Rough day today.  I'm not sure why, but I am really mentally worn down.  Paperwork at school is kicking my ass, and I don't know where all that energy I seemed to have last week went...  When I was driving home from school tonight (I finally relented and got a rental car today), I turned off the radio and just tried to reflect on just why I was dragging my donkey...

I narrowed it down to a few things:

1. Not enough vegetables in my diet the last couple of days
2. Not enough sleep
3. Work stress


Vegetables - I had run out, but I got restocked yesterday due to the efforts of Zandria Barton.  Once a week she drives to a farm in Carlsbad (or maybe it was Oceanside) and returns with plenty of whatever happens to be in season.  I'll get produce and fruit (wait, is fruit considered produce?) each week direct from the farm via Zandria.  Sooooo nice.  In addition, I had some leftovers that I needed to eat, so no juicing the past two nights...

Not enough sleep.  I don't know about this one.  Last night I was in bed at 8:20 - of course, on Monday night it was closer to 11PM.  I have been losing weight, which is good, but...  Some of you know this, but many of your don't:  I have sleep apnea.  I am supposed to use a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine.  A CPAP machine - besides being a major pain in the burro - is about what it sounds like.  You wear a mask attached to a pump.  Air is pumped CONTINUOUSLY into the mask through a 5 foot length of flexible tubing that kinks and binds and... well, it's just not fun.  The continuous positive airway pressure prevents you from opening your mouth (if you do, air spews out and you - and whomever may be unlucky enough to share your bed - are immediately awakened by the sound of rushing air... )

Almost every CPAP wearer hates the machine.  The key is that some people swear by it - and it saves their lives.  Others swear at it and put the dang thing in the back of the closet.  For me, the problem is worse. Even when I used the machine, I was not able to get restful sleep.  So, what's worse?  Wearing the freaking machine when it doesn't (appear to) help?  Or - don't use the machine at all and wake up 27 times per hour (the average number of apnea episodes recorded during my 4th - and most recent - sleep study) gasping to draw air through an obstructed airway?  I suppose when you put it like that, I should be using the machine.  I'm going to drag it out tomorrow night and see if it helps...  Tonight?  Nah, I'm too tired tonight... Irony?

Stress - A killer in many forms.  It's a tough time at work.  Lots to do.  I'm not immune to that stress.  Tonight, there were 4 of us still there almost 2 hours after quitting time.  Well, teachers are a special lot, and I work with some big-hearted people.

On that note, it's 7:47 and I'm going to bed.  Geez.

Final words tonight come from Aleya:

"Mr. P:  You're the most amazing, memorable, compassionate teacher I have ever had.  Each day, before or after you teach your lesson, you go around and talk to every student.  You don't talk about superficial small talk but you talk about real stories and what is actually going on in that person's life.  You love almost each and every one of your students, and I don't know how you can do that, or how you have that much love in your heart.  Your passion and care inspires me to be a better person, and to love more and hate less..."

Thank you, Aleya.  And, I want to add how very special it was seeing you and your cohorts this Christmas season in SM. Hopefully we can make it an annual event!


Good night, all.