I apologize.
I apologize if you've come to this blog seeking intelligence, insight, inspiration, or instant gratification.
If, however, you are a fan of introspection, innocuous fun, and incessant inanity, you may have come the right place. That, dear friend, is for you to decide...
Now, I have no idea of why you might be reading this blog, but let me tell you a little bit about why I am writing it. So, close your eyes, sit back, and I'll take you on a journey into my brain. It can be a dark and scary place, so please keep your arms and hands inside the ride at all times; your mind, however, should be free to wander...
When I was a wee lad, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. I married young, had two wonderful children, Kenny and April, and we struggled together through growth, change, and limited finances. I sought a simple lifestyle and anticipated that I'd be married for a zillion years - just like my parents. Well, things didn't work out that way. I failed to appreciate and honor my beautiful wife, Karen, and our relationship ended badly in 2002.
Here I am ten years later, as lost as I was the day she inevitably - and rightly - asked for a divorce.
As many have before me, I sought solace in movement; being on the road and seeking experiences to fill my emptiness. My first cross-country motorcycle trip was a revelation. I spent 4800 miles and 25 days crossing the country; ultimately returning to my family in upstate NY. I did not, however, find the happiness there that I thought I might. I returned to CA in 2003 and pursued a career as a teacher. (MUCH MORE ON THIS LATER) At the time, I thought I'd travel the country on my motorcycle in the summers and teach the rest of the year. Alas, that was not meant to be... I married again and footloose freedom was not in the plans...
Unfortunately, another divorce begat another round of soul-searching (or perhaps just a continuation of the first round). After two years of teaching incessantly days and evenings, it was time for movement. Again.
So, here I am. I hope Willie Nelson will pardon me saying so, but I'm on the road again... Still searching, learning, growing, experiencing, and... suffering.
I'm currently about 6000 miles into this motorcycle road trip with about that same distance to go before I return 'home' to Southern California. I've got lots of stories, pictures, and observations to share with you and I hope many more to come. In the meantime, I've probably bored you enough for today, so I'll sign off until my next entry.
As I try to tell my students each time they leave my classroom, I hope you have the best day ever!
Carpe Diem.
You're such a great writer!! Can't wait to hear more about your journey.
ReplyDeletebtw...when I went to make a comment I was still signed onto your account. lol I could have made allll kind of changes to your blog, but I didn't want to ruin the masterpiece you've created!! :)) So I signed out. ;)
Thanks for helping me create this blog, my dear friend and awesome sister-in-law!!
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling this will truly be a life-changing experience :)
Ken the hardest thing is to love yourself, who you are inside and out. The happenings in your life are lessons for the soul to learn, we signed up for them long ago, when our soul decided to have a human experience. So beating ourselves up because life took turns we had not planned for is fruitless. Knowing we are human and came her to learn, perhaps over and over, is suppose to lighten our self loathing. Being the empathic your are, you find it hard to seperate the deed from you. You are a wonderful loving person that engaged in a behavior that you regret now. It does not mean you are worthless or you are not suppose to be loved.
ReplyDeleteLoving yourself and who you have become is a developmental milestone for our 50's not our 20's. You are holding your young self to standards only your 50's self can understand and take in.
Hold your 20's self (imagery- bear with me) in your 50's self arms and say- shit you f----ed up and learned a lesson, I love you and we will grow from this". You are a child of light and love, made this way for a reason. Embrace this life as one we must learn lessons from and as one where we love freely our children, grandchildren, partners. At the same time we must remember that these people in our lives have their lessons to learn too. Our soul agreed to help them learn too. Sweet child of love and light know you are truely loved and forgiven for any behaviors you deem as wrong for these behaviors have taught you what is important in life. XX Sissy