It's been an interesting past week...  Filled with some productive activity (2 job interviews), a hike, some meteor-shower gazing, some spreadsheet work, blah blah blah...

Okay, the preceding paragraph was written over 10 days ago (I just added the blah, blah, blah to finish it off).  In truth, I haven't been productive at all.  I didn't get either of the jobs I interviewed for, my unemployment benefits have expired (6 weeks early - who knows why?), due to sequestration cuts, I am eligible for continued benefits at a 17% reduction, I've met a couple of people through on-line dating, and none of that is working out either (speaking of working out, I am managing to gain weight, so I've got that going for me), and I've made little to no progress on my dissertation.  In short, I'm sinking further into depression than I ever have been before. I've set myself up for success by sequestering myself here in the desert, yet that also means failure will ultimately be that much more devastating.

My life is not working for me right now and I need to make changes.  I know this.  I am so stuck that I just don't do the things I need to do.  I am pulling the plug on the TV next week - I wasn't strong enough to just ignore it, so I called the cable company and asked them to suspend my service for a month.  I've been watching tons of Stanley Cup playoffs, NBA playoffs, and SportsCenter, but nary a news program.  I heard recently that three women escaped captors in Cleveland, but I know none of the details.  It's time for me to make real changes, ones that will actually produce results.  It sucks to be shunned and alone.  I can tell you that for sure.  I've never felt so unproductive, unloved, or unwanted in all my life - and I have been divorced twice.  Last night, I finally dragged Mandy's air mattress out onto the patio to sleep under the stars, and it was wonderful.  I was going to do it again tonight, but it rained for the second time in 3 nights, if you can believe that.  Perhaps it's just a metaphor for my pathetic life.

Rather than blathering on about my piss-poor attitude, I think I'll just cut this short and spare you all the crap; I'm not certain anyone is reading this anymore anyway.  Hopefully, I can make some productive changes in my life and I will write about them soon.  If not, you probably won't be hearing from my for awhile.

Good night.