Two words.  That's all the big boss had to say to me last week to turn my life around.  Two words...

"Next year..."

How I longed to hear those words!  To think, for months, I was the King of Self-flagellation; my inner voice railed at me for any perceived misstep.  In retrospect, I will have to admit that my non-tenure experience had left me scarred.  I poured my heart and soul into helping those students the best way I knew.  But, at the end of the day, I was told (tacitly), we don't want you.  Go away.  Our students are better off without you...  

... So, yeah, 'next year' beats the heck out of 'get lost.'


But, forget all that: Just focus on the two words for one second... all it took to turn hope into reality... two words.

Two little words, but with such a profound impact!

How many words per day do you speak?

How many of those words changed someone's life?

How many lives may you have changed; without even knowing it?


I haven't spoken much in this forum about my current state of spirituality.  The beginning of this blog was populated with entries based on my reading of The Celestine Prophecy.  One of it's tenets that I truly believe is this: Put positive energy out into the universe - and allow the universe to return it to you. With interest. And, honesty, in my case, it feels like compound interest.  I am humbled by the energy bestowed upon me - each and every day.



So, for the sake of science, sociology, lively dinner-party conversation, and just plain fun, I've devised the following assessment to help you determine the type of energy you are putting out into the universe...

Please note that I am a trained statistician, with professional training and a Masters Degree and all that sort of business - PLEASE do not try this at home!  Creating imaginative scientific surveys and getting people into fun, philosophical discussions is best left to the professionals!  You've been warned!  You have no idea what you may learn about your neighbor, friend, co-worker, bowling teammate, UPS deliveryman, or - gasp! - your own child(!!) if you actually sit down and communicate with them.  The horrors!

So, as a public service (as much as anything else, I suppose), I present to you a quick quiz so that you may self-assess your 'karma quotient.'  [heretofore known as KQ - patent pending, insert fast-talking legal disclaimer-reader-person listing possible side effects]


Scenario Number One!

You're in the checkout line at the grocery store.  There are two frazzled checkers taking care of a dozen customers...  You're currently third in line behind the last person on the planet who actually writes a check for milk, and the couple heading out rock climbing for the weekend. It appears that the couple is quite fond of granola; their entire basket consists of 23 different varieties culled from the bulk bins on aisle five...

Do you:

A. Sigh loudly and say, why isn't the express lane open?  (Disclaimer:  I actually said this about two weeks ago while purchasing yogurt and granola for breakfast... In fact, I'm certain I've used this one a number of times, along with "Are you ever going to get self-checkouts?")

B. Notice the exasperated single mother behind you clinging to twins with one hand, a two-year old in the other, and a ginormous variety pack with the other (yes, I know that makes three hands - we are talking about mothers here, people, you dig?  I mean, they can to sprout appendages as needed - they're like the Swiss Army knife of the household!  You know? Alright, back to business...). You not only let her go in front of you, you politely usher her past the climbers - employing the subtle, yet-effective eyebrow raise indicating nappys trump snackies any day of the week...

C. You complain loudly that the couple in front of you used all red zip-ties on their baggies, when clearly some of these bags came from the more expensive blue tag bins.  The instant the couple returns to aisle to correct their mistake, you swoop past the sexagenarian when he reaches for his checkbook.  Or was he simply adjusting his prosthetic hip?


Scenario Number Two!

You find yourself at a traffic light in West LA.  Ahead of you is a carload of tourists - you know this because they pause in front of every tree on the street, heads out the windows snapping 'palmies.'  Meanwhile, the driver is snapping selfies, and uploading instagrams, all the while texting his buddies back in North Dakota, "We made it to LA; you betcha!"

In the lane to the right are a couple of local students.  At least you surmise they are students by their roof-top surfboards, the Lambda Lambda Lambda bumper sticker, and their total lack of awareness to their surroundings.  Their motto appears to be, "Drive it like you stole it!" Or perhaps it was just, "Puff, puff, give!" For the past two miles, they set a world record for 'turtle hunting', hitting every one of Mr. Botts' inventions which supposedly separate your lane from theirs...

Do you: 

A. Rediscover your inner New Yorker, administering firm, consistent pressure on your car horn exactly 17.2 nanoseconds after the light turns green.

B. Realize you're enjoying the wonderful California sunshine, and back off a few metres (shoutout, Canada!) [tweet!  That's it!  That's two minutes in the penalty box for pandering to our brothers up North!!  Meaning: I don't have any readers from the provinces yet... So, help me oot, eh, you hosers?]

C. Drive on the sidewalk, ego-manically yelling, "These stuntmen are the worst I've ever seen!  I'll see to it that they'll never work again!"


Scenario Number Three!

You find yourself at the emergency room, having stubbed your toe getting out of the shower when you recognized that American Idol was about to start...  Ahead of you in the queue (shoutout, chaps!) are an assortment of characters, including one gentleman who appears to be cradling his right kneecap - under his left armpit, two teenage 'scientists' who seemed to have discovered that firecrackers were not meant to be held quite that way, at least one hypochondriac clutching the latest issue of Lancet, and three men wearing golf shoes - and the look that says both, "I really crushed that one, didn't I?" and ""If my back spasm let's go, I'm gonna destroy that back nine...

Do you:

A. Disingenuously mention to the nurse that you have chest pains (knowing full well that two bags of Hot Chili Cheetos chased with a 24 ounce Monster might have more to do with it than angina).

B. Patiently sit in the hallway allowing your companion to watch "Jerry Springer" while you busy yourself with a People magazine from circa 2010.  "Oh, that little Hannah Montana is just so cute and wholesome" you tell your companion.  Of course, they shush you, and you hear, "The DNA test revealed..."

C. Announce loudly that the morphine truck just overturned in the parking lot - then wade through the teeming masses like a spawning salmon, settling comfortably into Examining Room number 2.  (Escape returning blood-thirsty horde by donning scrubs, shades, and surgical mask.)

SCORING:  All A answers 10 points.  B answers are worth 25 points.  And C answers are worth Negative 75 points.  

Interpreting your results:

Karma Quotient (KQ): 50 -75 points: You are putting out so much positive energy, three nuclear power plants have been decommissioned.

KQ of 0 - 49 points: Meh.  We all have our days.

Negative KQ points:  I'm sorry, Senator, next time we will grade on the curve...


There you have it, folks.  I statistically valid self-assessment from a valid statistician...

I hope you enjoyed this test.  Next time you're faced with a scenario requiring grace, tact, patience, consideration, re-consideration, level-headedness, etc. I hope you'll think of this quiz - and try at least not to go negative, like Mister C above. Hey, that's a start...

Good night, all.

Tonight, Christine gets the final word:

" Mr. P

I love your personality and the way you connected with us so well. You are without a doubt my favorite teacher period!!!  Your such a personable person and I've definitely made many memories in this classroom and having you as a teacher. This school really missed out on having you a teacher for a long time. You have truly influenced me in so many ways to become a better person. Thank you Mr. P for teaching me so many lessons in life and always being here for us students. I can' thank you enough. I hope you have a terrific summer and a great future Mr. P. Thank you for everything."

No, thank you, Christine.  Stay strong - and stay true to yourself.

Carpe Diem.