Let's get down to business.

I have been decidedly upbeat of late, and I know that this will not always be the case.  My current euphoria is fueled by the outpouring of love that I have received from everyone, but the second factor is even more important in my present state of mental health...  I have taken control of my own life.

Let me say this again...  I have taken control of my own life.

I. have. taken. control. over. my. own. life...

I am ENORMOUSLY proud of myself.  The hardest thing for a procrastinator (at least this particular professional crastinator...) to do is to START something.  It seems once I've gained some momentum, I'm off...  But the start.  Ugh.  A procrastinator's favorite day is manana...

I've decided my life is about today.  Every day.  CARPE DIEM!  Hell, I have those words tattooed on my arm, now I get to live it.


Now, back to my mood, because this blog is about my search for mental health after all...

I know as sure I'm flying sky high right now, that I've got difficult days ahead:

When I met with my doctor on Tuesday, he outlined treatment options.  I'll get back to those in a moment, but first, here's what's upcoming:

The past couple of days have been spent in myriad ways - yes, I know, I am not unique in this regard, but bear with me, please.

Just off the top of my head:

The diagnosis.

The communication.

The realization.

The nostalgia.

The awakening.

The crying.  (I'm going to expound upon this - I'm not talking about crying like, "boo hoo, I have cancer."
No, I'm talking about comments like this one from Kalina:


"You have positively influenced so many people in more ways than you can know.  You were the teacher that we all trusted and viewed as a friend and mentor.  Your optimism and positive energy is inspiring for and everyone is here for you.  I think experiencing difficulties in life just make that person even more stronger as you have proven."

I cried 4 times just typing those words now...  I'll bet some of you are misting up, too.


The reflection.

The mindset.

The plan.

The passion.

The growth.

The next chapter...



I really logged on this time to share my next steps medically.  I don't want to make any self-aggrandizing statement here regarding the purpose and destiny of the blog...  When I write, I just write.  Some days I may talk about coyotes and bonfires, and on other nights, I may be discussing the latest prostate cancer research or my own symptoms, etc.

I promise I will come back soon to share my current and upcoming medical appointments, my own research, my prognosis, etc.

PS to me:  as I've mentioned before, I really don't go back and re-read the blog, so I have no clue why I'm writing this PS here for me...  Oh, well.  The PS is to remember to come back to this list of 'phases' or 'steps' or 'thoughts' whatever you'd like to call them.  I'll cut and paste them into a word document.  Oooh, said the Luddite!  I can copy and paste!!!

Ciao.




Thanks, Kellan.