So, I haven't written in a while, and not sure what I would have had I done so...  See?  This is the kind of pithy stuff that you stop by to read, isn't it?

Today was a bad day.  Just a lot of things going on.  Working too many hours/jobs. Trying find time to visit April/Grant/Stella.  Trying to find time to date.  Trying to find time to relax.  Trying to visit friends and not be a hermit.  Trying to figure out how to deal with cancer.  It's all so... trying.

So, why was today so bad among all these other days?  I'm not sure, but I know one thing in particular is bugging me...  I'm not sure what kind of person I am.  I am not sure if I am the friend who is there when needed or if I am more the loner who sequesters himself away from friends and family and humanity.  So, maybe I'm just getting a dose of karma from those who I consider friends.  I know, I know, get to the point! I will!!!

This is a health-related diatribe... Approx. 4 years ago, I had an elevated PSA and my prostate biopsy showed some 'suspicious' cells.  I've been monitoring my PSA levels on and off for the past few years and my PSA has spiked to 8 times the acceptable level, and a recent ultrasound showed that my prostate is enlarged.  Soooo...  I'm told by the experts that I have prostate cancer and now I'm awaiting  a visit with the specialist (thank you HMO referral process!).  My doctor (who I've yet to see) has also put me on a strict diet called the CAPA diet (the acronym refers to NO Caffeine, NO Acids/Citrus, NO Peppers/Spices, and NO Alcohol).  Well, any way you slice it, this just sucks. I've also been put on antibiotics and my pharmacist has warned my off any kind of dairy during the week's course of Cipro 500mg.  Yuck.  Not sure what's left I can eat.

Sooo...  This is all contributing to my funk today, but the real reason I'm down is that I've called a couple of friends who have been through this process already and I really wanted to get some advice... The problem is, they haven't called me back.  So, this is where I wonder again if I'm a poor friend, a nuisance, not worth the time, or what.  These are people I know, love, respect, and trust.  A conversation with them would do wonders to help me know what's ahead and the things I should/shouldn't do, questions I should ask, warning signs, etc.

I don't know, maybe they will call someday.  In the meantime, I'm trying (and for the most part I've been successful) at keeping depression at bay.  I love my job - although I have more energy some days than others.  They know about my health situation at work, so that's good, and my co-workers are phenomenal; as is my boss.  As for HER boss, well that's another story for another time...

For now, I'm heading out to the 'yard' to have a fire and a mental health break.  Wish me luck.