It's an interesting evening over here at Chez Petronis... For the first time in a long time, I did not obsess about whether I'd get a chance to blog, or if I'd lose readers if I zoned out for a night... No, I just took care of business, quite honestly.
Okay, now I have to explain. I had a very productive day at work today - for many reasons. I'm hitting my spring break with just the right mindset, I think. So, when I got home after work today, I weighed my options carefully. I really wanted to walk out to the mailbox and it looked like it may rain, and it would be so cool to get caught out on a short hike in a rainstorm (would have been the second time this year for me...). But, I was determined to do some house work. I have been whipping my place into shape. In fact, I am going to make up a new phrase - deep shape. What the heck does that mean? Well, it means that my normal method of cleaning house is to round up a bunch of loose odds and ends and then stuff them in a sack. Next, find an out of the way place to hide the sack, and... voila! Clutter gone! Only until the next time you start moving stuff around and you find that 'sack'. And inevitably, within said sack, the mortgage papers you spent an hour looking for, the remote control, and the cell phone charger...
Nope. That kind of "Ken Clean" would not do for this renewal. Every drawer in the dresser was emptied and restocked. All the boxes were consolidated. Bike gear got put in the bike bag. "Winter" clothes got put into a storage bin. In short, this is the real deal. No stuffing pizza boxes under the arm chair. No rounding up all of the loose CDs and putting them into overlapping newspaper since the jewel cases seem to have run off and jumped over the moon with my missing socks!!!
I'm very happy that I am taking this on, and I know that this energy boost can be attributed directly to three things: 1. I've said it before, I'll say it again - cancer has reawakened me and forced me to look at my life through a different lens. I didn't really like the life I was leading, but we can always change. Always. 2 and 3 are direct descendants of 1... I have more energy because I'm eating better. And I choose to be happy. I know those words are easy to type, but I believe them - and I hope my actions show them.
Ding. Okay, sorry folks. A bell just went off in my head. I'm reminded of the affirmations I share with you night after night. In the majority, my students state that I was almost always smiling. I was almost always smiling... Wow. I had no idea. I'm serious. I mean, c'mon, I've shared some dark moments - some very low moments - with you... Is it possible to 'stuff'' all of that and still be (of should I say 'appear') happy? I guess it is, if my students' lasting impression is that of a supportive, caring, and positive teacher; I'll take that 11 times out of 10 as my buddy, Dean Smith, would say. No, not that Dean Smith...
So, while I'm on a roll, I'm going to throw it out there: Legacy. If my legacy as a teacher even approaches those three words (supportive, caring, positive), then I will have made a difference. I'm sorry. I have to wallow in these words for a moment. I will have made a difference. I will have made a difference. I will have made a difference. I. Will. Have. Made. A. Difference.
Oh, my. What better emotion could any human being ever experience? To help your fellow man? To leave him better than when you found him? That is absolutely priceless.
Again, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm belaboring this point, but - seriously - this is not the way I normally think... I am usually too busy trying put one foot in front of the other, plodding tirelessly from point A to point B to stop and think of the big picture.
I am so fortunate to have the opportunity to help people. I know that this feeling can sustain me for another 10 years in the classroom. It's going to be fun!
Okay, it's late, and my computer just rebooted - thankfully I have the blog set up to auto-save... Anyway, it's time...
Callie sends this edition to the presses:
"P-dawg -
You are the kindest, most understanding teacher I've ever had. I really love how I've felt comfortable sharing my life stories with you. Thank you for being such an awesome listener and an amazing teacher. Don't let anything get you down, because as you can see, we all LOVE you and wish you were coming back next year. Have an amazing, fun trip this summer/year and stay safe :) We're going to miss you."
Words to help me sleep soundly. Good night everyone. Thank you for sharing in my joy.
Carpe Diem.
Found these useful in the past, "How to Love Yourself & Forgive". I think you are already doing some of this with your blog here. Personally I think we all have had these feelings and need some work on them. I'll let you decide if you want to share it. Maybe its time to change "I will have made a difference" by scratching the word "will" !!
ReplyDelete1. Write in a diary. Chronicle your deepest emotions by letting everything out in a journal. If something is weighing your mind down and making you feel guilty, write about it. Keeping track of your emotions can be an effective tool for helping you understand why you sometimes feel the way you do, and what may trigger these feelings.
2. Drop the bitterness. Feeling angry at yourself is counterproductive. It won't change what happened and won't make the future any better. Ease your burden by accepting what you did to contribute to the situation and try to take it as a learning experience. If you walk around feeling bitter all of the time, all you are doing is torturing yourself.
3. Think about the people you care about the most. When you are feeling upset and punishing yourself, it is not only you who pays the price. It also is the people near you, from your family members to your coworkers in the office. If you keep these negative feelings up, they will probably make you a more irritable, snippy or unpleasant person to be around. Realize that it can be tough to constantly be around someone who hates himself and will not let go of something. Set yourself free, and in turn, the people in your life, too.
4. Consider your needs. Love yourself by analyzing the things that you need, and then taking action. If you need a nap to take a break from stress, take one. If you need to jog outdoors to blow off some steam, get outside. If you need to curl up under your covers in bed and read a relaxing mystery novel, go home and do it. The more you take care of and love yourself, the more responsive and pleasant you become as a person.
5. Give yourself permission to say "no." Although you may find it tough to forgive yourself for saying no to others, you need to realize that you have to live for yourself first, as much as you may want to help others as well. Recognize your right to do what is best for yourself, and if saying no works for you, do it. The people who matter will always respect you for being truthful.
6. Think about your positive traits. If you find it tough to forgive yourself about a situation, instead of focusing on what you did wrong, remind yourself of what you did correctly. This also applies to loving yourself in general. Instead of always obsessing over your every flaw and mistake, acknowledge all of your strengths and think about what you can do to enhance them.
7. Talk to someone. Get all of your feelings out regarding your inability to forgive yourself. Divulge your feelings to a trusted person. Speak openly about what you did that was "wrong" and what you think the negative consequences are or were. Oftentimes, talking with another person about guilt can help people get clearer perspective into what happened and how important (or not important) it truly is.
Tips & Warnings
• Let go of the pride. If you are unable to forgive yourself because of something that may have negatively affected someone else, do not be afraid or too embarrassed to give the other person a simple apology. Being able to say sorry displays a great deal of maturity and strength, two things which are essential for beginning the process of healing, forgiving and loving yourself.
This is amazing. I am going to steal this. I have to print this and refer to it often. So cool.
DeleteTHANK YOU!