A little more somber today.  You might say the chickens are coming home to roost. 

No.  Not the time to be cavalier; time to reflect.  

I was relieved when I found out I had cancer.

There.  Okay, I said it, and I said it for the first time either out loud or even to myself.  But truth is truth.

Now, I hope that you will allow me to explain:

1.     Based upon the test results I blogged about pre-biopsy (extremely elevated PSA, enlarged prostate, urinary symptoms, and pre-cancerous cells in a 2009 biopsy), I had already told people the I likely had cancer. Had my results not come back positive, I would have felt like the little boy who cried wolf - and wondering if my rationale was somehow similar to his...  No, I don't want to be that person.  So, I worried a negative test result would make me look like an idiot. 

  

I certainly hope you've came here for the truth and not some other bullshit.

2.     Since my first PSA result came back high in 2009, I’ve been forewarned that I would very likely have prostate cancer at some time.  Well, I’m glad it’s this time!  Had I gotten this same news a year or two ago, I would not have been as mentally strong and in such a positive place to deal with the disease. 

The defense rests, your honor.  Anyway, judge me if you will, I’m not getting wrapped up in that business anymore…  I like who I am.  I’m indifferent to other opinions.

Now, I’d like to get back the reasons for the somber mood.

Last night, I did some research on line, and shared some of those statistics with you. 

Today, I began – or should I say continued – gathering anecdotal data from friends and family who have been through this previously. 

Talking to these people (Thanks, Johnny, and Jackson…) has reminded me that the treatment options and the attendant consequences are no trifling matters.  So, this past week may have been about getting by on the relief of finally getting the diagnosis, then on the initial outpouring of love and support…

I say 'initial outpouring' because frequently we return to our own lives, and we always "mean to..." "I mean to call" or "I mean to write" or "I mean to visit" or "I mean to read the blog" or "I mean to comment on the blog" or "I mean to..."  

Don't "mean to", do it.

Make no mistake.  The heavy lifting begins now. 

Today is about watching football and making those phone calls. 

I’ll summarize those conversations with you in our next conversation.  Be well. 

Editor's note:  This post was written this morning just before noon...  Technical problems prevented posting at that time.  I did have some of those conversations today, but I am headed to a nice soak in a eucalyptus-infused bath...

Today's aphorism comes from Elena:

"... You are an incredibly strong person, with great intentions and one of the kindest souls I have ever met. You have such a huge network of students and friends who care about you...  Stay strong, and I know that things will turn out alright! ... You have positively impacted so many lives..."

Thank you, Elena.  You are so very sweet and kind (and wicked smart!).