least not to go negative, like Mister C above. Hey, that's a start...
Good night, all.
Tonight, Christine gets the final word:
" Mr. P
I love your personality and the way you connected with us so well. You are without a doubt my favorite teacher period!!! Your such a personable person and I've definitely made many memories in this classroom and having you as a teacher. This school really missed out on having you a teacher for a long time. You have truly influenced me in so many ways to become a better person. Thank you Mr. P for teaching me so many lessons in life and always being here for us students. I can' thank you enough. I hope you have a terrific summer and a great future Mr. P. Thank you for everything."
No, thank you, Christine. Stay strong - and stay true to yourself.
Carpe Diem.
Hi, everyone. It's a special Late-Night post-statistics class blog entry... I've had quite a few things on my mind of late - and I really just wanted to write. I have said this before, but it may bear repeating: I enjoy sharing these thoughts, ideas, and observations with you. I truly do. I knew I probably wouldn't get one in today because of my school schedule (8 to 4 in Yucca Valley, then 6 to 10 in San Bernardino). I'm home now, in my pajamas and ready for bed. But I'm going to address one question I get frequently:
Question: "Aren't you lonely living out in the middle of nowhere?"
Anwer: "NO!" "Not really..." "Sometimes."
These are all answers I've given, as well as just dismissing the question as silly. But, in the final analysis, I am an extrovert and I love the company of people. I didn't know that my life would put me here, but I CHOSE TO BE HERE. So, let's not whine about circumstances or necessity or 'the man' or any other excuses. I am living here because I choose to live here. And 90% of the time I love it! I don't mean 'like it;' I LOVE IT!
As to loneliness... Well, I suppose when I am having a down day or a period of depression, I am very lonely. But I think that the answer would have been exactly the same in Santa Monica, when I lived there for two years, even though I was working three jobs (sometimes four). What the hell was I thinking, by the way!??!
No, I don't think that alone = loneliness. I know people who are lonely even though they live with someone. In fact, I exchanged a few text messages tonight from someone who (I think) belongs in this category. I even think that the loneliness and desperation of the person who feels 'trapped' is far worse than a solitary person would feel.
Remember, as my friend Thoreau said, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately..." I went to the desert to live my own life. Not the life that people expect me to lead, or the life that I will have to work a hundred years to afford, or the life that's considered 'normal' (normal is highly overrated, anyway...), or someone else's life - MY LIFE. It's been a little over a year here at My Little House in the Desert and I have grown by any measure (except my waistline) during my tenure 'in the woods.'
I'm happy about that.
Now, as for this question of loneliness. At times, I love to embrace the loneliness. The quiet is incredible. I am certain I've written of this before. I like to just sit and listen... to nothing. It beats car horns and stereos and angry voices and motorcycles (even motorcycles) and the din of the city. I've always been a country mouse, and living here has reinforced and reminded me of that truth. Yesterday morning when I was washing the dishes, I noticed 'it.' I said to myself, "Self, why is it so quiet? Why don't you turn on the stereo while you work?" And - as I often do - I answered myself, "No... Let's just enjoy the quiet." And we did. Well, me and whoever the voice in my head was asking those silly questions.
On the other hand... (Aren't there always more than one side to any topic?) I think if I wasn't so 'plugged in' I might be lonely. Heck, I can get on the internet on my phone, my computer, and my tablet if I want to. I can watch TV on my computer, phone, or - believe it or not - on my TV! If I get lonely, I can surf the web, or text, or email, or call someone. Yes, to be honest, I shouldn't be allowed to say that I am living deliberately and sucking all the marrow from life while I'm so plugged in. I'm not certain of the clinical definition of addicted, but I fear I'm becoming addicted to Facebook. I have the app on my stupid phone, and I'm checking it about a zillion times a day. Why? I don't know. Habit? Partially. (If that's true, I just need to replace it with a better habit...) Loneliness? No, I don't think so; I'm checking it on my phone while sitting at my desk talking to others.... Afraid to miss out on something? Perhaps - that problem is hard-wired in my DNA. Party? I want to be there. Card game? Deal me in? Discussion? Here are my two cents. Road trip? Let's go! So, there could be something to this 'addiction,' I suppose. I just don't know.
And now, I'm "Fading into Bolivia" as a famous person once said. [BONUS POINTS to the first person who correctly identifies this celebrity.] I'm off to bed.
Hopefully, these words from Kalina will resound in my slumber:
"Mr. P! Hands down, one the best people I know! You have such a good spirit, kind heart, and amazing sense of humor! You are so genuinely kind and supportive to all your students. I have never met another teacher like you, Mr. P! From the beginning of the year when you told me I had a nice smile, you always know how to brighten my day! Mr. P, wherever next year takes you, you will be successful because you are loved by everyone you meet. Thanks for everything!"
Thank YOU, Kalina. It is because of hard-working, intelligent, caring young people like you that I can worry less about the future of this planet. Be well!
Carpe Diem, one and all.
Question: "Aren't you lonely living out in the middle of nowhere?"
Anwer: "NO!" "Not really..." "Sometimes."
These are all answers I've given, as well as just dismissing the question as silly. But, in the final analysis, I am an extrovert and I love the company of people. I didn't know that my life would put me here, but I CHOSE TO BE HERE. So, let's not whine about circumstances or necessity or 'the man' or any other excuses. I am living here because I choose to live here. And 90% of the time I love it! I don't mean 'like it;' I LOVE IT!
As to loneliness... Well, I suppose when I am having a down day or a period of depression, I am very lonely. But I think that the answer would have been exactly the same in Santa Monica, when I lived there for two years, even though I was working three jobs (sometimes four). What the hell was I thinking, by the way!??!
No, I don't think that alone = loneliness. I know people who are lonely even though they live with someone. In fact, I exchanged a few text messages tonight from someone who (I think) belongs in this category. I even think that the loneliness and desperation of the person who feels 'trapped' is far worse than a solitary person would feel.
Remember, as my friend Thoreau said, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately..." I went to the desert to live my own life. Not the life that people expect me to lead, or the life that I will have to work a hundred years to afford, or the life that's considered 'normal' (normal is highly overrated, anyway...), or someone else's life - MY LIFE. It's been a little over a year here at My Little House in the Desert and I have grown by any measure (except my waistline) during my tenure 'in the woods.'
I'm happy about that.
Now, as for this question of loneliness. At times, I love to embrace the loneliness. The quiet is incredible. I am certain I've written of this before. I like to just sit and listen... to nothing. It beats car horns and stereos and angry voices and motorcycles (even motorcycles) and the din of the city. I've always been a country mouse, and living here has reinforced and reminded me of that truth. Yesterday morning when I was washing the dishes, I noticed 'it.' I said to myself, "Self, why is it so quiet? Why don't you turn on the stereo while you work?" And - as I often do - I answered myself, "No... Let's just enjoy the quiet." And we did. Well, me and whoever the voice in my head was asking those silly questions.
On the other hand... (Aren't there always more than one side to any topic?) I think if I wasn't so 'plugged in' I might be lonely. Heck, I can get on the internet on my phone, my computer, and my tablet if I want to. I can watch TV on my computer, phone, or - believe it or not - on my TV! If I get lonely, I can surf the web, or text, or email, or call someone. Yes, to be honest, I shouldn't be allowed to say that I am living deliberately and sucking all the marrow from life while I'm so plugged in. I'm not certain of the clinical definition of addicted, but I fear I'm becoming addicted to Facebook. I have the app on my stupid phone, and I'm checking it about a zillion times a day. Why? I don't know. Habit? Partially. (If that's true, I just need to replace it with a better habit...) Loneliness? No, I don't think so; I'm checking it on my phone while sitting at my desk talking to others.... Afraid to miss out on something? Perhaps - that problem is hard-wired in my DNA. Party? I want to be there. Card game? Deal me in? Discussion? Here are my two cents. Road trip? Let's go! So, there could be something to this 'addiction,' I suppose. I just don't know.
And now, I'm "Fading into Bolivia" as a famous person once said. [BONUS POINTS to the first person who correctly identifies this celebrity.] I'm off to bed.
Hopefully, these words from Kalina will resound in my slumber:
"Mr. P! Hands down, one the best people I know! You have such a good spirit, kind heart, and amazing sense of humor! You are so genuinely kind and supportive to all your students. I have never met another teacher like you, Mr. P! From the beginning of the year when you told me I had a nice smile, you always know how to brighten my day! Mr. P, wherever next year takes you, you will be successful because you are loved by everyone you meet. Thanks for everything!"
Thank YOU, Kalina. It is because of hard-working, intelligent, caring young people like you that I can worry less about the future of this planet. Be well!
Carpe Diem, one and all.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
What a weekend!! Yesterday was a real breakthrough for me - we had over 300 page views yesterday for the first time ever!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Now, who's going to help me get to 400???? If you're tuning in, you must see something you like! Share with one - or more - of your friends. No more false modesty from me - this stuff is good - and I think people would benefit from eavesdropping on our conversations... It only took a month to go from 200 to 300; let's get to 400 in two weeks!!!!!
I am too tired to form complete sentences, so the entry tonight gets turned over to Oren Shimshi. This is a note I received from Oren tonight on Facebook:
"Your positivity has been very influential on me lately. I hope all is well. You're taking cancer like a boss. I'm loving your blog so much, I read it all the time. Call me sometime. Miss you dude."
Oren, this was a good weekend, but I know it won't always be so. Your words are now a part of me, and I will call upon them when my need is greatest. Thank you.
Carpe Diem, all. Carpe Diem.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Now, who's going to help me get to 400???? If you're tuning in, you must see something you like! Share with one - or more - of your friends. No more false modesty from me - this stuff is good - and I think people would benefit from eavesdropping on our conversations... It only took a month to go from 200 to 300; let's get to 400 in two weeks!!!!!
I am too tired to form complete sentences, so the entry tonight gets turned over to Oren Shimshi. This is a note I received from Oren tonight on Facebook:
"Your positivity has been very influential on me lately. I hope all is well. You're taking cancer like a boss. I'm loving your blog so much, I read it all the time. Call me sometime. Miss you dude."
Oren, this was a good weekend, but I know it won't always be so. Your words are now a part of me, and I will call upon them when my need is greatest. Thank you.
Carpe Diem, all. Carpe Diem.
Hello, all! Just a quick morning notice:
I want you to know that anytime you post, I respond. If you are reading and going forward with us (and I hope you are), I know you'll read the new stuff, but I just wanted to alert you that, if you do just that, you might miss my responses to your posts...
So, check back on your comments if the spirit moves you, and I hope you enjoy my personal replies.
Be well!
A couple of quick affirmations from my Wednesday night psychology class (I found these scribbled in my journal when I returned from break):
"Thanks for being a great instructor! We will miss you."
"Mr. P! It's been a pleasure being in your class. Remember to focus on the positive. Best wishes always! PS - Finish your doctorate."
"Mr. P: Everything is chance. You motivate and we are inspired..."
Be well and enjoy your day!
I want you to know that anytime you post, I respond. If you are reading and going forward with us (and I hope you are), I know you'll read the new stuff, but I just wanted to alert you that, if you do just that, you might miss my responses to your posts...
So, check back on your comments if the spirit moves you, and I hope you enjoy my personal replies.
Be well!
A couple of quick affirmations from my Wednesday night psychology class (I found these scribbled in my journal when I returned from break):
"Thanks for being a great instructor! We will miss you."
"Mr. P! It's been a pleasure being in your class. Remember to focus on the positive. Best wishes always! PS - Finish your doctorate."
"Mr. P: Everything is chance. You motivate and we are inspired..."
Be well and enjoy your day!
Saturday, March 1, 2014
I'm back folks. No apologies from me for the absence. I went for a hike, did some grocery shopping, secured a storage unit for my Harley, put away my awesome leftovers, and now it's time to finish this doctor's office visit blog entry. I swear, only I can turn a 45 minute appointment into a 3 day event. Oh, well. I yam what I yam.
Now, when last I left you this morning, I had just acquired my domain names and was feverishly strategizing with my advisors. (Advisors being code for: The Myriad Voices in my Head...) Of course, this means that my mind is racing one hundred miles an hour and I've got ideas leaping from every pore. Now is the time to harness that energy. Stay tuned, I have no idea what's coming next!
Now, back to Dr. Ruckle's office. I arrived, peed in the cup - they weren't sure they needed a sample, but better safe than sorry. I sat in the lobby and filled out the forms. "Do you have now, or have you ever had a headache?" Yeah. Pretty much everybody would say 'Yes' to that, right?
So, (after they have to call my doctor and request the records since they didn't have them: See Monday, traffic accident; best laid plans, etc....) the doctor comes in and he is immediately likable - self deprecating and self-assured all at the same time. Cool. Then we get down to the brass tacks. Why am I here? Well, I'm kind of hoping that you'll treat my cancer. Okay. Sure. (Remember I am paraphrasing...)
Here are the treatment options:
1. Watchful Waiting
The least invasive method of addressing prostate cancer is the laissez-faire approach - do nothing. Keep up regular intervals of biopsies, PSA tests, tracking growth (PSA doubling time), and checking for enlargement with regular digital exams and ultrasound techniques.
The premise is that prostate cancer is a slow-growing cancer, and the condition may warrant close watch until action is required.
Indicated for me?
In my case, the doctor told me that I was not a good candidate for Watchful Waiting because of my elevated PSA score of 16.2. My biopsy shows the presence of cancer in 10%of the organ, bilaterally (both sides).
Bottom Line
I did Watchful Waiting for about 4 years - while my PSA readings progressed from 8.21 to it's present level. [A note here: I think I covered this before, but PSA stands for Prostate Specific Antigen, and it is a marker for prostate cancer. The higher the PSA reading, the higher the likelihood of cancer.]
The time for waiting is over - now it is time to attack!
2. Proton-beam radiation
Loma Linda is a pioneer in the use of this extremely focused beam of radiation. This is an external radiation; since the beam is shot from outside the body onto targets tattooed on the skin which locate the tumorous areas. The benefits of the proton beam are less collateral damage to the surrounding tissues.
The radiation treatments last 5 days a week for 8 weeks.
2a. Radioactive seed implantation.
Long needles are used to insert radioactive cancer-killing seeds into the prostate. The needles are inserted into the prostate through the perineum - the space between the rectum and the scrotum. Instead of the almost daily trips to the radiology lab, the seeds biodegrade in the body, killing the cancer cells in their proximity.
Indicated for me?
The doctor felt like these options were risky for a number of reasons. Foremost again was my high PSA again, combined with the small size of my prostate. This was interesting news to me. He indicated that my prostate was small compared to most cancerous prostate. Combined with the stage (T2C), and the high PSA, he did not feel this was the best course of treatment. (Plus I wouldn't be able to hold Stella for the duration...)
Bottom Line
The clincher for me - as before - with this approach is the ability to pursue surgical options later if the cancer returns. The doctor said this wasn't 'entirely true' as they then could do what he described as 'salvage' surgery, but that was not optimal. Not only that, but the damage caused by the radiation to the adjacent tissues presented a problem for future surgery not just in the prostate, but the surrounding areas as well.
Lastly, radiation therapy for prostate cancer, is linked to a 1.75 times increase in other cancers in the colo-rectal region, such as colon cancer, rectal cancer, testicular cancer, bladder cancer...
No bueno.
3. Surgery
The current state of the art surgical technique for prostate cancer is the robotically-assisted radical prostatectomy. In this method, the doctor removes the entire prostate capsule and the seminal vesicle. The urethra is then reconnected and a catheter is placed in the newly repaired urethra. The procedure lasts about 2 and half hours and is performed via 5 incisions in the abdomen. There is a one night stay in the hospital.
In some cases, such as mine, the lymph nodes in the abdomen are also harvested, as this is the usual site of initial metastases from the prostate cancer. Typical recovery time from this surgery is 6 weeks (since when have I been typical, though?). We shall see.
Indicated for me?
My thinking on this topic has not changed since I was first diagnosed. Dr. Wolfson described surgery as "The gold standard" of prostate cancer treatment.
I want to be here for a long time, so bottom line: Surgery for me in mid-May.
I'll spare you the details of the romantic exchange with me bent over the examining room table. I will say that Dr. Ruckle has a wonderful bedside manner, and a first class sense of humor.
Let's hope he's got mad skills in the operating room, too.
Oh, by the way, assisting Dr. Ruckle is some wizened veteran named Leonardo Da Vinci. Hmmm...
(The DaVinci robot is used to help close the incisions and to perform precise stitching which would be too involved and fatiguing for the surgeon.)
I think that's all I've got in me after this long and very productive day...
Julian Bueno, take us out:
"Mr. P
I want to sincerely thank you for the most fun and interesting math class of my life. I can also safely say your the best teacher and most coolest dude on campus. I'm really going to miss you next year, and I hope our paths cross in the future."
I'm happy to say that Julian has made the effort to keep in touch, and I appreciate his friendship and support.
Thank you, Julian. I love you.
Good night, all. I will respond to your excellent comments tomorrow...
Now, when last I left you this morning, I had just acquired my domain names and was feverishly strategizing with my advisors. (Advisors being code for: The Myriad Voices in my Head...) Of course, this means that my mind is racing one hundred miles an hour and I've got ideas leaping from every pore. Now is the time to harness that energy. Stay tuned, I have no idea what's coming next!
Now, back to Dr. Ruckle's office. I arrived, peed in the cup - they weren't sure they needed a sample, but better safe than sorry. I sat in the lobby and filled out the forms. "Do you have now, or have you ever had a headache?" Yeah. Pretty much everybody would say 'Yes' to that, right?
So, (after they have to call my doctor and request the records since they didn't have them: See Monday, traffic accident; best laid plans, etc....) the doctor comes in and he is immediately likable - self deprecating and self-assured all at the same time. Cool. Then we get down to the brass tacks. Why am I here? Well, I'm kind of hoping that you'll treat my cancer. Okay. Sure. (Remember I am paraphrasing...)
Here are the treatment options:
1. Watchful Waiting
The least invasive method of addressing prostate cancer is the laissez-faire approach - do nothing. Keep up regular intervals of biopsies, PSA tests, tracking growth (PSA doubling time), and checking for enlargement with regular digital exams and ultrasound techniques.
The premise is that prostate cancer is a slow-growing cancer, and the condition may warrant close watch until action is required.
Indicated for me?
In my case, the doctor told me that I was not a good candidate for Watchful Waiting because of my elevated PSA score of 16.2. My biopsy shows the presence of cancer in 10%of the organ, bilaterally (both sides).
Bottom Line
I did Watchful Waiting for about 4 years - while my PSA readings progressed from 8.21 to it's present level. [A note here: I think I covered this before, but PSA stands for Prostate Specific Antigen, and it is a marker for prostate cancer. The higher the PSA reading, the higher the likelihood of cancer.]
The time for waiting is over - now it is time to attack!
2. Proton-beam radiation
Loma Linda is a pioneer in the use of this extremely focused beam of radiation. This is an external radiation; since the beam is shot from outside the body onto targets tattooed on the skin which locate the tumorous areas. The benefits of the proton beam are less collateral damage to the surrounding tissues.
The radiation treatments last 5 days a week for 8 weeks.
2a. Radioactive seed implantation.
Long needles are used to insert radioactive cancer-killing seeds into the prostate. The needles are inserted into the prostate through the perineum - the space between the rectum and the scrotum. Instead of the almost daily trips to the radiology lab, the seeds biodegrade in the body, killing the cancer cells in their proximity.
Indicated for me?
The doctor felt like these options were risky for a number of reasons. Foremost again was my high PSA again, combined with the small size of my prostate. This was interesting news to me. He indicated that my prostate was small compared to most cancerous prostate. Combined with the stage (T2C), and the high PSA, he did not feel this was the best course of treatment. (Plus I wouldn't be able to hold Stella for the duration...)
Bottom Line
The clincher for me - as before - with this approach is the ability to pursue surgical options later if the cancer returns. The doctor said this wasn't 'entirely true' as they then could do what he described as 'salvage' surgery, but that was not optimal. Not only that, but the damage caused by the radiation to the adjacent tissues presented a problem for future surgery not just in the prostate, but the surrounding areas as well.
Lastly, radiation therapy for prostate cancer, is linked to a 1.75 times increase in other cancers in the colo-rectal region, such as colon cancer, rectal cancer, testicular cancer, bladder cancer...
No bueno.
3. Surgery
The current state of the art surgical technique for prostate cancer is the robotically-assisted radical prostatectomy. In this method, the doctor removes the entire prostate capsule and the seminal vesicle. The urethra is then reconnected and a catheter is placed in the newly repaired urethra. The procedure lasts about 2 and half hours and is performed via 5 incisions in the abdomen. There is a one night stay in the hospital.
In some cases, such as mine, the lymph nodes in the abdomen are also harvested, as this is the usual site of initial metastases from the prostate cancer. Typical recovery time from this surgery is 6 weeks (since when have I been typical, though?). We shall see.
Indicated for me?
My thinking on this topic has not changed since I was first diagnosed. Dr. Wolfson described surgery as "The gold standard" of prostate cancer treatment.
I want to be here for a long time, so bottom line: Surgery for me in mid-May.
I'll spare you the details of the romantic exchange with me bent over the examining room table. I will say that Dr. Ruckle has a wonderful bedside manner, and a first class sense of humor.
Let's hope he's got mad skills in the operating room, too.
Oh, by the way, assisting Dr. Ruckle is some wizened veteran named Leonardo Da Vinci. Hmmm...
(The DaVinci robot is used to help close the incisions and to perform precise stitching which would be too involved and fatiguing for the surgeon.)
I think that's all I've got in me after this long and very productive day...
Julian Bueno, take us out:
"Mr. P
I want to sincerely thank you for the most fun and interesting math class of my life. I can also safely say your the best teacher and most coolest dude on campus. I'm really going to miss you next year, and I hope our paths cross in the future."
I'm happy to say that Julian has made the effort to keep in touch, and I appreciate his friendship and support.
Thank you, Julian. I love you.
Good night, all. I will respond to your excellent comments tomorrow...
Let's go back to the doctor's office on Thursday. Little of what I'm going to say here is verbatim. I just happen to paraphrase medical technology sometimes, but I'll try to remain true to the clinical definitions
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT: As the blog readership increases, and our conversation becomes more clinical, I'd like to solicit the comments of medical professionals and researchers on the topics I share. I think it would add tremendously to the reader's experience.
as we move through our visit with Dr. Ruckle. By the way, the beginning of the doctors appointment can be positive or negative for a patient. This is when you might be making your best decision of the day... ALWAYS, I repeat always - always - ask them if they need a urine sample as soon as you arrive. Most men with prostate issues have, or will have, urinary issues. I'm not just talking about cancer, but BPH and other disorders of the prostate, bladder, or urinary tract.
Sometimes they want your pee, and sometimes they don't. So, if you show up, ah, 'ready to donate', then by all means, that is the time to ask... Advice to others: Don't make 'hitting the head' the last stop before the doctor's office. I always try to arrive prepared, but not 'urgent' because then, a pleasant "Will you need a urine sample today?" turns into, "DO I HAVE TO PEE IN THE CUP!??!" And, trust me, you don't want to be that patient! Get to know your front office staff. They are your gatekeepers and best friends. Heck, they'll even scrounge Viagra samples for you and put up with your incessant phone calls - unless, of course, you are that patient. Then, good luck, and 'sorry that you have to get your blood draw repeated because the lab lost your results...'
I'm sorry, but important breaking news is interrupting this particular post. I am happy to report (I sound like the General Manager of the New York Yankees, for crying out loud...), that I have acquired the domain names CelebrateCancer.com, CelebrateCancer.org, and ontheroadtomentalhealth.com.
This acquisition was concluded approximately 26 minutes ago after brief negotiations between the two parties. At this time, the public relations department will handle all further questions...
Okay, okay, just let me have a 'moment' here. I'm not a man in the habit of 'acquiring' things, unless by 'things' you mean 'memories' and 'experiences' because, yeah, I love acquiring those...
So, I've got some administrative work to do at the new site. (Holy crap, listen to me! I sound like a veritable - um, person who understands technology, because, as I told my friend, Austin, moments ago, "Technology ain't my bag, baby.")
I promise I'll be with you again later with so much more. By the way, I haven't forgotten affirmations, it's just that I never developed a system for tracking which ones I'd used previously, and I didn't want to repeat them, but until I have a process now, and I'll roll the dice on the chances of rolling craps, if you will...
Well, let's test the theory right away. Part of this one will be a repeat, but not all. I just reached over, and this was the first one I found. It's also among my favorites...
"Dear Petronis:
Even though you won't be here next year for certain reasons you will always remain as my favorite mathematics teacher. You helped me learn the idea of statistics in a more easy and amusing way. I'm going to miss our conversations. Not just about math, but about life. You always held out your hand for me, telling me never to give up and to keep my head up... I don't think I would have made it through the year without you. You are a great teacher, no matter how many times you say you aren't. Writing a letter for you won't be enough to thank you. Hopefully, you will always keep your cracked Bills cup... You are a great teacher, leader, father, and grandfather and I am sure other people that know you would strongly agree with me. Please, don't ever give up and be strong. You will get what you want and sometimes in involves time. Don't ever change who you are... In the future if we do come into contact, I would love to hear your success and everything that has been going on. Thank you once again!"
Thanks, again, Melody. There are so many wonderful messages in your quote. Thank you for sharing.
Be well, everyone. Time to make some juice, take a hike, and live...
Personal PS to Melody: My cracked Buffalo Bills cup is my pencil holder on my desk at school, and forever it shall be.... :)
SPECIAL SHOUT-OUT: As the blog readership increases, and our conversation becomes more clinical, I'd like to solicit the comments of medical professionals and researchers on the topics I share. I think it would add tremendously to the reader's experience.
as we move through our visit with Dr. Ruckle. By the way, the beginning of the doctors appointment can be positive or negative for a patient. This is when you might be making your best decision of the day... ALWAYS, I repeat always - always - ask them if they need a urine sample as soon as you arrive. Most men with prostate issues have, or will have, urinary issues. I'm not just talking about cancer, but BPH and other disorders of the prostate, bladder, or urinary tract.
Sometimes they want your pee, and sometimes they don't. So, if you show up, ah, 'ready to donate', then by all means, that is the time to ask... Advice to others: Don't make 'hitting the head' the last stop before the doctor's office. I always try to arrive prepared, but not 'urgent' because then, a pleasant "Will you need a urine sample today?" turns into, "DO I HAVE TO PEE IN THE CUP!??!" And, trust me, you don't want to be that patient! Get to know your front office staff. They are your gatekeepers and best friends. Heck, they'll even scrounge Viagra samples for you and put up with your incessant phone calls - unless, of course, you are that patient. Then, good luck, and 'sorry that you have to get your blood draw repeated because the lab lost your results...'
I'm sorry, but important breaking news is interrupting this particular post. I am happy to report (I sound like the General Manager of the New York Yankees, for crying out loud...), that I have acquired the domain names CelebrateCancer.com, CelebrateCancer.org, and ontheroadtomentalhealth.com.
This acquisition was concluded approximately 26 minutes ago after brief negotiations between the two parties. At this time, the public relations department will handle all further questions...
Okay, okay, just let me have a 'moment' here. I'm not a man in the habit of 'acquiring' things, unless by 'things' you mean 'memories' and 'experiences' because, yeah, I love acquiring those...
So, I've got some administrative work to do at the new site. (Holy crap, listen to me! I sound like a veritable - um, person who understands technology, because, as I told my friend, Austin, moments ago, "Technology ain't my bag, baby.")
I promise I'll be with you again later with so much more. By the way, I haven't forgotten affirmations, it's just that I never developed a system for tracking which ones I'd used previously, and I didn't want to repeat them, but until I have a process now, and I'll roll the dice on the chances of rolling craps, if you will...
Well, let's test the theory right away. Part of this one will be a repeat, but not all. I just reached over, and this was the first one I found. It's also among my favorites...
"Dear Petronis:
Even though you won't be here next year for certain reasons you will always remain as my favorite mathematics teacher. You helped me learn the idea of statistics in a more easy and amusing way. I'm going to miss our conversations. Not just about math, but about life. You always held out your hand for me, telling me never to give up and to keep my head up... I don't think I would have made it through the year without you. You are a great teacher, no matter how many times you say you aren't. Writing a letter for you won't be enough to thank you. Hopefully, you will always keep your cracked Bills cup... You are a great teacher, leader, father, and grandfather and I am sure other people that know you would strongly agree with me. Please, don't ever give up and be strong. You will get what you want and sometimes in involves time. Don't ever change who you are... In the future if we do come into contact, I would love to hear your success and everything that has been going on. Thank you once again!"
Thanks, again, Melody. There are so many wonderful messages in your quote. Thank you for sharing.
Be well, everyone. Time to make some juice, take a hike, and live...
Personal PS to Melody: My cracked Buffalo Bills cup is my pencil holder on my desk at school, and forever it shall be.... :)
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